Essence
by Lady AngelFiren
Summary: (DISCONTINUED) Packed with twists, sci-fi, & angst, I think this is my most extensive fic, definately the most detailed, and worth the read! Heero & Duo end up switching bodies, & Relena is a madwoman with a deathwish and a deadly secret.
1. Essence; Ch.1

  
**Essence  
Part One  
By Lady AngelFiren**

*BEEP!*

Heero's laptop chimed energetically as he came into the room. Less than three seconds after hearing it he had already accessed his mailbox and was reading over whatever had arrived. I watched him silently from the bed, marveling at his efficiency and his focus. I wondered what exactly he had gone through all his life to be so good at what he did. I didn't really want to know. I saw the subtle change his face always got when he wasn't happy about something as he turned to me, seemingly struggling to maintain the stoic façade, but for once being only mildly successful.

"What is it?" I asked, knowing I wouldn't like it. I never liked it when something drew Heero away from me, whatever it was. We had a strange sort of relationship, mostly dictated by him. Sex, yes, but there was little communication. To say I was happy with that would be an outright lie, but I was not dissatisfied enough to persue my goal of having an actual conversation with Heero anytime soon. I didn't think he could handle that. He was certainly not cold towards me on purpose; I had managed to get him to cuddle with me and even stay with me through entire nights, but those occasions were few and far between, and they only happened after an extremely long mission.

'Mission.' I am really beginning to hate that word. All I ever hear from him is ninmu this, ninmu that. He is obsessed, and it _cannot_ be healthy. Nobody should be that dedicated! It makes me so mad when he jumps headfirst into these impossible situations just because some old guy told him to! Its not fair! Ok, so maybe I'm getting a little clingy and desperate sounding, but I need some attention here! Would it be so hard for Heero Yuy to step off his pedestal and give me a crumb of affection? Yeah, it would. It is. So I'm not gonna ask, but that doesn't mean I can't be angry, or hurt, or maybe even a little over-emotional about it. But is he gonna see that from me? No way. That would not be playing my role as his baka, and I have to be Heero's baka. Not sure why though. 

So anyway, not like I was babbling or anything, (Me? Babble? Never!) but I watched him turn to me, and felt a pang of anger rise in my chest as I waited to hear his newest reason to leave me behind as he went off to play 'hero' (Crappy pun intended! Don't like it, don't read it.). 

"Mission." He ground out. Man, is he ever _tense!_ And I do mean tense. His hands were at his sides in tight fists; every move he made was rigid, like it hurt to move but he was determined to do it anyway; and his eyes flashed a dangerous blue that sought to burn through anything they rested on, including me. I think he has some kind of delusion that he's really got laser eyes. Heh, right, and I'm the tooth fairy. Yeah. What was that I said before about babbling?

"Gee, you don't say. Hunh. I never would have expected _that,_" I drawled, giving him a dark little smile. I was feeling especially bitter for some reason. Must be 'cause I stay up all night thinking, trying to tell myself that I actually have a reason to be here aside from playing sidekick and fuck toy. I do believe in helping others relieve their stress, but sometimes I just need a little time to myself, and this was one of those times. I didn't want to hurt anymore. Maybe he'd just leave and I could have a little while to sort things out. Fat chance.

"Both of us." He said dangerously. He says everything dangerously. I'm actually starting to believe that he isn't just trying to impress me with his toughness anymore. Maybe he really _is_ that severe. Perceptive, aren't I?

"Eh? Where we goin?" I was genuinely curious. Despite the way Heero and I always end up in the same vicinity, we rarely have missions together. I have a tendency to be better at stealth operations, whereas Heero has this 'thing' with blowing shit up, just for good measure. It sometimes makes me a little envious of his recognition. Nobody cares who went in and almost got their ass canned stealing the data and statistics and whatever else was needed to allow him to press the 'boom' button, they just wanna see the pretty colours flash over their vidscreens when they watch the news or whatever. Not that I'm really into the whole publicity and recognition thing, but a little would be nice. Oh well, ain't gonna happen. 

"J and G want to see us for an 'evaluation.' Together." 

"Christ, Why? Have we not spent long enough being trained and tested and playing lab rat? I don't wanna go! Tell them to take their stupid evaluation and shove it where the sun don't shine! I'm not goin!"

"Baka. Its orders. We leave tomorrow at 0600 hours." With that he shut down his laptop and prepared his things. All he had was an old duffel bag, into which he placed some weapons and a small number of explosives; and over top of that a few changes of clothes. He went into the tiny bathroom that branched off of our shared room, flicking on the light efficiently and shutting the door with a curt sound of wood striking wood for the briefest of moments. Exactly four minutes and thirty seconds later he was out. I knew his routine well enough, fifteen seconds to prepare toothbrush, two and a half minutes to brush teeth in the correct fashion, another fifteen seconds to rinse his brush and dry it off. One full minute to wash his face and that left him exactly one minute to pee and clean any water (or fingerprints) up from around the sink and be done. I mean, efficient much!? He cleans his fingerprints up for fucksakes! That is just not natural! I don't clean my fingerprints. Who the hell is gonna look for our fingerprints?! Jesus, I don't know how much longer I can take this

Heero went to his bed and laid down on his back, rigid as a steel pole, turning out the lamp on his side of the room and closing his eyes. I heard him consciously slow and deepen his breathing as he forced himself to sleep, which must be very difficult for someone as tense as him. I got up from my bed and went through my evening routine of brushing my pearly whites and then combing out my hair as quickly as I could without damaging it. It reached down to my hips, and I was always concerned about it being singed or shredded in battle, but so far I've been pretty lucky. Hope I never have to see the day my hair is cut off. I don't know what I'd do without it. Ok, so maybe I'm a little vain. Is that so bad? Heero thinks so. I swear if I hear him tell me to cut it off once more I'm gonna kick him in the teeth. And I am well aware I'd never have the chance, but I like to live in my delusional little world. The place where I'm actually a match for Heero in a fight and he is a loving, expressive person. Like I said, delusions.

I finished with my hair and re-braided it, keeping the plait loose but secure. No sense breaking or splitting my hair from having it braided too tightly, now is there? A few minutes later saw me laying in the darkness listening to Heero's breathing as I thought about what this mission would mean. 'Evaluation' is not a word I like to hear when it comes to those 'doctors.' I had the most horrible feeling that I'd wake up in one of their labs and have some weird surgery or something done to me. I was scared that they'd test new drugs on me and fry my brains. I was really scared that they'd cut off my hair. Worst of all I shuddered to think of what they had in store for Heero. Everything they have ever done to me is probably only a small fraction of whatever happened to him. His tension, his alertness, everything about him screams 'Augmented! Abnormal!' and I don't know what kind of childhood he had, but it cannot have been anything outside of a lab. I eventually drifted off to sleep, and was thankful that for once I could rest, undisturbed, for a whole night. I just hoped I wouldn't have any nightmares. I really didn't want to hear Heero telling me to 'go to sleep, baka,' in 'that' voice. I seriously did not need him reprimanding me because I can't force myself not to dream.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I waited exactly one hour and thirteen minutes for Duo to fall into a believable state of restfulness. The nervous, cynical tension that constantly rolls off of him when he is awake is disturbing and distracting. I don't know how to put him at ease, and his thoughts are so quick and negative that if I let myself sense them throughout the day I would have given up the war a long time ago. I am not so strong as he thinks. Its difficult to say that. I want to be strong, I want to keep peace, and I want him to be happy, but I just can't seem to do any of those things. He has one thing right though; I _am_ a perseverant, obsessive bastard. I don't know how not to be.

Finally allowing my body to relax, I withdrew the careful barriers I have always kept around my mind, and let the world around me flow in. Its like walking through a dark room all the time, until you finally find the light switch. I have had this sense as long as I can remember, and could not imagine living without it. It is something that the infamous Dr. J has not been able to take from me, but he has taught me to control it, which I am thankful for to a certain extent, although I still abhor the man with every part of my being. What he has done to me no, its better just not to think of it. I spend all day a prisoner in my head, may as well try to enjoy my small freedom.

I instantly began to get impressions from Duo. Apparently he wasn't as deeply asleep as I had hoped, for I saw stirring traces of conscious thought in him. He was thinking about me again. I didn't want to intrude, so I blocked off most of what was coming from him, but not before I caught the distinct picture of him holding me in his arms as I cried. Well that had certainly never happened before, nor would it, but I made a note of it anyway and tucked it away in my head for future reference. The surroundings were strange, metallic with no natural light, like a lab; and the feeling I got from it was distinctly alien. I did not understand what I was seeing or feeling. I heard myself say my own name in the flash and noticed how uncharacteristically expressionless Duo's face was, then I got no more impressions from him. 

I was disappointed that he was thinking of me, sometimes I would get the most beautiful and intricate things from his mind, or even just glimpses of what little happiness he has had in his life. There are often very strong impressions that came off of a little boy he sees himself with in his dreams. He has very pale hair, almost colourless, and deep, deep eyes. His eyes always look like they belong on someone much older than he; it makes me feel like I'm watching him, and he's watching me right back. I don't know who he is, but I know he's dead because I can feel his presence around Duo almost all the time. I think that the boy's spirit is guarding Duo. I hope so, he seems like a good protector. Hopefully he can do what I can't.

Focussing my mind elsewhere, I let the other people in the building flow through me. I don't venture out and pick thoughts or feelings from people, they mostly come to me, and I can focus on certain people, although its easier with those I know. We were in an apartment with a kitchen, a bathroom and one very small bedroom, barely big enough to fit our two beds in, much less a desk or television. Duo constantly complains that there is nothing to do here because we don't have TV, but not once have I seen him actually miss the thing. He always finds a way to use up his seemingly endless energy, usually by talking to me. And here's where the difficulty between us comes in.

When he talks to me, I hear everything he's saying; often he has so much to say that I have to stop really working to listen to him. But I hear everything that goes on underneath what he says as well, and it confuses the hell out of me. He is so fleeting and tumultuous that I hardly ever get one strong impression from him, its more like trying to feel three different people at once. Part of him is extremely cynical and depressed, so much so that I often feel that way myself after spending too much time focussing on that part of him. Another part of Duo is just so hyper and excited all the time I can barely hold back the urge to giggle just from being around him. I don't giggle. The last part I get from him is the worst. Its emotional and confused and is always asking the smartest questions into the rest of his mind. In effect, this third part of Duo leads the rest of him in circles, and he ends up a mess of nerves and tears on the inside, even as he is trying to tell the world that he's fine on the outside. I get all of this from him, but I have no idea what to do with it because I can see that every time I try to be constructive, the smart, confused part of him will interpret it wrongly or bend it into something entirely different.

So I really am not so strong as I wish, I can't even help my only friend sort himself out. How am I supposed to save the world? Best not to think about any of it and just concentrate on the mission. If he knew how emotional I really am

I shivered and listened with my heart to the rest of the building. Mostly people sleeping, but I got a few pictures from young children of their friends and memories of what they did all day, an old woman thinking about what will happen to her when she dies (she knows its coming, I expect an ambulance will be here to take her body away by morning), a couple who got in a fight and are both secretly sorry, a very sad picture from one child who saw her father beat up her mother a few hours ago. There are all kinds of things I see, and I find it extremely ironic that in saving the world and upholding peace I'm really not doing anything at all to help these people, except giving them lives to mess up. If they could just learn to see past what is happening, they could have a better kind of peace. But it will never happen, and there is nothing I can do to change that. I am doing all I can by trying to keep the peace between nations, and that in itself has taken every effort I have to put forward.

Duo often wonders why I never react to him, I get that from him all the time. He thinks I don't care, but I do. I just don't know what to do about it. I think that in having this sense, this vision, I have sacrificed some of the other ways of communicating and interacting. It probably didn't help that I spent my childhood in a dark lab on a tiny colony and had no friends at all until I came to Earth, but I think that if I had been exposed to normal things as a child I would have turned out much the same. There is fear, of him, of myself; I've discovered an unwanted challenge, being in his presence so much of the time, because he confuses and jumbles me to such an extreme. That's why I have to turn my sense off when he's around, and then I find it near impossible to hear him or react to him because I feel empty without it. If I could get around that, than maybe I would be able to talk to him, to stay in bed with him for a whole night and wake up with him curled up against me. I would tell him how I felt about things more, and I think I would just be entirely better for him, except that I'm not able to do any of that.

I started to feel the day's wear on my frame as I settled more comfortably in the bed, and my mind began to get jumbled (it always does when I'm tired), so I closed it up somewhat, letting only a few vary strong things come in, and tried not to think of them at all. I drifted off to sleep, grateful to be allowed to relax, even for the few hours that I was unconscious and unable to really experience the feeling of having all the weight off my shoulders. Soon I would have to get up again, and I dreaded the thought of returning to the place I'd spent most of my life. It was not simply anger or nervousness, I think I actually fear that place, and that's a weakness I cannot consciously admit to myself, because it makes everything I try so hard to achieve pointless. If I can't do it right, if I can't be strong and fearless when I do something, I see no point. 

Duo doesn't think that way at all; he leans towards desperate measures, and so is much better at quieter, stealthier work. I'd get in there and I'd freeze; if I didn't see a way out, I'd self-destruct. He somehow manages to keep his head, and I have no idea how, despite the fact that I've been reading his thoughts and feelings ever since I met him. Of all the people I've ever experienced, he is the one who I can't seem to clearly see. Its as if there is a wall made of impressions that are coming off of him, and its so thick I can't get anything comprehensible from it. So I run away. I self-destruct. I'm cold and unresponsive to him, and I don't know how to change that. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The buzzing of my alarm clock dragged me back into consciousness. I'd been having the nicest dream, about when Solo and I were little and we'd snuck into an opera through the basement. We had managed to get all the way up to the top of the huge opera house and had watched the show from the rafters, laughing at the way the fat old men would sing. Solo had been having the time of his life, and consequentially, so was I. 

Then a woman came on the stage, and at first she was trembling and reluctant to make a peep, but then she did, and both of us were silent, awestruck. He voice had risen up into the rafters with a soul-wrenching quality, and I clearly remember the way the whole house had suddenly gone dead silent and completely still, except for the young lady on stage. Looking over during the performance, I saw Solo watching intently with tears in his eyes, and I knew he was thinking of his family. This woman must have reminded him of something or other that had happened, and he was brought to uncharacteristic tears for the duration of her song. I realized that I too had tears in my eyes, and I scuttled closer to him, looking for comfort. He took my hand in his and we both cried for the whole thing. When the lady was done, there was a long moment of silence, like the house was afraid to break the mood she'd set, and then, slowly at first, but then faster and louder so it sounded like a whole rainstorm in a few minutes, there was applause from every direction. It was amazing, captivating, and we snuck out of the house later on, not even having to heart to steal from the audience that had shared the experience of the young diva's voice with us. Ok, enough of Memory Lane.

I pulled myself into some semblance of consciousness and kicked the covers off of me, knowing that once they disappeared, I'd have to get up anyway. Can't sleep without covers, now can we? Yeah, so I somehow found the strength to get up and get ready to go, and I was just starting to really wake up around five fifty, ten minutes before we had to leave. Of course Heero had already been up for awhile, and this morning he was especially early in rising because some lady died in the building last night, and the ambulance woke him. 

Heero said he would take care of transportation (figures he doesn't trust me, bastard) so I basically just had to remember my toothbrush and I was good to go. And dammit, I forgot my toothbrush, which I didn't even realize until we were on a commercial shuttle to whatever colony we were scheduled to arrive on in a few hours. Its great how I get so much information, I love to be totally prepared for anything and everything. Oh well, Heero's always prepared enough for us both. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to missions and work and anything relevant I definitely pull my weight, but sometimes it was easier to let him do it, and pointless to try and help.

Why I was thinking about this so much is beyond me, I get into the strangest moods sometimes (especially before missions), and Christ, its hard to get out of them! I knew we were getting the rubber end of the plunger on this particular mission. I mean, anything having to do with those doctors is not cool, but this was just scary! We had to actually go and hang out in their creepy mad scientist labs and let them do whatever they wanted to us? *cringe* I just did _not_ like the sound of that.

I looked over at Heero sitting beside me on the shuttle. We had ended up in some seat so random it was cliché, beside the window. Heero sat in the aisle seat, probably so he could take over the vehicle if he had to for whatever reason, so I got to look out the tiny little window at the big black nothingness of space. Jesus, I wished he'd talk to me for once. There weren't that many people on the flight, so the shuttle was only about three quarters full. Probably because not too many people want to go to a tiny little colony with almost no inhabitants, but that's just a guess, how the hell should I know? I looked harder at Heero and realized that he had his eyes closed and was just siting there like that, arms crossed characteristically over his chest, hair as dark and tousled as always, breathing deep and controlled. 

/What the hell? Ya know what, I'm not even gonna ask what he's doing. Probably using some special resting trick that only Perfect Soldiers know how to do, like super space sleep or something. Shit, I wish he'd say something./

And whaddya know, Soldier Boy spoke.

"I'm thinking. That's all." 

A few terse words and I was occupied for the rest of the flight, wondering what had made him say something at that exact moment, and how he knew what to say. What's he think about anyway? Shit, I was completely tied up in thought knots by the time our shuttle landed. I'd pretty much forgotten about the mission, well almost; that is, until we got to the space port, in which case all my dread resurfaced and I became a bundle of nervous tension. Heero hadn't changed, or so I thought, except that before we got off the craft he took my hand very briefly and looked me in the eyes. His glare softened just barely, and then he let go of me and was making his way off the plane. Whoever gave him the authority to just walk around and mess with people's heads I don't know, but I swear I'm gonna hunt them down and slowly bleed them to death for it. He should not be allowed to do that

So off we were, and there was a car waiting for us, which Heero went into with only small caution, so I figured he knew the driver or something, or at least he knew that the driver was someone too afraid of the doctors to make any dumb or independent moves against us. No point in doing so anyway. I was fairly sure that a pair of terrorists were capable of taking on a cab driver. Especially this one. He weighed more than the car, I swear, and wore a button on his shirt that bore his picture and said 'Hi! I'm Lenny!' in cheerful yellow, accented by purple. Beautiful contrast, I know. I think I'll paint my house purple someday, with yellow trim and shutters. Just gorgeous. He was white, like almost everyone on this colony, which made it hard to believe that Heero was from here, 'cause he's Japanese, but I don't think he's completely Japanese, 'cause he has blue eyes. Hmmm, I wonder if even _he_ knows where he came from. Oh well, its not like I'll ever find out. I'm good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to wake up to. Great, I feel so special. 

What was that? Me? Sarcastic? Naw

Upon arriving at the evil mad scientist's lab, we were greeted by the fiends themselves as we stepped from the car, which had pulled into a sort of garage that could obviously be made entirely secure and inescapable if all the doors came down. Love to feel safe donch'ya know, especially in this place. I really like seeing that there's no way out. 

Yeah, so maybe I was just a tad tense as we stepped onto a smooth concrete floor and the driver took off at a healthy, (if a little eager) pace.   


  



	2. Essence; Ch.2

  
**Essence  
Part Two  
By Lady AngelFiren**

Duo got out of the cab first and I quickly followed. I was somewhat distracted by the prominent fear rolling off our driver, and an impression of Dr. J continued to plague me from his mind. I didn't really want to know what had given the severely obese man such a scare, so I didn't listen to what came off of him. Duo was giving off even more nervous, tense confusion than normal. He was scared, almost to the point of panicking, and I wished I could simply tell him not to be afraid, that I would protect him, but I was too busy preparing myself to receive the doctors. They have a tendency to test my limits and plant as many negative things in my head as possible, although I can't figure out why it makes them so happy. I think that they really are just sick, twisted old men, and that is the main reason my life turned out this way. I suppose I'd feel vulnerable without my skills, but there are times when I wish I could just live in blissful ignorance like the rest of humanity. I think I'd rather be preserving humanity, however, as opposed to just living alongside everyone else. But I'm getting off topic. Have to stay focussed, be ready for them to make their move.

I felt the steel strength that was Dr. J's carefully guarded, specially prepared mind approaching before I even stepped out of the car. He made it known to me through a series of projected thought-forms that I should be on my best behaviour, and there would be severe consequences should I stray from his rule. I shuddered inwardly and blocked him out, turning my attentions to Professor G, the scientist who'd trained and taught Duo. He didn't give much of anything off, only a cool stream of superiority. I decided to feed off of it, and was pleased to be able to stand up and look both old men straight in the face, more or less fearlessly as they shuffled towards us.

Dr. J started off the conversation, his mind basking in his feeling of power. It was like a drug for him, and it went so far as to give him physical pleasure. I suddenly wished I could not feel and hear him so clearly, it wasunnerving. My fearless stance did not waver, but I felt weakened inside as J spoke.

"Heero, my boy. Good to see you've come back here. Always were an obedient little pet, just like I taught you, eh?" He smiled maliciously, signaling that Duo and I follow him through an uncomfortably thick metal door and into the complex that served as his lab. We did, and I gave his back my best glare, although I really didn't feel up to it. I was getting a thick, slow feeling through my whole body, like I would curl up and drop unconscious any minute. I still had time to wonder what Duo would think if he knew how scared I was, before J continued talking in that sickly voice. I wasn't really listening to him, I already knew most of what he was going to say, because he had been thinking it over with dark excitement, even as he tried to project something different to me when we arrived.

Instead Duo had drawn my attention. He feared for himself, yes, especially the possibility that G would test drugs on him or cut off his hair, but there was a much stronger feeling, one for me. It almost broke through the laughter of one part of him and the frightened protests of another as the third dragged his feet down the hall beside me. I didn't want to see the things his mind had conjured, results of his lack of information. I never told him anything about myself if I could avoid it, but he was perceptive, and knew that I had experienced some sort of frightening, belittling torture in the past. I saw a picture, very clear, of myself strapped to a wall while J poked me with sharp knives and I cried. I was younger in the thought, although I looked much the same. What really hit home was the fact that the exact thing he was picturing had happened before. I was wearing different clothing, and the surroundings were different, yes, but J used to strap me to a wall and slowly draw knives over my whole body until I passed out from blood loss, and the re-creation of those actions that played in Duo's mind was alarmingly accurate. I even have scars in the exact places Duo pictured. I shivered and kept walking. No good to let it get to me, it's over, I can't change what happened to me, I may as well try to keep it from ever happening to others. 

"You boys are both here for a few tests," G explained, "We've been working together on a new experiment, and I have agreed to volunteer you," he looked at Duo, who gave a little cringe mentally but did not waver in stance or step, "And Doctor J has provided the technology and equipment for our little game. Heero, you're in this too." G smiled, his face hidden mostly by a sweep of gray hair. He chuckled mentally and let a picture of two cylindrical metal tubes flash from his mind before he caught himself and closed up. I glared at him, and he laughed out loud at me. Then something happened that I completely did not expect, something I had hoped would never happen.

"You caught that did you boy?" G looked at me, "Well, I guess you'll see more in a short while anyway, but I wonder, will you always keep that power of yours? I have been working especially hard to rid you of it, but I'd also like to study it further. Perhaps J will release you into my care for awhile and I can find out what makes you see, hmmm? Oh, and we'll learn a lot about it in the next few days, hopefully enough to be able to control it. I don't like you hearing my thoughts, boy. We'll get rid of that soon enough though." He chuckled to himself, but I didn't catch what he was thinking because Duo's surprise bowled over all the other thoughts and impressions in the area.

He knew better than to speak out of line in the presence of these 'people,' but I suppose his curiosity got the better of him, because he gave me an inquiring look, and then spoke up, although his voice lacked in confidence. It solidified the hold they had over us, made it a reality, to see Duo lowered. I didn't like that at all.

"What? What do you mean he hears your thoughts?" 

"Oh, he hasn't told you eh? Well, good, I trained him well enough, wasn't hard at all. You see, Heero is gifted. He hears and sees thoughts, and gets emotional impressions from people around him. I have been trying to control this ability for years, and it almost hindered me from going through with his full training, but it has proven only to make him a better soldier, and so I allowed him to proceed. However, I have still not discovered exactly how these receptive qualities work, and so I find myself delving ever deeper towards more extravagant ideas to get to the bottom of his ability. I _will_ control it, no matter how long it takes me."

I was mildly shocked to hear J's aspirations, and horribly embarrassed that Duo had to know about me. I glared as hatefully as I could at J, and he didn't even flinch. In fact, his mind laughed openly at me, which only extended my humiliation. Then the full impact of his words sank in and I realized with more certainty than ever before that I really would never be free. I was doomed to be a lab rat, even if I survived the war. I would never know what could be like to lead a semi-normal life, maybe have a family or even some normal friends. Its extremely depressing to come to that conclusion. It made me want to just self-destruct right there.

"What?!" That would be Duo. Great, now I had to face him too. If I knew how to show embarrassment on the outside, I would have. Instead I just tried not to lash out and kill either of the scientists, who were chuckling amongst themselves, as I heard the questions pour forth from the abashed American's mind, although he had only voiced a single word. He had every right to be angry and confused, but I really didn't want it to be in front of the doctors. Fortunately, we came to the end of our trudge through the non-descript metal corridor, and were led into a cold steel room and locked in. There was no escape, although I didn't have the heart to persue freedom at the time anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I let J's words hit me, and pondered them over in my head for a few seconds before I could make myself react. I really didn't know what to say. I mean, how do you go about asking someone if they've been listening in on your thoughts for the past year? Not easy. So I went for astonished and shocked, which was exactly how I felt.

"What?!"

Nobody answered me. Instead Heero and I were dumped into some airless, colourless metal room and the door was shut tight. I knew there was no escaping, and besides, what was I supposed to do, just leave? These people taught me everything I know, there's no way I'm gonna escape them. I had been surprised when we arrived and no big goons came to shackle us before we got moving. Figures, there's probably gas circulating throughout the building, we'd never have a chance to get out, cause it'd take about five seconds to stop us, even with augmented resistance. Ok, yeah, so I tried to think of something to say to Heero, but until we reached the room nothing would come out of my mouth but that one startled word, and after that it was speechlessness until we were both locked up.

Light came from the corners of the room, like all the seams where the walls were supposed to be glued together had been swapped for lights instead. It was a pretty cool effect, in all honesty. The temperature was like a hospital, just a degree or two too cool for comfort, but not life-threatening or anything. I noticed little gas thingies in each corner of the room. Well, at least we'd have no trouble sleeping, whether we wanted to or not. There were normal beds, ok, they were more like cots, and had all been chained and bolted so that it would be too much trouble to even bother freeing them, although why we would want to change the furniture around was beyond me. Ok, ok, I know its for safety or whatever, but c'mon, can't I make up my own reasons for stupid precautionary measures for once? So we got shoved in the slammer and the old guys left. That meant I was alone with Heero until further notice. Great. How do you start a conversation with _him?_ 

And then my mind finally zoomed back to the juicy little tidbit I'd managed to all but forget in my assessment of our surroundings. Heero was psychic? Telepathic? Empathic? Huh? This did not make sense. You hear me? Not computing! Heero, of all people, is the last I'd pick to be any of those things. I mean, aren't empaths, like, emotional and caring and feeling? Ok, something not right here

"What the hell was he talking about Heero!?" Hey, what else could I say, I wanted answers. So I was a little rude I just hoped he'd answer me. As much of a conversationalist as he is and all...

"You heard him." Ground out like he was word constipated or something. Shit, justshit.

"Yeah, he said you hear thoughts. He said you feel other people's emotions. He said you see shit. What the hell was he talking about? I think I'd have noticed if you were reading my mind, I mean, you'd know everything about me! That is just not cool! He wasn'tserious or anything, right?"

I looked up at him from where I'd taken a seat on one of the cots, and saw nothing but sincerity in his glare. Have I mentioned he's tense? He really had the whole clenched fist thing down!

"You're serious? Like, for real?!"

Nod. Ok, more of a half-nod, like a little bow of the head. He never broke our gaze.

My mind went into overload. Heero could hear me thinking? He sawinside? Oh not good, _so_ very not good! I twiddled my thumbs and stood up, pacing the little walkway that was formed by our two beds. /Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,/ was all that went through my head. Heero cleared his throat like he was going to speak, like he was trying really hard to make himself say something, and I forced myself to sit down, although there was no way I was gonna stay still. 

"Duo" he stopped speaking, and I was dismayed to know how hard this conversation was gonna be. None of that flowing, togetherness I'd so like to have.

"Yes, you what?" Just a little sarcastic, mostly upset.

"You don't have todon't be upset. I just" He trailed again, not able to go any further with the speech thing I guess, which really sucked.

"So you can actually hear everything I'm thinking? All the time? Whenever you want to? Do you know how _wrong_ that is?! Its none of your damned business what I think! Who gave you that authority to listen in?" So I was mad, gimme a break! You try finding out your thoughts aren't private and see how you react!

"I don't think you understandI don't just-"

"You don't just what?! Huh! C'mon, tell me!"

He got a determined, challenged flash in his eyes, but still struggled with the words. They wouldn't come to him, not like they did to me. He just couldn't compete in this way, I'd win, 'cause he'd never get a word in. But if I'll be damned if I thought for even a second that he wasn't gonna try his damnedest to get at least a little defense out. Heero is no pushover. He doesn't give up without a fight.

"Duo, I don't justhear you all the timeI block lots of it out. HnAnd there's other people too, not just you. Don't get so mad. You don't even know what you're talking about."

Now _that_ got my attention! Not only is that one of the longest little speeches I'd had from him in awhile (more like ever), but when he goes tells me what I _don't_ know, I just don't see that as fair play. Ok, Mr. Perfect Soldier much? Not to mention presumptuous and _rude!_ But really, I knew he was right. I really didn't know what I was talking about. But this meant I had to let down my pride and go admitting I was wrong and shit, just so I could listen to him correct me? Somehow I don't see the fairness in that

"Its not about fairness, baka." Stern tone, a little more confidence now. It made me mad like you would not believe.

"Stay outta my head Yuy! I don't know how you do that, but just don't!" really I was more afraid of him, of this new and unexplored power, but if he thought he was _ever_ getting me to admit that one, _boy_ did he have another thing comin!

"I don't want you to be afr-JUST STOP IT DUO!!"

I had never, _ever,_ and I mean EVER, hear him yell before. Sure, in battle or something, but out of anger? Stress? Nuh unh, it didn't happen. Heero Yuy glowers at people, he mumbles sometimes, he even gives orders, but he does _not_ raise his voice. So I sat down on the bed and looked at him and got myself all ready and willing to listen to what he had to say. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I didn't know what else to do. I just couldn't deal with the wave of angry confusion that was veritably _gushing_ off of him, so I let it get to me. Some of his anger started to poke at my insides, and I got mad, mad enough to yell. The sound of my own voice leaving me at such a level was astonishing, and as he sat, so did I, simply because I was bewildered. He was ready to listen now, I could read that from him even through everything else. And I wasn't getting much by way of concern or distraction from the rest of the building, although I was so focussed on my argument that I had probably overlooked some important details.

I took a deep breath and tried to regain my calm before I started speaking. I didn't know what I was going to tell him or how long I would be able to talk before my voice just wouldn't go anymore, so I thought about it first, using the impressions I was getting off of Duo to answer his biggest questions in my head, then plan out how I would put that into words. Its much harder than I thought it would be to explain my sense.

"Duo I can hear you thinking, but its not that easy. No, I don't tune into you and listen to everything you think. I getimpressions, like a picture and a thought and a feeling all at once. But they come from everyone I meet, not just you. J taught me to tune a lot of it out, so I'm not constantly listening to people think, but I do feel and hear a lot of it, especially from you because I'm familiar with your thought patterns and I spend so much time in your presence. However, I don't usually know what you're thinking, because you have a veryunique mind, and I don't understand you. You send off so many combinations of different impressions that I feel like I'm sensing three people in you rather than the average two that are present in most people." 

I wanted to go on, but I couldn't. I really could not form anymore words. What I'd just said was possibly my longest speech at one time in several years, and I was exhausted mentally from the strain and of speaking at such length. I had tried my hardest to be less harsh, but I wasn't sure how well I'd succeeded. 

Duo was looking at me with something between surprise, fear and confusion on his face, like he couldn't make himself react. I could hear his Laughter side trying to think of a witty remark as his Depressive side told him to stay away from me, because I could be dangerous. I could hurt him. The Other side, the one I really couldn't understand, carefully thought out an approach and pushed the rest of Duo to follow through. It was not like he consciously acknowledged these three presences in his mind, but he did let them lead him, and he was very much a part of each of them.

"So, this is real? I guess I have to believe you. The old guys said it and all." He gave a moment of silence, and Laughter won out, lending him at least a light attitude, for lack of actual humour. "Hunh. Who'd'a thunk it. Heero Yuy, of all people, knows about emotions, and actually _feels_ them. Well, I think I've had enough surprises forohhhh, lets say the next _month_! Heh heh, so you can hear what's goin on in here right now?" He tapped his head and grinned at me sadistically. I almost grinned myself when I got his thought.

"Hentai." I muttered, laying down on one of the cots although I did not plan to sleep. I wasn't actually tired, but my mind was, from assessing so many dangerously familiar people all in one day. I really didn't want to hear anyone else I knew, it'd be easier to just listen to the general ambience of the colony and fall into a nice restful sleep. Of course that was doomed to failure with Duo around. I watched him intently, seeing how animated he was as if I'd never noticed. He moved constantly, twitching and making all sorts of facial expressions and just generally being active. He moved enough for three people, and with the jumble of thoughts I was getting from him, its more like he _was_ three people, each discussing the present situation with the others. It was so confusing, and I was suddenly very glad that I didn't have his hyper energy.

I had just started to drift into a dreamy, trance-like state when Dr J's voice sounded into our room with piercing clarity, making the gravelly quality of his particular tone evident. I knew he wasn't very close to us in the building, however, because although his voice was loud and clear, his thoughts were too far off to hear. He chuckled lightly, and I was tempted to sit up and ask him what the hell was always so damned funny. I think I've been listening to Duo's thoughts too much lately. 

"Hello boys, before we run our big test, we have to do a few minor ones. This one, I think you'll enjoyto a certain extent. Especially you, Maxwell." He laughed over the speaker again. "We have to test your bodies abilities to resist and process various substances before we do anything. You've both grown and changed quite a lot since the last time we evaluated you, and as teenagers your metabolisms and the balance of different hormones in your bodies has changed. We wouldn't want to end up killing you, now what would be the fun in that?" He laughed madly for a moment, and I was reminded of how crazy he really was. It wasn't a comforting thought. "All you have to do is drink up, and keep drinking until you either pass out or we tell you to stop. Go on now, and fell free to do whatever you like while under the influence, we know all about your little 'flings.' " He laughed again, and a panel opened on the wall. Out slid a forty of whisky and a pair of little metal shot glasses, probably made from that particular material so that we couldn't break and kill ourselves with them instead of following their little experiments.

I cringed when J mentioned flings. That is not what they were! But, really, how could I call what I had with Duo anything else? It was entirely my fault we had ended up with that sort of relationship in the first place, because I was too scared to do anything other than fuck him. But I really, didn't want to think about that right then, I was too busy wondering why, WHY! J wanted to get us drunk. I didn't really want to know.

I looked over to Duo and saw that he was getting off his cot and going over to where the drinks had come out of the wall. As I watched he poured himself a shot and tossed it down with a grimace. Before his next he gave me a dark look and signaled that I come over to where he was, which I promptly did. There was something not right about this, the way we didn't seem to have a choice in our lives, not just this situation; but I agreed with Duo's present state of mind, which he pointlessly clarified for me in spoken speech.

"Well, if we have to be lab rats, may as well be drunk lab rats. At least its more fun that way, ne Heero?"

With that he handed me a shot and poured himself one, and we proceeded to follow our 'orders.'  


  
  



	3. Essence; Ch.3

  
**Essence  
Part Three  
By Lady AngelFiren**

I was shocked when the forty slid out of the wall on a little metal table thing. Wow, our very own bar, just me an'Hee-chan. Awwwww, how sweet of the scary old men. So, I rationalized that whatever happened, I'd probably rather be drunk than sober and waltzed over to where the whisky sat, pouring myself a shot and downing it without much thought. Blech, nasty strong stuff, that. I could feel the familiar crawl of the liquid as it seeped down my throat and coated my insides with quiet fire. The surprise quickly faded, and I gestured for Heero to come join me, telling him my theory about us and drunk lab rats as he was getting up. I quickly and courteously poured him a shot in his own metal glass, slapping it into his hand even as I poured myself a second. So I'm skilled with the bottle, can you blame me? *grin*

Heero glared at me but didn't let any of what he was thinking seep onto his face, it remained a stony mask. I'd never been drunk with him before, and I was looking forward to seeing that soldierly exterior drop or at least bend a little. I mean, it is _so_ not fair that he gets to hear me all the time, and I don't even get normal human reactions from him, much less empathic or telepathic impressions! 

Heero looked at the whisky like it would die if he glared hard enough at it. I couldn't help but laugh. "Heero, its not gonna bitech'ya! Go on, suck it back!" As I was talking he glared some more then lifted the glass to his lips. I couldn't even swallow another shot until was done laughing at his reaction. He sipped it from the glass, rather than just drinking it down. It was hilarious! His face got all scrunched up and his eyes watered furiously as he forced himself to swallow the whole thing that way. A sick expression came over his face as he tried to hide his disgust, failing miserably. A shudder, and then he had himself under a little more control, but it was still ceaselessly entertaining.

"Heero! Haven't you ever taken shots before? You don't sip it, you pull it down as fast as you can! _Now_ whose a baka, eh? Lets try another one, together this time. We'll play shooters."

He looked up at me with a terrible glare, then back at the bottle as if he thought I was gonna make him drink the whole thing at once or something. He had to be trying to melt it with his laser eyes, I swear. It was too funny. Surprisingly, he got somewhat defensive.

"I haven't done this before. I don't know how. _Do_ we have to drink the whole bottle?" there was concern, almost fear in his voice. I downed my second quickly, growling at the sharp taste as it rolled slowly through my body. I was pleased to feel a little wave of heat rising in my stomach and groin, just a reminder why I enjoyed this particular activity so well.

"Normally no, we certainly wouldn't, but I don't know how much its gonna take you to get drunk, what with all the poking and prodding J's done, so we'll just have to wait and see. Here, this'll help you along." I smiled maliciously and handed him a second as I poured myself a third. This time he watched me closely and then followed my exact movements when he drank, and was more successful. In fact, he didn't even flinch, he just knocked the metal glass back down on the sad little bar in a gesture that did nothing but demand more. Soldier much?

I poured him another (it was turning into a thoughtless habit now that we'd managed to dent the forty a little) and waited for him to down it, then poured him yet _another_ and watched as he evened out with me. We were at four each now, and I was _definitely_ feeling the effects. I walked over to the beds, sitting on the one that had become 'mine' and giggling unintentionally as the room quirked and wavered around me. I didn't spill the precious whisky though, no siree Bob, I wouldn't do _that!_ Heh heh, BobI'm a cheap drunk, so sue me!

Heero came after me, not swaying even a bit except for in my vision. He sat down beside me and took the bottle, pouring himself another shot and downing it like an old pro. I giggled again and swung an arm around him.

"Thought it tasted bad Heeee-chan" I said, only drawing out his name 'cause I knew he hated it when I called him that. I wasn't _that_ drunk! I took the bottle and sucked a mouthful straight from it, earning a 'look' from Heero, eyebrows raised and all. This was immensely funny to me, and I broke out into a fit of little giggles that had probably just shattered any hope I had of being 'manly' in Heero's eyes ever again. He looked at me queerly and then frowned, his brows knitting together a little.

"I feel your thoughts are different, they'reslower. But I don't feel any different. Why not?" Like he didn't know. I think he was just playing on my tipsy state. I took another pull off the bottle and handed it to him, loving the friction that tingled through me when his hand brushed lightly against mine. I rubbed his back and chuckled thickly, urging him to drink. He did. He lifted it to his lips and dranka lot. He damn near doubled what he'd already had! I took the bottle from him and set it out of the way on the floor, managing to fall off the bed in the process. Once again, immensely funny. I sat there in a little heap for a few moments, laughing into the floor until I felt Heero's hands slide under my arms and start to pull me up. I stopped to take another pull off the bottle before I allowed him to drag me back up onto the bed. He took said bottle from me and placed it on a metal night table that I hadn't even noticed. I made note of the drawers and hoped that it contained any necessary 'items' we'd need for our little 'evaluation.'

"Heero" I breathed and crawled onto him, not even trying to hide my arousal and the full-body flush of heat that had taken me. I laughed at the way his eyes widened, as if he hadn't expected me to be so forward. Now _that_ was funny! I pushed him down onto his back, crawling on all fours over him and laying myself down on top of him so that out chests pressed together. Heat was forming over his skin as the alcohol took over and raised his heart rate. I squirmed giddily and reached a hand up to touch his cheek. Sure enough it was very warm, and his eyes had a glaze to them, accompanying the blush that had risen on his face. I bent my head low over him and breathed into his ear, stealing a nibble while I was at it. He jerked a little, but growled deeply when I nipped him.

"Feel it now, Sssholdier boy?" I asked with an unnaturally huge grin, trying my best to get myself to speak clearly, but wasn't quite as successful as I'd hoped. Like I said, I'm a cheap drunk.

I never gave him a chance to answer. My body acted before I'd decided what to do, and I was pressing my mouth down over Heero's, tasting the whisky on his breath. My tongue plunged into him and began to twine around his, evoking whimpers at first, then a heady groan as one of my hands snaked down his torso to tease him by stroking his inner thighs without touching his arousal through the skintight spandex he was wearing. He shifted, trying to get me to touch his erection, but my hand danced nimbly out of the way, moving higher up on his body. I broke our kiss, choosing instead to bite at one of his lips before moving down to his neck. His breaths were coming more quickly now, as he gasped to replace the air lost on the kiss. The sound of his breathing, the way wasn't just smooth, but had a thick, raspy quality to it as it was drawn to and from his lips made me almost squeal with heat and pleasure. 

I planted my knees firmly on the bed on either side of him and stretched like a cat over top of his body, loving the feel of all my clothes shifting over my sensitive, flushed skin. He growled at me in 'that tone,' and I couldn't stop myself from taking his mouth once more in mine and invading the welcoming heat of him with my tongue. I made sure to ground my erection into his as I was doing this, effectively distracting him as I began to peel off his tank top. And slide a hand into his shorts. The direct touch of his burning skin on mine was almost too much.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I still didn't feel a thing as I watched Duo stagger only slightly on his way to the bed, and by the time he'd started drinking directly from the bottle I was starting to wonder if this wasn't a bad idea. So when he handed me the bottle and I drank as much of the burning liquid as I could without throwing up everywhere, I really had no idea what to expect. The whisky was like fire going down my throat, but it quickly faded as a feeling of pleasurable heat came over me in a thick wave. It started in my groin, and I was taken completely by surprise when I watched myself bend down and pull Duo up against me on the bed. It was hard not to laugh out loud, but I quickly found my mouth occupied with other things, like Duo's skilled tongue, his slurred words floating through my head.

/ 'Feel it now, Sssholdier boy?' /

/Uh huh,/ I thought and once more had to work at not giggling madly. I felt so...hot and hyper! All I wanted was to do plunge myself into Duo's firm, sweaty form and stay there forever. From him I was getting a jumble of thoughts, but none of it made any sense through the blanket of heat that had wrapped itself around my mind. There was only the heat of Duo and the pleasures that continued to increase as he moved down to my neck and sucked at the skin, then bit down lightly before releasing me to blow softly on the moistened patch of taut flesh he'd been teasing. One of his hands made its way down my torso in a slow line of fire that was causing me to moan incoherently and throw my head back on the bed, eyes closing to bask in sensation. In the darkness behind my closed eyelids, I felt my body tingle and pulse with welcome heat, and it was almost like I had begun to spin on my back, at an easy pace. 

I felt Duo's lips on my own once more, and strongly tasted the whisky on his breath as I'm sure he tasted it on mine. Suddenly there was a streak of light in the darkness I'd been flying through and my eyes snapped open when Duo's hand touched my aching arousal. I realized I was still sprawled out on my back with Duo on top of me, kissing my lips and stroking my manhood as he did it. It was like I'd been 'away' for a moment, but it really didn't matter. I groaned with pleasure, unable to keep myself from thrusting into his hand as he touched me. My back arched, and my body shivered. I felt heavy, almost thick, but it was immensely satisfying, like I was a gate for some wide river of heat and feeling to flow directly through, touching every part of my body as it moved. Inside and out I felt a sense of that same rush, and it excited me to no end.

Duo released my mouth with a sound that was more of a moan than a giggle when I finally remembered my arms enough to use them. His flesh was hot and wet, and the layers of shirts he always wore had matted to his thin form from the heat. I pushed on his chest and tried to force myself into a sitting position on the bed. My arms felt weak and rubbery, but the heat did not cease so I really didn't care. After a few tries I managed to sit up and was intently unfastening the buttons on Duo's priest-style shirt, when I realized that he had somehow managed to get my own green tank top off of me without my even knowing. I found this hilariously funny, and began to laugh, falling back on the bed and forgetting all about the buttons I'd just about halfway undone. I closed my eyes and laughed into the swimming, floating darkness that enveloped me. Duo's voice and his pokes on my stomach did not register until he grabbed my erection and tugged vigorously. The feeling was getting far away, like I was floating outside myself. 

Opening my eyes once more I found the room was spinning uncontrollably around my head, and my vision was watery and bleary from the tears I'd shed while laughing. A little voice in my head told me that 'this isn't right!!!' but I could not have cared less. I ignored Duo, who was talking to me even through his drunken haze and let the tippy, swirly dark come over me again. I couldn't feel myself anymore, like my head was completely numb. I wasn't hearing any thoughts at all, and Duo's angry words did not make any difference in my surrender to unconsciousness.  
  
~*~*~*~A few hours later~*~*~*~

I sat up suddenly, having been pulled from sleep by the silence in the room around me. My head swam and my vision squirmed in protest to my actions, and before I could get a grip on myself I rolled over and vomited onto the cold steel floor beside my bed. Wiping at my mouth with one hand, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to get my stomach to quit doing flip flops as I sat perfectly still on the bed. 

When I felt capable of opening my eyes again, I tried it and looked around the room. It was the same austere metal enclosure I remembered entering earlier. From my internal clock, I could tell I'd been in the room for about five hours, and that I had spent roughly four of those hours unconscious. Piss drunk is more like it. 

I vaguely remembered the doctor's words before Duo and I had been presented with the forty of whisky and given the order to 'drink up.' I clenched my fists at the fuzzy way my head was feeling, and glared with malice at the bottle on top of a metal nightstand I didn't remember being there before. Then again, I'd passed out while Duo was pleasuring me, so I really didn't trust my own judgement on that one.

Remembering what had happened, I cringed through the thick feeling in my head and looked around for Duo. He was not in the room. This worried me, and I opened up my mind, forcing back the pain that entered from using my sense through the hangover I'd developed. I found him in the room adjacent to mine, and after assessing his situation, discovered that he was still quite unconscious and would not be awakening for several hours. I suppose it took him longer to process the alcohol he'd consumed, but that left me alone with my thoughts until I could listen to his. 

I realized I was immensely thirsty, and was glad to find that the little metal panel that had originally presented Duo and myself with whisky was replenished. There was a metal pitcher of water and a tall metal glass for me to help myself from, which I did, drinking greedily. Then I became aware of the lavatory facilities which could be accessed at the push of a button and made use of them as well.

With nothing much to do until Duo woke up, I settled into a corner of the bed and sat against the wall, willing the ache in my head to stop and wishing I had something to do. Boredom isn't so easy as you'd think, especially when you both wish something would happen and dread the thing you know will eventually occur. 

I opened up my mind, hovering closely around Duo just to make _sure_ he was ok and noticed that the presence of his dead friend was also hovering closely, almost thickly around him. I wondered who it was and turned my attentions elsewhere. There was a dimming of all the lights in the room, and I heard a voice in my mind, but it was different, like it had been sent or actually _directed_ at me. I jerked in my head but didn't physically move a muscle as the whispy voice whispered into me.

~~I'm Solo please, tell Duo I love'im, and I'm watch'in 'im, alright? I can't talk like this much, its tirin'. Makes me weak, an'I have to be there for'im, so I can't get weak. Heero, tell'im I love'im. Pleasethank you.~~

The last part, the 'thank you,' was said more pleadingly than the rest, like it was really meant to hit home. I had no idea how to react. I'd never had a thought actually sent into my head before, I'd always just picked them up from other people. It was eerie, to hear that rich voice sing through my mind. Filled with so much longing and pain I wanted to go and hug Duo and relate the feeling back to this Solo character, just so he wouldn't hurt anymore. I knew I couldn't do that, but I was struck with an unusual desire to cry for whoever he was and I couldn't make myself react. I felt a little bit like Duo had when he learned of myabilities.

The presence hugged Duo's sleeping form some more and then evaporated. I got the distinct feeling that it was exhausted from the message. The lights went back to their full power and I was left to ponder what had just happened while my head slowly throbbed and I clenched and unclenched my fists to gain focus through the hangover. 

Who was Solo, anyway? I would have to ask Duo. Maybe a brothera lover? No, they were too young to be lovers. I often got pictures of 'Solo,' but I never got an explanation. It piqued my curiosity and gave me something more to think about.

I was suddenly very tense with anticipation andsomething else.. I was realizing how much I did not want to be here, how much I wanted my freedomIt really did not seem fair that I had to spend my life alone and unhappy in places like this _cage,_ when every other person got to be free. However, I thought about the good I was probably doing by helping so many with my life, that it pretty much evened itself out. If I had to die, but consequentially others would live in peace, shouldn't I do it? 

Yes.

It was the only conclusion my mind would allow itself to come to. As I clenched my fists tightly once more, I thought about the things that had passed through the old lady's mind as she drew her last breath in the apartment building back on Earth the night before. She had a family, and that family had their own family, and now they had no need of her; it was better that she go. But before, when they were small and needed care, her children had _demanded_ they get attention, and it wasn't an option for her. Now, she had become a burden to them, and it was best that she die in her little apartment, alone and cold, so that those children she had spent her whole life nurturing and caring for could go on without her and enjoy their happiness. I found this disturbing, and tried to think of what it had to do with Solo and I aside from the obvious. I don't like to admit it, but I felt very much like that.  


  



	4. Essence; Ch.4

  
**Essence  
Part Four  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


I felt my mind coming back to me, and as soon as it did there was a familiar pain along with it, like I'd been used as a doormat for elephants and they'd decided to have a party. I knew what was going on and quickly remembered where I was, but I was smart enough not to move until my stomach stopped sloshing around and my head quit its damned spinning. Stupid booze, leaving me all sick and icky feeling. I vowed never to drink again and knew seconds afterwards that I would not heed my own promise. Right, like I'd stay sober if I could help it. Heh heh, funny joke, that.

After about ten minutes of laying motionless and willing myself not to throw up all over the place, I deemed it an impossible feat and sat quickly up, my stomach jumping into my throat as it hurriedly emptied itself all over the floor. I was in some metal room with weird lights in all the corners, but there was no sign of Heero anywhere and I didn't like that one bit. Finding water and a toilet, I climbed back onto the bed and waited for something to happen.

What?! I couldn't Just leave, I had nothing better to do anyway! So I sat there, pretty much bored, not wanting to think about what could be happening to Heero while I was stuck here in the boring metal room. Laying back, I counted the squares on the ceiling, and when I was done that I counted the squares on the floor. How exciting, it was justriveting. I almost had to lay down after awhile because I was so into counting the stupid squares. I was already laying down, but you get the point. Me, babble? Naw

When my head had finally started to feel a little better and I was drifting comfortably between wakefulness and sleep, a huge voice boomed into the room through unseen speakers and bounced off the walls, brining back the pounding in my head a thousand-fold. 

"Shit!" I cursed the voice, even as it went on talking. 

"Boys, thank you for participating in our little test, I'm sure you had lots of fun." J laughed, and I glared darkly at the wall, wishing I could see straight through the hazy thickness in my head. "Now, you can both leave your rooms, and you will file down the hall without talking. You will reach a door. Go through it. From there you'll be given further orders. Go on now. Out!" the boom of J's mechanical, but gravelly voice ceased, and the wall slid open on my room. I made my way into the hall through the giant doorway and was relieved to see Heero coming out of the first room I'd visited. Hmmm, I didn't really have time to talk to him, I suppose I'd just have to wait until we were given a chance to be alone, or as alone as we'd ever get around here, together. 

He looked strangely at me as we walked, and I had to fight the urge to turn around and ask him what the hell he was staring at, when I realized that I wasn't smiling or laughing. Basically, I was feelin really nervous and upset, and I'd let it show. Damned joker's mask, I swear, on of these days I'm gonna burn the fuckin thing. Never have to smile again unless I meant it. Now _that_ would be a blessing! I think I still have a little ways to go before I can make good on that though, may as well try an survive the war before I go trying to be all down-to-Earth and emotional. 

Yeah, so anyway, I plastered a goofy grin on my lips and turned to Heero, searching his eyes furiously for the relief that just would not come. I was smiling, wasn't he satisfied? Maybe there was something else; hmm, what could be bothering him if I was lookin like my normal gleeful self?

The I remembered his little 'talent.' Duh he saw through me, he was reading my thoughts! Jesus, no privacy at all; this is what I get for being his friend in the first place. I really wonder why I'm such a nice guy sometimes. Anyway, I saw his faint little nod at my realization, and kicked myself for forgetting about him. I would have to learn to mask my thoughts, I see no fairness in him being able to read them all the time if I don't get to read his. He shrugged stiffly (how he manages to actually _shrug_ stiffly I will never know) at me when I sent him the mental question of how to do this, and I felt a little flare of anger in me before I completely swept it away with other thoughts. /Enough dwelling on this,/ I scolded myself, / I'll deal with it later, if and when I can./ I was beginning to get a big stack of stuff that I had told myself to deal with later. Well, I never said I didn't procrastinate! So sue me, I'm a little lazy, whatever. I have places to go, people to kill, c'mon, cut me some slack!

Ok, I finally got to the end of the nice little hallway, which turned out to lead straight into a big door of the secure metal variety. So comforting to know that some little old men needed giant metal doors to feel safe, much less that I was under their control and it was me they were controlling with those damned doors, among other things. Stupid fucking training, there are so many days I think it'd be much better if I were dead. I wonder what is stopping me from actually offing myself? 

A growl from Heero's direction yanked me out of my thoughts, and I looked up into the faces of two people I seriously dreaded, Dr. J and Professor G. Wonder what Heero was growling aboutthem, or my suicidal musings? Anyway, the evil old men smiled down at Heero and myself from their station behind a big glass window that was about fifteen feet up the wall; we were in a circular metal room that was more of an observation pit that anything elseor so I thought. J grinned wide and began speaking.

"Thank you for coming boys, we collected the data required to evaluate your bodies, now we are ready to perform the actual test which has been in preparation for several years. I think you will both be intrigued and fascinated by our work, and I trust that everything will go fine." He chuckled to himself, and pushed some unseen buttons. He didn't seem to be aiming to impress us just now, instead he was concentrating severely on what he was doing, and seemed almost to ignore us. 

I took this opportunity to glance over at Heero and see how he was taking this. Maybe he could read some of J's thoughts? That would be great, then he could probably find us a way out of here, although that wouldn't matter. The doctors are in control of our lives. They have a system rigged in us that prevents us from simply walking out on them. If I were to tell G one day that I quit, he would only need to push a button, and my life becomes a thing of the past. It is very depressing to know that you aren't even in control of whether or not you live. I was thinking that this new 'experiment' could be a more complete form of control, maybe they'd found a way to completely obliterate out free will? I really dreaded to think of what they could have planned for us. 

Heero shook his head at me and glared at the wall in front of him, waiting for something to happen. The ache in my head returned, pulsing with each beat of my heart, only strengthening the dread and anger that had started building a permanent home in my brain. Fuck I hate my life sometimes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Duo looked over at me as he thought about what could possibly be in store for us. There was nothing I could do to make him feel better, or at least I didn't know how to do it if there was. Laughter was currently battling long and hard with Cynicism, giving me a jumbled impression of what was actually happening inside of him. On one hand, I knew we'd entered the little room and were waiting for whatever J's 'invention' was to be shown us, but I was also lost in the heated debate going on unconsciously in Duo. He was trying to take everything lightly, just laugh it off, but at the same time he felt so helpless and weak that it was almost painful to experience. I heard J clearing his throat loudly and decided that I could listen to Duo battle later, I'd like to be prepared for whatever we were about to undergo. I really was not looking forward to this, so I glared into the side of the 'observation pit,' and tried not to think.

It didn't work very well, but at least I was able to subdue the tight fear that had risen in my chest. I clenched my fists and swallowed, trying to push that feeling as far from me as possible. The steel wall I had focussed on was boring and featureless, and I couldn't keep my mind all closed up when I was feeling this sort of disturbance. I crushed my jaws together, grounding my teeth into one another, trying to keep from feeling anything from the room around me. This helped somewhat, but not enough for me to block out the excitement that was currently flowing out of both doctors. J grinned down at us (I could feel his eyes on me, although I continued to watch the wall), and his subdued chuckles became near throes of laughter. I shivered internally and bit the inside of my cheek, trying to make that tight feeling go away, telling myself that it did not matter if I was scared, whatever was set to happen would. After all, I am the lab rat here, not the other way around. I have no choices.

Duo was watching me out of the corner of his eye (I have excellent peripheral vision, so I could see him and the wall) as we stood and waited for something to happen. Laughter and Cynicism had both been beaten back by Other, and Duo was feelingblank. Not really scared, but certainly not pleased. He coughed nervously, looking up at the glass window above us and wondering if he would have his hair when we were through. I suddenly remembered what had happened before we were ordered here; I had a message for him from 'Solo.' Would I have a chance to give it to him?

"Alright, we will guide you both through this procedure, just follow our orders and you'll besafe." Dr. J's voice came over the speaker and he laughed for a few moments before continuing. "You will seriously regret trying anything, this is a dangerous experiment, and we don't want to see you hurt, you wouldn't be useful to us that way. Shall we begin?"

Duo bit his lip and allowed his brows to draw together, but he did not voice his anger. Instead, I glanced over to him and nodded, assuring his inquiring mind that J was speaking the truth. Well, as much of the truth that the man/machine ever speaks. He was currently picturing both Duo and myself, chained to a wall, as he poked us with hot iron poles. His mind chuckled gleefully at the prospect; I sincerely hoped that was not what he had planned, I wasn't sure if I could handle it, I might break. I clenched my stomach tightly and refocused my eyes on the wall ahead of me. I would _not_ let him get to me! What were these doctors doing? And who gave them the power to destroy and manipulate life at their own will? I wondered when the doctors would get tired of us and just let us die, but checked myself. I had glared at Duo for his own suicidal wishes, and here I was thinking the very same thing, and that is just not fair.

J cackled and I saw his real arm moving, pushing buttons, and twisting knobs on an unseen console. Suddenly a thick glass wall slid out of the ceiling between Duo and myself, effectively separating us and neatly halving the cylindrical room. I didn't look at the transparent barrier, after the first glance. It made me terribly nervous, the way it cut me away from Duo. I listened with my sense for what he thought of the wall, and was shocked to find that I could hear nothing of his thoughts. Nothing! It was like he was a picture on a vidscreen and little more. I forgot my control for a moment and looked suspiciously up at the doctors, who were not looking at us. I glanced over to Duo, trying to ascertain if he was more than a hologram, and found that he was definitely still on the other side of the glass, I just couldn't sense him. I felt a little gap in mysomewhere, wherever the thought-feelings go, I guess, and it ached painfully with the realization that he was gone from inside of me. What was going on?! I could still feel the scientists and a few staff in the rest of the building, but Duo was lost to me. I looked at him directly, saw that he was watching me with avid interest, and checked my movements back to their originally controlled state. 

Dr. J abruptly spoke up over the speakers, his rough voice grinding into my suddenly too-quiet mind with an unmasked note of superiority. "Heero, you have noticed theadjustment. Good. I am pleased, this is the first step towards my reign over you. Excellent. If you would both step back against your respective walls, we can continue." 

I glared up at the doctors and stepped back, lightly pressing my back against the curved wall behind me. Duo did the same in his half of the cylindrical room, looking at me with an expression I could not read. /It would help if I had my sense, I don't usually need to look at him to know what he is expressing./ I grumbled at myself, feeling the void grow in me as I realized that I really didn't know much at all about his body language. What was he thinking? How did he feel about this situation? It was MADDENING! I felt soincomplete!

I stood against the wall, waiting for something to happen and wondering if Duo was alright. The room began to grow darker, and after a minute or so we were in pitch blackness, staring ahead with no indication for what was going on. With my vision obsolete, My other senses adjusted themselves. I could hear a faint humming from all around me, the sound of that the colony makes. I wasn't even aware of it until I listened for it, having grown up in this place. Closer, there was the clacking of a keyboard being used, and the quiet, insistent beep that vids and computers make to indicate one thing or another. And then it wasn't dark anymore. A warm yellow glow sprang into the room, coming from the glass wall. I couldn't see Duo past it, but I knew he was there from the sound of his boots shuffling on the metal grate floor and his hands fiddling behind him, against the wall. I was tempted to call out to him, but of course I would not speak, it would be a major betrayal of my training and I did not want the scientists to know how blind I felt without my sense.

From just in front of the glass wall, a panel I had earlier noted in the floor slid open with a mechanical whoosh of compressed air being released. Very slowly, a smaller cylinder began to move upwards from the hole, its metallic circumference flashing vigorously as it rose, giving it the semblance of a living thing. From above, a metal protuberance that looked strangely like a plunger slammed down, screwing onto the top of the cylinder with a loud grind of metal, and then everything was still.

I just glared at the strange thing, wondering what it was, if I would have to go inside, and dreading whatever would come of the thing. There were no switches or buttons or anything that I could see on the outside of the it, but there were two thin seams running up its length, hinting not-so-subtly at a door. Said door slid smoothly into the floor as soon as I had noted it, and J's voice was back, rasping low over the speaker.

"Get in." he said in a quipped tone that was nothing like him, sounding as if whatever he was working on took all of his concentration and he did not want to be distracted, even if it was necessary for the experiment. 

I unconsciously reached out to feel what Duo was thinking, and was painfully reminded of my sense's particular absence. It lent a tinge of foreboding to the whole situation, but I obeyed the short order regardless. My body had grown unnaturally stiff with tension while I was pressed to the wall, and I could barely get my legs to move I did it anyway, ignoring the prickly, tingling protests from my knees and stomach. I really don't like fear. 

I set a careful non-expression on my face, recognizing the feel of it and gaining at least a tiny bit of comfort from the familiar facial cast as I stepped into the tall chamber. Instantly, the door slid up from the floor, shutting me into the darkness of the airless cell. I looked around, seeing nothing in front of me and nothing behind. I couldn't sense the thoughts or feelings of anybody, now that I was in the hot, stale confinement, and this struck something inside of me, something that shook deeply and tried to crawl away but was unable. I feltblind, especially because not only could I feel nothing, but I also could not see. My hands began to shake and my breath quickened. There were no more voices from the speaker. In fact, I couldn't hear anything at all save my own heavy breaths and the pulse of blood through my ears. 

There was a deep vibration in the floor; it ran up my legs and through my whole body, sending my stomach spinning and leaving me horribly nauseous. I couldn't breathe! It wasn't like being in the small, airless cockpit of Wing, nor were the vibrations anything like the jostle of the Gundam as it performed. This went all through me, shaking not only my body, but my mind and soul too.

The vibration stopped abruptly, and I felt even sicker than I had when it first started. Then it was back, stronger this time, and my vision began to go white at the edges. I couldn't feel my body at all! I heard the thick sound of tried breathing, and finally silence as I lost consciousness.   


  



	5. Essence; Ch.5

  
**Essence  
Part Five  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


I felt myself coming to, but it wasweird. I felt different somehow, like...I dunno, just different. I hadn't moved or opened my eyes yet, but I knew there was something different before I was even completely awake. I strained my hearing, and I found that I could hear little aside from the faint hum of the colony all around me and the sound of somebody breathing peacefully. But there was something else. I was getting afeeling? No, it was more like a picture, but it wasn't that either. A quiet, steady pulse from right beside mecalm, like somebody sleeping, but very familiar. It was infuriating! What the hell was going on?? 

I told myself to wake up completely, and the strange impression was surmounted by my other senses' strengthening. I could now clearly hear another person breathing right beside me, in what must have been a small steel room, because of the subtle way the breaths echoed. I knew I was laying down, most likely on a small cot, from the close-knit cotton under me and the way my feet hung over the end of it, into thin air.

/That's funny,/ I reflected, /I don't remember not fitting on the cots before, what in the Hell is going on here!?/

I slowly opened my eyes to a very dimly lit cube of a room, looking first at the ceiling before getting into a sitting position. The unusual feeling that I had noticed somehow told me that whoever was in this room with me was waking up, but I ignored it. There was something very wrong here, I felt sostrong! I sat up without any effort, feeling the muscles in my stomach bunch and contract as I did. I didn't even have to use my arms! My body felt weird, like I was made of steel or something, but at the same time I could tell it was natural; I was quickly becoming confused, and I didn't like it one bit. I looked absently down at myself and I swear, my heart stopped, and my jaw dropped onto the floor.

I was wearing black Spandex bike shorts and a green tank top, and my skin was darker than normal, and a few locks of very dark brown hair fell into my eyes, andI WASN'T ME!!! 

/Ohmigod, ohmigod OHMIGOD!!! Holy fucking shit!/ I couldn't think past those words. Was this the scientist's new experiment? If so, then where was my body? Where was Heero? If I was in his body I turned to my left, once more reflecting on the unnatural strength in his sculpted frame, and got the biggest shock of my life. 

I saw myself looking back at me. My body was looking back at me, a strange non-expression on my face, my own indigo eyes glittering with several things, namely fear and anger. The pulsing feeling was coming from my form, and it told me exactly who was looking at me through my eyes. Heero was in my body, and I was in his, and we were both very confused and very scared. He didn't speak, but I knew what he wanted to say all the same. His mind, his heart, his _essence,_ they spoke to me in a language I had never heard, but somehow understood in all its entirety. But it couldn't be Heero could it? Heero, who was presently crying inside, hungering with his soul for something which was gone from him, something that I had gained. The realization hit me then. Despite the situation, I realized that I now had his sense, whatever it was that made him hear my thoughts and feelings. It was mine! But he hungered for it so deeply that I wanted to give it back to him, and knowing that I couldn't only made me sad.

"Heero?" I said, looking at my body, but feeling him in it. I gasped and my eyes widened at the sound of my voice. It was quiet, low, very deep and manly for a fifteen-year-old, but it had my accents, my speech pattern. That one little word shocked me more than the impressions I got from him, more, even, than being in his body, because it solidified the peculiar fact. I wasn't really me anymore. I was in his steel-strong form, and I had no way of getting out. 

"Duo," he said with my voice, but in the same manner he usually spoke, so that I knew instantly it was him. He hid his face-my face-behind an emotionless mask (actually it was more slack than controlled), but I could feel his fear. It oozed off of him and leaked into me, and there was nothing I could do to control it. "I can'tsense you anymore, Duo. Its gone" he trailed, and looked off to the wall behind me, concentrating on trying to feel something from me, and getting nothing. A deeply saddened version of the strong soldier I knew had landed in my lap, and I had no idea how to react. 

/This isn't Heero,/ my mind screamed at me, /He doesn't cry, he doesn't fear, he doesn't _feel!!_ / But every fiber of my being knew that it _was_ Heero, unmasked. He had just never expressed himself before, and I hadn't suspected a thing. I kicked myself for being so blind, but firmed my resolve to stay calm and deal with the situation. Firstly, I had to get Heero out of his little lapse; he was staring off, not really acknowledging what had happened, rather he was in his own world. "Heero. Snap out of it." I said, almost shuddering at the cold, emotionless quality of my new voice. I felt like I was watching a movie, and the guys in Hollywood had gotten someone else to play me, and the acting was all wrong. It just didn't feel natural, after hearing my own voice squeak and chuckle all my life, to get that even monotone out of my mouth. 

Watching my face brighten with consciousness, I felt Heero's mind return to the present. "Duo?" he said loudly, his voice cracking a little.

"Yeah, some experiment those old guys have come up with now, eh? Now what are we gonna do? You think they'll change us back, or leave us like this? Christ but this is weird." I looked at him, holding his eyes so he wouldn't space out again, and listening carefully to what he was thinking. When he spoke it surprised me, just because he didn't seem able to control my voice. It came out all loud and squeaky, and I laughed, grinning broadly.

"I don't know. Its gone I can't feel anymore! Do you have it? Can you sense, like I did before?" 

I guess the whole sense thing was his main focus at the moment, but it was mostly just confusing me. I mean, he'd think one thing, and say something completely different! I had no idea whether I should be reacting to his feelings or his words, and I couldn't really tell the two apart, so it was even worse. How did he do this all the time? And now that he didn't have his sense, would he have any idea how to communicate with people, even me? I looked at him, seeing my face contorted in confusion, and marveled that he would be so expressive. I think it was mostly because he didn't know how to control the unfamiliar face, and so his emotions were showing through. He certainly wasn't shrouding his mind; I could see and feel him as plain as day. I had thrown him off with my grinning and chuckling, he was unsure now, about what I was feeling, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Its ok, Heero, I don't know what's going on either, but you don't have to be afraid. The docs aren't planning to off us, I think they just wanna poke at us for awhile. We can handle it, ne? C'mon, come back to me, quit goin' all spacey, its freaky."

Heero looked at me, frowning. He hadn't wanted me to see him so exposed. He was feelinginvaded? Naked even? Well how the hell did he think I felt when I had him rootin' through my thoughts 24/7? Yeah, its okay for _him_ to do it, but now I can't? Nuh unh, doesn't work like that. I would have to get him to understand that if we were stuck in this situation, then it wasn't going to be easy for either of us, but it there wasn't any room for disagreement. It was one of those 'work together' things. He didn't know about those. When it comes to Heero, its mostly all independence and saving the world; he seriously has to learn about sharing and stuff. I took it upon myself to teach him, but I wasn't so sure about that. At the moment, I was a little more concerned with getting out of the metal cube and off the colony.

"Ok, we gotta get outta here before we can do anything. How do we do that?" I asked him, concentrating on holding his eyes. The majority of his mind was absently reaching out for a power that no longer existed in him, and it was almost painful to watch him grieve. He looked into my eyes, but he wasn't really there.

The door slid open then, and the lights came on brightly. I squinted and looked into the doorway. Nobody was there. Heero, too, looked, but he wasn't really seeing what was around him, I think he was slipping into shock. I told myself to write that one down in the history books, 'cause I figured it was only a matter of hours, and that would be gone, replaced by the Heero who is all business and explosions. Over the speakers, Dr. J's gravel tone cackled like a child (an old, ugly child, but blissful none-the-less), and I snapped to attention, feeling the muscle's in my new back tense and ripple as I moved. 

"You are free to go. You have one mission, for now. Become accustomed to the change, and report back when you are contacted. Keep a detailed log of everything that you feel and experience. Do not let the other pilots, or anybody else, know about the change. By the way, you boys make great lab rats, now get back to Earth." 

Heero was just looking blankly at the wall where the speaker was lodged now, not moving or responding. I stood, wavering a bit as I realized that I was a few inches taller than I had been, and stretched, loving the way my body felt. It was still the coolest thing I'd ever experienced: living in Heero's Perfect Body. I cast a glance to him and saw that he was still sitting there, a vacant expression in his eyes, barely anything radiating from his essence. Stooping, I lifted him so that he had an arm round my shoulders and was in a standing position at my side. As I started to walk from the room, he unconsciously moved his-my-legs to keep pace, but if I had let go of him, he would have fallen flat on his-my-ass. 

We were lead by a servant or worker guy (I dunno who he was, but he was very scared of the doctors) to a cab, which took us to the spaceport. There was no interesting driver this time, in fact, things had ceased being so funny to me now, because I could see everything that went under the humour, and it made things less than amusing. /Maybe this is why Heero never laughs at my jokes/ I thought as I dragged him onto the shuttle and it took off into space.

We were about halfway to the pretty blue planet, when I felt Heero starting to come out of his frighteningly silent trance. He just looked up at me suddenly and mumbled, "Gomen, I was scared." I was surprised at his admission, but I also understood that it didn't begin to cover how small and weak and helpless he felt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I fought the urge to throw up as I admitted my fear to Duo, cringing and fighting shivers in the warmth of the shuttle. I was cold. Duo's body did not have as much meat or muscle as mine, and I was unaccustomed to being cool. In fact, it was the lack of control that got to me. His form was strong, yes, but compared to mine, it was almost weak. But where I had been strong and forceful by nature, this new form was quick and sly, moving in a completely different manner than I did, and I had no idea how to utilize this stealthy advantage. Of course, I hadn't done much moving around since waking, I was too preoccupied with the gap in my heart. 

My sense was GONE!! I could feel nothing from anybody around me. It was quiet in my mind, and cold all around. I had tried countless times in the small period to pick up even the slightest impression from somebody, _anybody,_ but to no avail. Duo's body was as perceptive and sensitive to emotional and telepathic energies as most people, which is to say, not at all. I had been unable to receive anything for a few hours, and already the solitary quietude was driving me crazy. I didn't even know where Duo stood, if he had gained my abilities along with my body and if so, did he understand anything of what he received? I couldn't think clearly at all, and told myself that if I didn't calm my mind and rest, that I would never be able to think again. 

So I retreated into myself, mulling over little things, but mostly avoiding the big issue; my heart was blind, and I wouldn't be seeing anything anytime soon. Slowly, however, my training told me that I had to wake up, and I reluctantly pulled myself from my musings to see Duo-me-looking at me with queer interest. I mumbled to him half-heartedly, then firmed my resolve and forced down the bile that had risen in my throat. I would not be this weak! I would not be this fragile! /I am a soldier, and I will act like one!/ I shouted at myself, noticing thesomething that flashed in Duo's now-Prussian eyes. It was the most expression I had ever seen on my own face, and I thought I would actually look kind of nice if I smiled once in awhile, or showed some expression. This thought was swept away unconsciously, but it lingered in the back of my mind for a few moments.

"Heero, we have orders," Duo was saying, in my voice, but with his own speech patterns, so that he sounded like somebody else entirely, but not quite. Looking at my own face, as if in a mirror, but seeing it governed by somebody else was disturbing, but it could not be helped. "J says for us to go back to Earth and get used to this, and to keep a log of everything that goes on. He'll contact us whenever, but I don't think it'll be for awhile. Also, we can't let the others know about the change. But in all honesty, I don't think we could keep it from them. I mean, Quatre's something of an empath, right? How are we supposed to keep this from him if he can tell without seeing, who each of us really is? Its not gonna work unless we don't go near them for awhile. And we if did have to see one or all of them, could you pull yourself off as me? I think I could keep up the brooding, glaring thing and fool them into thinking I'm you, but can you smile? Or chatter mindlessly? Or even laugh? There's no way you can pretend to be me without at least Quatre knowing. So where do you think we should go? We were doing pretty good where we were before this happened, but I was thinking that the most natural place for people to learn about who they are and how to act is a school somewhere. So let's try that. Capiche?"

He looked at me, staring right into my eyes, and I even I could tell that he was searching for something in them. /How well does he know his own face?/ I wondered, /Do my expressions in this body look anything like his would? Am I expressing anything, or is it like my normal face, an emotionless mask. I can't even tell! And I can't feel what he's seeing, so I really have no idea!/ I put up what I thought must be a small frown, and quietly nodded my head.

"Your, well _my_ face is just naturally expressive, Heero. And Yeah, I think I got your telepathy thing, 'cause I can hear and see and feel all this stuff I never have before, but I don't think I'm getting a lot of it. Like, I can receive it and all, but it doesn't make sense. You'll have to show me how to control it. Could you do that? Either way, let's get our skinny asses back to Earth and get into a school someplace, where we don't know anyone and won't be bothered. Then, maybe we can figure out what the hell we're gonna do. Like, I have to eat lots of junk food! And I'm willing to bet you don't want me to turn you into a whale, but I don't think you have the same metabolism as me, so it could happen. And do you have the slightest idea how to take care of my hair? If I end up with split ends, I swear I'll step on you with DeathScythe. We have a few hours to rest up before this shuttle lands, so let's make good on them and then start hunting for a school to settle into. Sound good? Great."

Duo settled back into the stiff airplane seat and closed his-my-eyes, slowing his breathing and quickly dropping off into what looked like sleep. Of course, without my sense, I had no idea whether or not he was really sleeping, but I accepted the front and turned to face the window at my left. I looked out of it, seeing the sphere of Earth, bright blue with swirls of white here and there, and thought of where we would go. I would like to stay somewhere in America, as I was getting to know the kind of people that lived there and I had to admit, they'd grown on me. I closed my eyes and settled back into the seat, trying to coax Duo's body to fall asleep, but it wouldn't. There was a subtle energy in him that just refused to quiet, like a child on a sugar rush. I wanted to at least sit still, but the hyperness demanded that I get up, talk, maybe go for a jog or something. I heaved a breath, noticing that Duo's lungs held more air than mine, giving him his ability to talk for long, unbroken periods, I supposed. I forced my new body to sit still and keep its eyes closed.

It wouldn't. I looked around, counted the overhead compartments on the shuttle, tapped my feet to various pointless beats, tried counting stars a few times but got lost when I was distracted by another passenger's movements out of the corner of my eye, and eventually just sighed in frustration and squeezed past Duo as I got up to go to the bathroom. I waited impatiently as another passenger finished and absently started counting how many people were on board as I did, crossing and uncrossing my arms a few times while I waited. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the little door slid open and a small woman brushed politely past me as she exited the room. I stepped in and listened avidly to the whir of well-oiled gears as the door slid shut and the lights came on. I stood, facing the door for a few minutes, trying to get an impression from someone on the shuttle, and finally turning to face my new reflection in dismay when I could not feel a thing. 

I forgot all about the gaping loss when I saw myself.

Duo's beautiful face stared back at me, but it was almost completely blank. I leaned close to the mirror, fixed on the elfin features that had become my own. Full, round cheeks, a wide mouth with thin, pale lips, a soft chin, and a perfect little upturned snub nose. Looking closer, I saw that his eyebrows were thinner than mine, and I noticed the way they arched subtly, giving them a delicate, but decidedly masculine look. My gaze eventually fell into my new eyes, and I was disappointed (but not terribly surprised) to find that where Duo's eyes had grinned and sparkled under his own command, they seemed to be almost dead, if slightly angry under mine. Their colour was still a deep blue that wasn't really blue at all, more like violet, but it wasn't that either. Duo's eyes had captured that instant between blue and violet which can be called indigo, but is really so much more. I felt almost ashamed to have stolen the manic, gleeful light from his eyes, but there wasn't really anything I could do to help it. 

I stared into my eyes for awhile, just thinking over all the different flashes of light that wouldn't be back until Duo returned, and then convinced myself that I would just have to live with it. I absently reached a hand up to brush the long chestnut bangs out of my face, when I realized that Duo's hair had become mine too, at least for a little while. I ran the hand backwards, over my head, and down to the base of Duo's cherished braid. It was so thick and silky, and Duo's callused hands were more sensitive than mine, so I could feel the tiny little hairs even better than the few times I had before, when I was in my own body. I picked up the end of the plait in my hands, stroking the absolutely undamaged strands in my fingers. Unconsciously, I pulled free the tie and began to undo the loose but secure weave, watching as the stuff shimmered silently in the artificial light. I raked my fingers gently through it, shaking my head as it came completely loose. The long chestnut satin fell across my back in thick waves, reaching down to my hips. I would have twirled around to watch it fly out, but I was interrupted by a concerned knock on the door. I froze, looking tensely at the closed door. How long had I been in here?

"Everything ok in there? You're holding up the line, hurry it up!" called an annoyed tone from the other side of the thin door. 

I turned back to the mirror to see an expression of open surprise on my face. I would have stared longer, but the urgency of the situation called to me. I wrapped the black scrunchie around my wrist and reached my hands back to braid up Duo's hair. I quickly realized there was no way I was going to be able to do it. Duo made it look so easy! How the hell did he do it?! I gave up trying and settled for pulling my fingers through the long mass to untangle it as I tossed it over my shoulders and pushed the button to open the door of the tiny room.

A long line of angry faces greeted me, and I caught a glimpse of how much closer the blue planet was from a shuttle window. I had been in that bathroom for a lot longer than I thought. I made my way past the glares, back to where Duo was sitting, looking back at the commotion with a small smirk that I never would have been able to coax from my lips. He didn't seem to have any difficulty manipulating my face. I brushed past him, sitting angrily down in my window seat and looking out at the approaching blue.  


  



	6. Essence; Ch.6

  
**Essence  
Part Six  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


I looked over at Heero as he glared angrily out at the stars. Long hair pooled around his shoulders and almost completely hid him from me, but I knew his expression wouldn't be a happy one. I swear I almost laughed out loud while I was listening to his hair dilemma in the shuttle bathroom, and the people standing in line thinking disgruntled thoughts didn't help me stay quiet a bit. So Heero had come back to our seats and given me the cold shoulder? /Well, that is _so_ not gonna work now!/ I thought gleefully as I tapped him and grinned into a pair of fierce indigo eyes. He brought a hand up and pushed the long bangs out of his face as he glared at me.

"What." He vocalized, but it was followed up with a nervous ramble of internal musings so that I barely heard the word. The strongest thing I was getting from him was a fear that I'd be mad at him for hurting my hair by taking it out of the braid. He was also wondering absently about how I could keep my hair so long without damaging it and further back in his mind he noted that he was hungry. I grinned wider, stretching the unfamiliar muscles in his face, and took a handful of long chestnut hair in my hand. I brought it to my face and pretended to carefully inspect the silky stuff. His mind flashed nervous apology as he turned away from me to think over the things warring in him. Heero did not understand how to keep my face neutral, so half of what he thought was plainly visible, but I had already come to rely on the new and powerful sense I had gained along with his form.

"Jesus Heero, don't be so grumpy! You didn't hurt my goddamned hair, alright? Sorry, I'm crabby. I think it comes with the territory. But you know what? I kinda like being you. Did the docs screw around with your strength or something, 'cause I swear I could bend steel, and it wouldn't be all that hard. This is pretty cool, you have to admit. I guess maybe not as cool for you though, stuck in my crap-ass wimpy bod and all. I'm sorry I'm not hating this as much as you are. You want me to braid that back up for you? I'll show you how, and you can help me to control this fuckin' sense, 'cause I am so lost you would not believe it. How's all that sound? Any ideas for where to go when we get of the shuttle?"

I gestured for Heero to turn his back to me as I started braiding the long hair that was now his. He radiated a little relief, but when I mentioned the strength thing he tensed up again. I think he was lookin' forward to getting into a school somewhere though, his demeanor lightened considerably at the mention of it.

"Yeah, they did some tweaking. I'll leave it at that."  
  
"I didn't mean to upset you"

"Doesn't matter, its done, I can't change it. Why bother?"

"Ohk. Well. Any ideas on where to go then?"

"Somewhere in America. I don't care much else where."

"Sure thing dude. You really are miserable, aren't you? I'm sorry, I can't help the way I was born, and my childhood didn't really help things either. I was an orphan, so I didn't exactly get three square meals a day and a warm bed at night. But like you said, whatch'ya gonna do? It was the only thing I could do. I had a friendbut he's gone now. I couldn't save him when plague hit L2, and he died. I still think about him sometimes"

I tied off the end of Heero's braid and sat back in my chair, biting my lip to keep from crying. Heero turned around to face me with an open expression of concern on his face and worry pouring out of him. I looked into his now-indigo eyes and pretty much lost it, thoughts of Solo flying through my head. It was almost as if I could feel him hovering around me, and that only made me sadder. I put a hand to my eyes to cover up the tears that were gonna show up any second, just because I didn't want Heero to see me cry, especially not in his body. Christ, that would be so pathetic!

But as I sat there thinking through the last moments of Solo's life and chewing my lip to shreds, I knew I was doomed to tears, and not just a few. It was all or nothing for me, and I was ready to turn the shuttle into Marineland. I felt hesitant fingers pull my hand away from my eyes and found myself once more looking into anxious purple-blue.

"You can't cry." Heero said in an even monotone. He had quickly learned how to control his new voice, although that was about it so far. His gestures were strange and shaky, and his thoughts were depressed, very lost feeling. 

"What? I don't really want to, but if I cry, I cry, ok soldier boy? Look, I'm sure your childhood sucked, but it doesn't mean mine was great, and I'm sad, alright? Don't you dare get up my ass and tell me if I can cry or not!" I glared at him angrily, And felt the tears come on stronger, but they still didn't spill. My eyes weren't even watery.

"You _can't_ cry. It isn't possible, Duo. Remember how I said the docs tweaked? Well, they didn't want their weapon crying, it was too weak and human, so I can't cry. And now you can't, because you're me."

"Oh," I said, and sniffled dejectedly. As embarrassing as it would be, I actually needed to cry every once in awhile, just to grieve. And the feeling that Solo was hovering over my shoulder wasn't helping in the least. "How do you eyes stay wet then?"

"Your friend, the one who died, what was his name?" Heero completely ignored my question, and an image of someonerather something flashed in his mind. 

"What?"

"What was his name?"

"SoloI really don't want to talk about him Heero, please."

"He has a message for you."

"What the fuck are you talking about? He's dead dumbass, as in no longer living? You understand that? Dead people don't talk."

"Well Solo did. He said that he loves you, and he's watching you. He had a funny accent, and said it makes him weak to talk to me, because he needs his strength to watch over you. The he went away. He knew my name" Heero trailed, and he matched up his words with images of Solo, my Solo, all grown up to fifteen or sixteen. I had had that dream many times, but it never stuck in my head. Now that I was conscious and I thought of it, I remembered dreaming about a Solo who looked like that.

I gasped and looked at him wide-eyed. Heero had talked to Solo? He knew what he looked like? "Heero, how do you know that? How do you know what he looks like? He died when he was young, there's no way you could know that, even if he did talk to you. What the fuck is going on with you?"

"I watched your dreams."

"You what? You fuckin snoop around in my head all day, and then watch what I _dream?_ Don't I deserve any privacy at all? You can't do that! Ok, rule here, first thing we do when we get back to Earth is have you teach me to control this, 'cause I am confused like you would not believe. Second, I kick your ass for meddlin' in my brain. You know you deserve it."

I set a grim scowl on my face and listened to what he thought about my reaction to his little confession. There was not much I could pick up.

"Are you hiding your thoughts from me? Heero! ARGhhhh! Jesus, you really know how to piss a guy off, ya know that? I-"

"Excuse me, sir? You're going to have to keep your voice down, the other passengers are complaining. Thank you." A stewardess had briefly placed her hand on my shoulder and interrupted whatever I had been planning to say to Heero, who was smirking at me darkly. I sighed and turned to her, trying to ignore the obtuse snicker from Heero's seat.

"Look lady, sorry I pissed you off, and I won't bug the other passengers, ok? How long before we get to Earth?" I noted how much more threatening my voice sonded, now that I had Heero's deeper, rougher tone, and was even sort of pleased. 

"The shuttle is scheduled to arrive in four hours and thirteen minutes. Everything is proceeding on schedule. I'm sorry sir, but you'll just have to be patient. Is there anything I can bring you to make your wait more enjoyable?" The stewardess, who was wearing this annoyingly starchy white skirt and uncomfortable looking black heels smiled at me and waited for my reply. I could feel her dripping impatience and aggravation, but her job forced her to be courteous. Heh, this could be fun I was struck with a silent plea from Heero to leave her alone, and I decided that just for the sake of everyone else on the shuttle that maybe I would. 

"No, I don't think you could bring me anything, thank you. But my friend here would like something maybe. I gestured to Heero, who ordered a glass of water and firmly shoed the stewardess away.

"Why didn't you get something to eat? Dude, I was tryin' to be nice, I know you're starving. You aren't used to it, but I eat _a lot._ You have to keep yourself fed all the time now. I'm a growing boy.

"You have any money? How were you planning on paying for whatever I ordered?"

I grinned sheepishly at him and settled back in my seat. Christ I was tired. Well, ok maybe not tired, just at peace. I didn't feel all hyper and fidgety, more like I could just nod off to sleep if I wanted to. Wow, this was gonna be better than I thought. I always figured that it was my personality that never let me sleep, but I guess it had something to do with my body too. Poor Heero, he seriously got a bad deal in this switch. I mean, I get his perfect body, and his cool telepathy, but he ended up with my stupid weak-ass bod and really long girl hair. /Jesus, if he wants to kill himself before this is over, I really don't blame him./ I was really starting to pity the guy.

A glass of water was placed easily on Heero's tray-table, and the pissy stewardess walked quickly away before I could even look at her. As before, she radiated annoyance, and I had to stop myself from tripping her in the aisle, just to make her mad. Heero sipped his water and looked at me. I could feel his eyes on me even though I was looking the other way. I turned around to face him, catching the unguarded expression on his face, which vanished as soon as he saw me.

"Hate my body yet?" I asked him out of pure curiosity after a few minutes of sitting, silently contemplating the subtle differences he brought to my face. Before he could vocalize a response, I knew that he was miserable. He kept unconsciously reaching out with his heart to feel various people around him, and it kept not working. He was really broke up over it.

"No. Its just different. Like being blind suddenly." 

"AndI know there's more," I pressed, "But you keep covering up your thoughts. Quit it. Its annoying." 

"I don't know how to _be._"  
  
"What do you mean you don't know 'how to be?' You mean like with people? How to act and stuff?"

"Yeah, but its other people too. I never learned about different expressions and gestures. I don't know what people are really saying to me when they speak. I can't even feel if they're telling the truth or not! Duo, I'm scaredyou know how hard that is to say, you can feel it, can't you? I'm really, really scared."

I sat back. Heero was openly admitting this? What the hell happened to him when we were getting switched? He was SCARED?!? /Jesus, this is so not right, more like ass-backwards. When did _I_ become the stable one?/ I could feel the blindness he was talking about practically wafting off of him now, and I did the only thing I could think of to do. I pulled up the little armrest separating us and wrapped my arms around him in a comforting hug, stroking the soft chestnut hair out of his eyes and pulling him close. 

"You're ok, Heero," I said quietly to him. I was surprised to find myself shoved away almost violently.

"Don't. I don't need pity Duo. Just stop it." He glared at me severely, wrestling my face into a horrible, malice-filled mask of anger. His hand was on my chest, holding me at arm's length. I hadn't even seen it coming. His entire being had been screaming for comfort! It was _still_ screaming for it! What the hell was wrong with him?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I tried to give Duo my very best glare, pushing him away from me. It was scary, he was so strong now! If he hadn't wanted to be moved, I never would have been able to do it, there was no way this new body could contend with my augmented strength.

"Don't. I don't need pity Duo. Just stop it."

"But-"

"No. Just let me be alone for awhile, ok?"

"Fine, but I want you to talk to me later, when you pull it together some more."

I glared at him for real this time, then turned in my seat so I was facing the tiny shuttle window. "I don't have a choice. But stay out of my head until we're on Earth. You can turn it down, like dimming lights. Just think about something else." I closed my eyes and urged Duo's hyper body to be tired. Fortunately it complied, and I drifted off into something like sleep, only more nervous and ready-for-anything.

~*~*~*~Earth~*~*~*~

Stepping off the shuttle into a brightly lit spaceport, I followed Duo's lead quietly as he lead us out of the massive complex to get a taxi. We took it straight to our current safehouse and Duo managed to talk us out of the small fair by charming the driver, which, I think, was more of a lucky break than anything else. I would have just taken off running and lost the taxi, but Duo insisted that we get out of it fairly, or send the money later. Personally I didn't care. I was feeling sick and hungry, and the cold was worse than ever. By the time we were inside, my teeth chattered audibly.

Duo picked the lock (our keys had not come with us to L1), using his lockpicks. He grumbled about how he would have to find a new place for them now that he didn't have long hair. I stayed silent, trying to ignore the hollow growls that were becoming louder by the minute. It hadn't been that long, but I desperately needed to eat something, or I feared I would pass out. This need for food would be a major setback on missions, I noted. Of course, there was nothing in the fridge, and we only had a few dollars in the room, so I didn't say anything about it. Curling up on my bed, I fell into a troubled slumber. There was no way to really sleep if I couldn't hear other people's thoughts and dreams, it was like a silence in my head. Didn't I have any of my own dreams? Sadly, I realized that the answer was a strong 'no.' I didn't count flickering memories of pain I 'd caused and received as dreams.

~*~*~*~

There was a light touch on my shoulder. I stirred into consciousness, reaching out with my heart to feel who was waking me. I felt nothing.

"Heero, get up." Who was talking? It sounded like my voicein my body. And me in his. No wonder I felt nothing with my sense; I didn't have it anymore. My stomach growled painfully, bringing me further into consciousness. 

"Duo? How long was I sleeping?" My head felt all groggy, and I was shivering, so I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes. I was lying on my bed, looking up at Duo, who hovered worriedly over me. He brought so much expression and life to the face that I had permanently doomed to expressionless control, I was almost jealous. I looked around the room, seeing nothing but plain off-white and old, ugly dressers. There was a small door, which I knew lead to the tiny excuse for a kitchen that came with the apartment. Beside that door, further down the wall, was another that connected to the bathroom. On one wall we had our only window, and adjacent to it was the door to the hallway. My bed was across from the window, and Duo's was under it. We each had a beat up old dresser and shared a desk. That was it for furnishings, not even a bedside table between the two of us. No closets, no lamps. It was one of the nicest, most comfortable places I had ever lived.

"You were only out for like fifteen minutes, but you started tossing and stuff, so I figured you were having a bad dream. And how come you won't stop shivering? Its not cold in here at all ya know. Wanna go get something to eat, I can hear your stomach, it sounds weird, lets go." He pulled me up by my arm, crunching my hand painfully in the process. I jerked it away from him, biting my lip to ignore the pain.

"Did I hurt you?" Duo asked emphatically.

"No." I lied.

"So that would be why you're rubbing your hand, right? And Heero, who was the little girl?"

"What girl?"

"The one in your dream."

I stopped and turned to him, trying to hide the pain from my eyes. A strange feeling came over me, like I was choking, or couldn't swallow. I bit my lip and hastily twisted away from Duo, who's steel blue eyes were boring into me with an intensity unmatched. What was this obstruction in my throat? My eyes were burningwhat was going on with Duo's body? Was something wrong? The picture of a cheerful little girl handing me a flower in complete innocence stuck stubbornly in my mind, refusing to go away. Why was this happening? Like a movie, I watched as she gave me the flower and I looked at it. I clearly saw myself thinking, confused, about why she was being nice to me. I watched as my imagination played the scene it had created and forced me to witness a thousand-fold; a picture of my hand touching hers briefly as I accepted the strange gift, then jerking forward and pulling her to the ground. I could hear her cry out, and her dog rushed to her side, yipping excitedly. The imagined me took out a gun and shot the little girl in the mouth, then grabbed her dog's leash and yanked, snapping the animal's neck effortlessly. I saw myself walk away from the pair, blood leaking into the grass from the shattered hole in the dead girl's skull. I watched with no expression on my face as I walked backwards, calmly placing the gun back in its holster and then turning my back on the shattered lives and thoughtlessly walking away.

A slap on my cheek brought me back to myself.

"Heero! Stop it. That never happened and you know it. Now come get something to eat with me before you faint dead away." Duo's tone, in my voice, was severe and angry. /I guess he doesn't approve of self-pity. I knew he wouldn't like me if he knew me/

I brought my hand up to the stinging welt on my cheek, and was surprised to findtears? /That's not possible! I can't cry! And even if I couldwhy would I? Soldiers don't cry, Heero, get a grip. You're loosing it. You'll get your sense back someday, and you should learn to live without it. Its become a weakness. How many times have you been taught not to rely on anything? You haven't learned yet, have you? Now stop it, and go eat something./ I hastily wiped the tears off of my face and glared at Duo when he offered me a Kleenex. I stood, still cold, but at least I'd stopped shivering.

"Do we have any money? I had a few dollars" I went to my dresser and found ten dollars in the sock drawer. "Lets go."

"Get a sweater."

"I don't need one."

"Dude, you've been shivering for hours, if you don't get one you're gonna freeze and get sickand can you play soldier if you're sick? I really doubt it." Duo went into his dresser and pulled out an oversized black hoodie that had a big pocket on the front. He handed it to me. "I know I'm not your mother, but just wear the fuckin think, ok? I don't want you getting my body all sick because you're not used to taking care of a normal form. You don't really get cold much, do you?"

"No. Fine. I'll let you teach me to care for this body, and I will help you learn to control that one." I pointed at his chest. "You are going to end up hurting somebody." My stomach growled interruption, so we walked out of the apartment, locking the door behind us and heading to the elevator. 

Outside of the building, Duo turned to me with an inquisitive look. "Whatch'ya wanna eat? Lessee, we've got Taco Bell, McDonald's, and some pizza place. The only one we can actually afford is McDonald's, I think. Let's go."

I looked at him, shocked. I couldn't hide it. "You're actually going to eat there?" 

"Uh, yeah, why not? Aren't you hungry?"

"Well yeah, butMcDonald's? Are you sure?"

"Don't worry, they use good quality Chinese tabloids, and very little cat meat. If you're hungry, there isn't much else you can find for cheap that'll fill you up. Trust me, I'll order. You'll be fine."

With a wary glare, I let Duo take the drooping sleeve of my hoodie and lead me three blocks down the street to the frightening place. Well, it was his body, if he wanted me to eat this stuff, I guess that was his choice.

~*~*~*~

After waiting at a sticky table for ten minutes, Duo came and sat down with a tray piled high with tiny little hamburgers and a massive soft drink. He took two burgers and pushed the rest of the tray in my face. I was disgusted to find my mouth watering with anticipation. How could anyone eat this stuff?

"Go on, eat as many as you want, you don't seem to get it. If you don't eat a lot, you'll be hungry again in an hour. You wouldn't believe how much I can eat without getting sick." He unwrapped his burger and ate it greedily. I watched. He ate the second. I watched and poked at my 'food,' trying to fight the hunger that had nearly overwhelmed me by this point. Finally I opened one and ate.

An entire tray of burgers later I was sipping the drink and wondering if there was more. I had never, in my entire life, eaten so much at one sitting. I don't think I'd ever eaten so much I one _day!_ Duo laughed at me and dragged me back to the apartment.

"Alrighty then, lets start lookin' into schools for us. How about we try for something where we can live on campus, 'cause I don't think we could do it from here, there aren't any schools in the area. I don't have a car or a license, you? Didn't think so. Ookee, how about this one?" He pointed to a school that was fairly close to this city on the list of possibilities we'd compiled on my laptop. I really didn't care, so I agreed. We emailed the school, enrolled, picked our classes and started packing out few belongings. 

Tomorrow we would start our very first day at the St. James' Secondary Academy.   


  



	7. Essence; Ch.7

  
**Essence  
Part Seven  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


I glanced over at Heero as we trekked along the quaint little walkway that lead to our school. He had a distinct, unhappy frown on his face and he kept looking across the long play of lawn that yawned down a gentle slope to the road where we'd been dropped off at. I fuckin' swear, this 'quaint little path' musta been four kilometers long! What, they don't want all the nice children to ever make it back to real civilization? Jesus, you'd think they'd at least send us a butler or whatever to get the bags, they weighed a ton!

Ok, so maybe I was just a tad grumpy as we scuttled up the hill, but seriously, can you blame me? I meanschool? I thought I was occupied enough without actually having to go to school, but no, I had to go and get my ass twisted up in this dumb idea of school. Stupid school

Anyway, Heero was way more depressed than me, and it didn't help that I actually _had_ hurt his hand when I'd pulled him off the bed the day before. It wasn't broken, but something was unhappily protesting my grip on it by swelling up painfully. Poor dude, and he'd been sick from eating so many burgers too. The funny part is that he was still hungry later, even after eating himself nauseous. He'd looked at me like 'you inhuman bottomless pit, how am I ever gonna keep this stupid body fed?' and then decided to have a snack. It was seriously amusing. 

After I stopped giggling over the food thing, Heero had insisted we plan a 'routine' for learning about each other's abilities and strengths. He was convinced I didn't have any. I know this, because of the god-damned telepathy or whatever it is. Figures it would only get stronger with time. I find that the comfortable silence I like to keep in my head is gone, replaced by this loud-ass jumble of shit that just seeps in from everyone around me. 

The most disturbing thing was Solo. After Heero told me about what my dead friend said to him, I swore I could 'feel' him hovering around me almost all the time. I wondered if he'd ever talk to me. Actually, I was upset that he hadn't. If he'd spoken to Heero, why wouldn't he want to talk to me? I still loved him, even though he'd been dead for almost ten years, and I desperately wanted to hear him, feel him. He did hover around me, but he had a tendency to focus on Heero. Ok, so I was kind of jealous, but it was more than that. Did Solo not feel close to me anymore? Didn't he still love me? I found myself reaching out and trying to communicate with him, but he would mostly just pulse warmly at me, then evaporate. It was driving me in horrible, frustrated circles, and I didn't know what to do. Aside from Solo, there were really strong impressions from Heero (figures) and occasionally someone'd walk by me or whatever and I swear I could read their every thought and feeling. Very strange.

Yeah, so not like I was going off on a tangent there or anything, but Heero and I were walking up the endless pathway, when we finally reached the school. It was this big old building, but looked pretty nice, like they'd kept it up for its whole life span. Some old dude who appeared to be the principle was standing there waiting for us. It occurred to me that Heero and I hadn't decided who was gonna be who, as in would the kids here at the new school call me Heero or Duo? Should we make up names? Arrghh! How could we forget something like that? I quickly turned to Heero and whispered in his ear.

"I'll be Duo, ok? Just keep your own name, its not like it matters unless we find people we know. We don't know people, so it doesn't matter. I like my name, and I don't want people calling me 'Heero.' Besides, I like watching how much it annoys you when people say Heerow 'cause they can't pronounce it the right way. It brings me great joy and stuff. You want me to carry that?" I reached out my hand so he could give me his heavy bag; he seemed to be having trouble with it.

"I can handle it Duo."

I knew he was lying, the weight of the bag was seriously too much for him as he was, limited to using one hand and all, but there was a nasty stubbornness in his voice and mindset that told me to just back the fuck off, so I did. I was too grumpy to be bothersome anyway. We reached the old dude, who had a full head of thick steel hair cropped short all over and combed back neatly. He was wearing a dark blue pair of dress slacks and a light blue shirt with long sleeves. A dark silk tie hung down his chest. He smiled at us as we approached and I could hear him groan mentally.

I sauntered forward, giving a faint smile and trying not to do anything that would set me out in his mind. I think it worked, his thoughts barely flickered over me, rather they were concentrated on Heero. He had chosen to wear his-my-hair down, so it swept luxuriously around his waist and spread in the airy breeze. We didn't have school uniforms yet (duh) so he had on a pair of faded jeans and a black T-shirt with 'I am God' scrawled across it in scratchy letters. Ok, lemme explain the shirt thing. Heero is normally taller than me, and the only clothes he owned were stupid shorts and tank tops and one pair of jeans. I had lots of clothes, but he refused to wear the priest stuff, and all my other tops were either the button down Hawaiian variety or had profanity on them. So he was stuck with that one, 'cause I wouldn't wear a green tank top and he only had one other shirt that wasn't a fuckin' tank top. I had on his jeans and that one shirt, just a plain black tee. Gee, is it just me or was that really confusing?

So, I think the point of all that was Heero looked really strange, with his long hair and rebellious message and whatnot. The pissed off scowl he'd so easily perfected after such a short time was also present, and his appearance literally screamed 'THIS FUCKIN SUCKS!' His thoughts weren't much different. 

The principal frowned at Heero and coaxed a smile back onto his face before greeting us. 

"Good morning, I'm Mr. Jackson, principal here at the St. James' Secondary Academy, welcome." He held out a hand to me as his mind whispered caution of Heero. I almost giggled as I took the offered hand. It occurred to me that Heero's Japanese name would not match up with my body and vice versa, but I brushed that out of my head; people's names and cultures were so mixed up now that it didn't really matter.

"Duo Maxwell, Hi!" I shook the pro-offered hand enthusiastically and stepped just a little back so Heero could follow my lead. He looked into Mr. Jackson's eyes and quietly muttered his name, then stepped back to hover just behind me. His mind was angry and confused that he couldn't even get a first impression from the man, much less read what he thought of us. I wanted to somehow send him comfort, but we were quickly ushered into the school. I chuckled to myself over the old dude's reaction to Heero's voice. With all that hair, I completely understood how easily people would mistake him for a girl, and how funny it was when they realized he wasn't.

We were brought to the 'Office,' where an attractive young woman helped us to get organized. She told us that there just happened to be a few choices as far as dorms were concerned, and that we could choose to room separately or together. Heero quickly swatted my hand away from the little checklist of available rooms she'd offered, taking the pen from my fingers with graceful ease and checking off one of the two double dorms. I had been about to pick a nice single for myself, thoughts of pleasant quiet and pleasant, peaceful aloneness running through my mind, when Heero just up and decided we'd room together. I glared briefly at him, but caught his silent plea for company. I think he was actually sending me the thought, because he looked directly at me with a question burning just under his eyes. I slowly nodded and thoughtlessly handed our selection back to the chick, who was watching our intense little wordless discussion with avid interest.

After another period of silence, she coughed and shifted in her chair, breaking the stretch of quiet study. "Alright Heero, Duo. I'll call one of our other students to take you to your room and get you settled in. If you'd just wait in the chairs outside the office, someone will get you shortly." With that polite dismissal, the pretty chick returned to whatever else she had to do and Heero followed me out to the hall.

~*~*~*~

"So what's up with you dude? I get that you're grumpy and all, but seriously, you're acting weird. And why the double room? I'dda thought that you, of all people, would want your own room." I sprawled in one of the chairs, tossing my bag down at my feet. Ok, maybe it wasn't a toss, more like I set it a gently as I could so that no guns would fire or anything, but I wasn't really paying attention to that. Heero was being weird. He put his bag on the chair beside me and stayed standing.  
  
"We should stay together," he commented quietly, shifting from one foot to the other and looking around, over his shoulder, into the office, and finally at me. I caught myself wondering if the pretty indigo gleam of his eyes was attractive or not. Did he change the way I looked enough so that people would see that it was not me? I thought so. He actually looked really good, especially with the long, shimmery hair falling softly around his torso. I didn't feel like I was looking at myself anymore. My hair seemed lighter when it was unbound, more blond than brunette, but it was dark enough to contrast with the pale skin I had so hated when I was in my own form. Now it just looked creamy and fey, lending depth and sparkle to Heero's eyes.

/Jesus, I'm admiring my own body, what a fuckin' egomaniac. Just stop it Duo, shut up./ I grinned at Heero and he just kept staring at me, putting out impressions of feeling small and helpless and confused. I didn't even need to talk to him, I already knew that he was disturbed and upset. But I didn't get the double dorm thing.

"We'd be together even if we were in different rooms. What's the real reason?" I pressed.

"Its too quiet now."

"What? Wouldn't you _like_ some quiet?"

"Hn."

"Seriously Heero, I can feel that you're upset, but I don't know why. Its more than the school, even more than your missing sense. What is really wrong with you?"

A thousand different thoughts went through his head, but they were quiet, too small to pick up. He finally just frowned at me and said nothing. He turned around and waited, masking his thoughts almost completely from me. 

It was INFURIATING!! He just completely shut me out and tuned me away like he'd slammed an iron door in my face! I folded my arms over my chest and chewed on my lip, trying very hard not to get up and hit him. I would have done it if I were in my real body, but now I was stronger and I'd already hurt him by accident, I didn't want to do any real damage. Have you ever had to _really_ try not to hit someone? It sucks, 'cause its nearly impossible. I was twitching I wanted to do it so badly.

After a few minutes of silence, there was a sudden, surprised squeak and I heard the sound of feet rushing forward. I schooled my face into a small smile of pleasant greeting and looked at whoever was coming.

"HEERO! I can't believe you're here!" Relena Peacecraft, of all people, was practically flying at me, her arms reaching forward and her breasts bouncing along merrily as she went. She wore a school uniform (blue-gray skirt and blazer with a white, button-up shirt beneath it), but she'd spiced it up a little by adding PINK nylons and chunky black shoes. Her hair was tied up in a sporty-looking ponytail, high on the back of her head with a pink scrunchie, and I could see a silver Hello Kitty watch jangling on her wrist. 

My eyes widened in surprise and the smile dropped away from my face as I quickly pushed it into what I hoped was a stoic glare. I stood, just because it was the right thing to do, and she slammed into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her head and breasts into my chest. I didn't exactly know how to react, so I just kinda stood there, hoping she'd eventually let go. 

Surprisingly her embrace was brief, and she released me quickly, shock emanating from her mind. She was astonished at her own forwardness, actually, and stepped back to a more comfortable distance after only a moment. I picked up my bag and looked over to Heero, who was staring at me with worry plain on his face. He didn't know what I was going to say or do in Relena's presence, but he was very, very worried about it. 

"Relena." I said in a polite voice that merely acknowledged her, it wasn't angry or annoyed, more like neutral.

Her eyes widened, and I could feel a spike of tense anxiety from Heero, as she looked at me closely, then smiled. "Uhh, I guess I'll show you where your room is and stuff," she said finally, not trying to grab onto me or anything, just turning around and looking back to see if we were following. "This is a really nice school, I'm staying here to get out of Sank and mostly 'cause I want to be away from politics for awhile. The people are nice too, very friendly and smart. Hope you'll like it." There was something she wasn't saying, but I didn't really want to press her for information at the moment, this was the first time I'd had to really interact with Relena, and all I knew about her was that she liked Heero and peace and politics. It still ate at me, as we walked down the hall, that she was keeping something from us, but I really couldn't tell what. He mind was all over the place, and it was nearly impossible to pick up anything from her in the crazy jumble. What in the hell was she hiding? 

"Here we are, room 213." She said in a cheerful tone, smiling blankly at me. It had only taken a few minutes to get here, but I was wound up from being around her already. "My room is just below this one, all the classes are upstairs on the third floor and in the other building. Breakfast is from seven-thirty to eight and classes start at eight-thirty. Dinner is at six, and lights are out at ten-thirty. You actually get a room key for each of you, so you can lock the door whenever you want, but the staff has a key too, and they're aloud in whenever. They never come to your room unless you're new or in trouble though. Hmmm, what elseoh. The showers are communal, they're at the end of the hall, and the caf is right above the office. All the guys dorms are on this floor, and the girls are on the first floor. And duh, its Saturday, so there aren't any classes today or tomorrow. Anything else?"

"Where are our keys?" Heero asked quietly, sending off waves of nervousness. He was noticing the strange way Relena was acting, very bubbly and not at all clingy. It was getting to him, making him more uncomfortable than it would have if she were hanging off my arm and talking solely to me. 

Relena turned around and looked at him, then smiled sheepishly. "Oops. At the office. Want me to go get them? I'll be right back." She started to go, but he caught her arm and stopped her.

"I'll go."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I let go of Relena's arm and whirled around, walking back down the hall. I went down the stairs she'd taken us up, backtracking her original route to get to the office. Relief flooded me, and I actually stopped to stand in the cool stairwell, shivering. I was cold, but on the inside. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished that I could stop feeling alone and empty, even if it was only for a second. It wasn't really Relena, she'd just topped everything off, the icing on the cake. And she hadn't even done anything! I didn't know what was wrong, why I had wanted a double dorm, why I felt like I was watching the world fly past me from the confines of a dark cave, or even why I had wanted my hair loose today. 

I slid down, pressing my back to the plain white wall and crouching on my heels. I put my face into my hands, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. Soft hair curtained over the backs of my palms, feeling light and airy against the cold skin. I could feel the beginning of tears, and I bit my lip to stop them, holding on to the small pain and forcing myself to concentrate on it. Frowning, I told myself not to cry and reached out with my sore heart to find some comfort. Of course, nothing came, and of course, the lump in my throat only got bigger.

~~Heero, you're ok, you're alright. Don't cryplease?~~

Looking up in surprise and fear, I couldn't see anyone around, but I knew I'd heard a voice. Who was talking? I listened, but heard nothing. Then I felt a sweep of warmth in my chest. It wasn't coming from around me, it was _in_ me. Soothing my insides and rubbing away the fearful cold, smiling sunnily at my heart. 

/What the hell?/

~~You're ok, Heero. Please don't be sad ny'more, don't be cold. I'm here~~

"Solo?" I said quietly, noticing how alien my voice sounded out loud compared to the gentle tone that was coming into my head.

~~I'm here~~ His warm touch pulsed tenderly along with his words.

/How are you doing this?/

~~I don't know. I can't stay longTalk to Duo, he wants to listen to you.~~

/Shouldn't you be talking to him? I don't even know you./

~~Duo doesn't need me. He and I died a long time ago, even if he doesn't think so. I do love'im, but I'm here for you, not him. I gotta go now, don't be sad ny'more, ok? Its gettin' easier to talk to you, but 'm tired. You don't need your sense to hear me, feel me. That was just what helped me find you. I'll be watching out for you, just try to be ok.~~

Solo's presence evaporated and I was alone again.

I sucked in a cold breath and got up, thankful that I was able to push the tears back. I still had some control, at least. I gave myself a minute to breathe, remembering the warmth of Solo's ghostly touch only seconds before, then went back to the office and got the keys without incident.

~*~*~*~

Relena was gone when I got back to the dorm and Duo was already inside, putting his stuff away and looking around the room. He opened the door before I had a chance to get the key in the lock and glared at me angrily. 

"What the hell happened!?" he growled, taking my wrist and pulling me into the room as he firmly shut the door behind him. He twisted the lock and turned to me, eyes flashing.

I looked at him, confused, and told myself to just stay calm, that whatever had him so angry could be explained. I absently rubbed my wrist and asked him what he was talking about.

"What happened in the stairwell? I could feelyou know what I felt." He looked at me, and the anger slowly drained out of his eyes, leaving him looking old and sad, nothing more. He closed them and swallowed carefully, then turned around and went to lay on one of the beds, throwing an arm over his eyes. Messy dark brown hair fell away from his face, exposing a smooth bit of forehead. He sighed and rolled over on his side to face the wall.

I looked at him, letting the surprise show clearly on my face, then went over to where he lay and sat down carefully. I didn't really have anything in my mind to say, so I just sat for a bit, thinking over what had happened, knowing that he was reading the little thought-film as I made it. I brought my mind back to Relena and how strangely uninterested in him she had seemed, mulling over what she'd said and not coming to any conclusions. 

I finally decided that he wasn't going to talk and went to unpack my bag. I was cold again, not to the point that my teeth chattered, but nearly. And hungry too, which was a bad combination. I took off the jeans and changed into a pair of Duo's sweatpants, which would never have fit me in my normal form. They were just plain gray, but very comfortable and fuzzy on the inside, so I instantly felt warmer. Fishing through the worn duffel I'd stuffed all my things plus most of Duo's clothes into, I retrieved the black hoodie he'd told me to wear the day before and gratefully shrugged it on. I found the dresser that wasn't already filled with things and put the rest of my stuff in it. My laptop I placed in the desk drawer.

I was tense. I was upset and confused and tense, and I knew I should find something to calm me down. Of course, listening to people think for awhile was no longer an option, and Duo didn't seem in the mood to talk, so I pulled the duffel onto my bed and carefully drew out my favorite handgun. I emptied out the ammo and started oiling it reverently, stroking the cool metal with my fingers and then rubbing away the prints gently. I spent a very long time doing this, drawing the cloth over every part of the piece several times before I decided it was clean and in perfect working order. I re-loaded it and set it under my pillow, careful to leave the safety on. I pulled a second weapon from the bag and did the same to this one. It took me longer, because I didn't normally pay so much attention to this particular gun, and it hadn't been oiled recently. I normally didn't take this much time out to get myself calm and collected. I normally didn't sit for very long at all, just doing some simple, mindless task. 

I was finally getting settled down, when a knock at the door startled me out of my trance-like state and destroyed the time I'd spent getting there. I quickly shoved the gun into the bag and pushed the bag under my bed, then pulled to comforter over the other things I had strewn on the bed, namely the explosive-tip bullets. It probably wasn't a terribly brilliant idea to just leave them there, but I didn't have a choice.

I realized in the back of my head how strange I looked with a giant black hoodie and baggy gray sweat pants to go along with the unnaturally long hair and bare feet, but I didn't think much of it as I opened the door. Mr. Jackson stood there, looking very neutral. His expression darkened some when he saw me, and he stepped boldly into the room without invitation.

"Afternoon, Heero," he said tonelessly as he looked around. His eyes fell on Duo, who I knew couldn't possibly be asleep for real. They lingered there for a moment, then turned back to me. "Everything going alright? You start classes on Monday, I expect to see you there. Here is a list of your courses and the room number for each. Duo's courses are on the second paper. Lights out is ten-thirty, eleven on Fridays and Saturdays. Tomorrow you can sleep in, but I expect you to be sharp on Monday morning. Understood?"

I nodded, wondering why this man seemed to despise me, when he hadn't even known me for more than a few hours. He moved around the room in a slow circle as he spoke, and finally lighted on my bed, seating himself inches from where the bullets lay, and less than three feet from the gun under my pillow. I forced myself not to look at the place that made me so nervous, and looked instead at the floor, then into Mr. Jackson's face. If you looked people in the face when you spoke, they were more likely to believe that you were being honest and open with them, but I don't think he bought it. 

"Was there something else, sir?" I said quietly, trying to indicate confusion. Why was he sitting on my bed?

Jackson looked over to where Duo 'slept' and let a distinct frown show on his face. He placed his palms on the bed, making me nearly twitch with anxiety. If he felt anything He drew his feet in so that they were just a little under the bed, nearly touching the duffel that held the gun I'd been polishing, as well as a few other very illegal, dangerous things. I waited for him to say somethinganything. He was looking at me now, running his eyes over my hair and face, and down to my feet, which scrunched reflexively into the carpet.

"You a fag, Heero?" Jackson said suddenly, looking me straight in the eyes with no expression.

"What?" I asked, purely surprised by his question and the scorn beneath it. Yeah, I was gay, but I really didn't like the way he was asking me about it. 

He looked at me, his face a mask of nothing and his eyes as steely as his hair. "What, you mute? Answer me."

I really didn't know what to say. Obviously this man was not fond of gays, and he had a pretty good idea that I was exactly that. He would not like it if I lied to him, but he would really harass me, and more important, remember me, if he knew for sure that I was.

"I think its time for you to leave, Mr. Jackson. Thank you for my course sheets, I'll be in class, eight-thirty Monday morning. Goodbye, sir." I stood and ushered him out the door, shutting and locking it the second he was through. I pulled the blanket off my bed and the duffel out from under it, re-loading the second gun and stuffing it back into the bag, which I put back under my bed as a temporary hiding place. I'd find a better, more secure stash later, but for now all I could bring myself to do was curl up under he covers and try to sleep away the confusion and anger in my head and heart.

~*~*~*~

"Heero? Wake up, I'm sorry." 

I opened my eyes to see Duo sitting on the edge of my bed with a hand on my chest and a worried frown on his lips. He absently pushed messy brown locks out of his eyes, blinking down at me as he waited for me to wake up. The hand on my chest was gentle, just barely pressing; a comforting touch.

I set my face to 'stoic' and blinked back at him, trying to wake up. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"Yeah I did. I was an asshole to you when you came in, and then I just let that fucker push you around, when you knew damnwell that I was awake. I shouldda at least got up and backed you, I mean If he's gonna beat on you for your sexual orientation, he could at least beat on me, too. I'm just a gay as you are, and you know it. Why the fuck should he care anyway? Can't we sue him for that or something? FUCK! I fuckin HATE people like that! Makes me wanna step on him with Deathscythe." Duo's hand on my chest turned into a fist as he scraped it shut none-too-gently. He looked down at what he was doing when I drew in a sharp breath, and the hand was immediately gone. "Jesus Heero, I'm sorryagain. I can't seem to control this strength, and I keep hurting you! Lemme see your wrist, the one I grabbed before."

"I'm fine."

"Right. Just lemme see it."

I drew my arm out from under the blanket and let him pull back the excessive black sleeve that covered it. There was a nasty blue-purple bruise all the way around it, like a pain bracelet in the shape of a handprint. He bit his lip and very gently took my arm in his warm hands. I tried not to wince at the flash of hurt that his timid poke at the wound made, and was successful, to a degree. I was studying his face, wondering if I was still attracted to him. I never really thought about what my own body looked like before I saw Duo in it, but I had to admit that it wasn't all bad. I actually had a nice smile, and I thought that my eyes were kind of pretty, too. Duo brought a whole new light to them, and I told myself that it was his magic that made things worth looking at.

I pulled my arm gently back to me and sat up, looking him in the eyes the whole time. I know he knew what I was going to do, but he let me take his lips to mine without protest. I wrapped one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, feeling him respond with two arms around my waist. I leaned close so that out chests were pressing together and brought my lips up to meet his, loving the heat that came off his body and actually savoring his smell. It had been different to me when it was my body, but now Duo's masculine, exotic scent filled my nostrils and went straight to my pants. Pheromones

Our lips crushed together, and he opened his mouth to invite my tongue in without me even pressing entrance. I plunged into the familiar taste of that mouth, bringing my arm off his shoulders and pushing my fingers deeply into the short hair at the back of his neck. It was new, but comforting at the same time. I didn't even know why I was kissing him, I just wanted to. Partially to prove that I wasn't really hurt by Jackson's remarks, and partially because it occurred to me that I had never just kissed Duo because I wanted to let him know he was appreciated before. I wanted to show him that he hadn't hurt me or scared me with his newfound, awkward strength.  
  
He pressed his chest into mine more firmly and pushed his tongue into my mouth. I accepted it hungrily, sucking on it and letting him push me back onto the bed. My hair was spread all around, and he fisted some of it as one of his hands began to drag down the side of my body, but it did not venture further.

He finally broke the kiss for air, and I sucked the precious gas into my lungs with greedy need. I closed my eyes and let him lay down beside me, draping an arm bonelessly over my stomach.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, the deep tone of his voice purring into my ear.

"I guess so, lets just lay here for awhile, I'm not cold anymore."

"Ok. Heero?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you talk to me later?"

"Hnok." I replied quietly, letting myself drift in comfortable warmth for the first time since this had happened.  


  



	8. Essence; Ch.8

  
**Essence  
Part Eight  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


I lay on the bed with Heero for a little while, not really thinking about anything in particular. His thoughts calmed me considerably and lulled me into a comfortable state of nothingness. I hadn't even realized quite how miserable he was until the sense of it was gone; misery had always been such a general thing for him. At least for the time being, I was happy to lay in his bed with him and absorb the contented musings he radiated. But it figures that the happiness would only last so long, I mean, how often is it that things that are good stretch on for any length of time? Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

There was a knock at the door not fifteen minutes after I'd started to feel peaceful. And of all the people who could possibly have such bad timing, It was Relena's distinct thoughts I could feel driving my small happiness away as she knocked. Instead of the chipper, knowledgeable guide who'd escorted me here, however, I caught a stoic neutralness from her that was disturbing. More like fuckin weird.

Heero had fallen sleep, and waking him was the last thing I wanted to do. Even if he _was_ having a nightmare, I didn't think it would be fair to drag his tired ass back to the land of the living unless I had to. Plus it would already be hard enough to pretend to be him, I didn't need the real him breathing down my neck, watching my bad acting. If I felt anything overly disturbing coming off of him, I would get him up. 

I licked my lips and scrubbed at my face with my hands, then pulled back the blanket and went to open the door.

"Heero." Relena said in a quiet, toneless voice as I stepped back so she could come in. she still had the strange pink nylons on, but her hair was down and dark red lipstick was applied perfectly to her lips. It didn't really match the blue of her eyes and clashed horribly with the nylons, but gave her a distant, strong look that was at once intimidating and inviting. 

I tried to glare and hoped that my startled expression didn't show too badly as she barely bat an eyelash at me and stepped boldly into the room. She immediately went over to where Heero was sleeping soundly, and was about to shake him awake when I grabbed her arm impulsively and stopped her. The cold expression she gave me was chilling, like there was nobody home upstairs. I reached out with my sense and tried to see what was going on in her head. Nothing but a few simple, calculated thoughts, and that was it. Dammit! She was hiding her thoughts from me! Bitch

"What are you doing here Relena." I said as emotionlessly as possible.

Smiling sweetly, the coldness fell away from her, but it didn't leave her eyesshe looked like a robot, almost grinning at me. "Mr. Jackson wants to see _Heero_ for a few minutes_Duo,_ so he sent me to get him. You just stay here, we'll be back in a little bit. Relena pressed her lips together, evening the crimson colour. She tapped on Heero's shoulder. Even through the sweatshirt and comforter, he jerked awake, eyes wide and empty. Long hair fell over his face and gave him a decidedly tousled appearance that matched the rest of his haphazard look.

After looking around and getting his breath under control, I could feel recognition of where he was hit him, along with Relena. She jabbed him in the shoulder none-too-gently and glared down at his face. He looked mildly confused for a second before his own glare came through. Defiance flashed in his eyes, but he quickly grew nervous. He had no idea how to be me.

I went over to Relena, stood right behind her. Heero was normally taller than her by a couple inches, so I could see the top of her head. Clean blond hair circled her shoulders and whooshed out in a pretty halo when she turned to face me, her whole demeanor defiant and downright snotty. Bitch. Her thoughts were still blocked off from me for some reason, but I could clearly catch that she felt she had something over me. Over us. Our names; she thought she was smart because she knew who we really were.

That seriously pissed me off, even if she was wrong. Since when do snobby, short blond chicks with lots of money think they can intimidate _me?_ I had to stop myself from punching her as tension built in the room. She let another one of her small, taunting smiles grace her full scarlet lips and she turned back to Heero, grabbing his hand and jerking him to his feet. He yanked his hand back from her and rage swept off of him in a thick wave. He didn't like the situation at all. That principle had really put him off, and he wasn't looking forward to seeing the guy again. What reason did he have to go there anyway? Poor bastard, figures he'd be getting unwanted attention now that he was lost in someone else's body and didn't know how to act.

"What do you want Relena?" he asked suspiciously, a shiver going through him as the perpetual cold set back in. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him he was alright, but Relena grabbed his elbow and started pulling him to the door. 

"Mr. Jackson wants to see you, _Heero,_ and you'd better not keep him waiting, he gives out detentions, and isn't a very nice man sometimes. Put some shoes on." She eyed his feet and crossed her arms impatiently.

Heero went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans, slipping off the baggy sweats and pulling on the coarse denim pants. He got a pair of socks and my running shoes, easily sliding his feet in without undoing the laces. I had learned quickly after gaining his form that not everyone can do that. There is no way that his usual feet would just slide in, and I was ready to replace his stupid ochre shoes with flip-flops the next chance I got, because it was pissing me off so much. He pulled off the heavy sweatshirt to reveal the infamous 'I Am God' tee. Lastly, he took my brush off his dresser and tried to run it through his hair a few times before Relena grew impatient and sighed angrily.

"Quit worrying about how you look, it doesn't matter, let's just go." She opened the door and waited for him to get out of the room. When he was waiting for her in the hall, glaring for all he was worth, she turned to me and smiled shyly. "Give us two hours, I don't know what Mr. Jackson wants, but he always takes a very long time when he's doing something with a student." She tossed her head curtly, sent the blond locks flying in a healthy little circle, and shut the door with a 'click.'

/Well./ I thought to myself, /Wasn't that just fuckin strange. I swear she's got problems/ I muttered about Relena's wierdness under my breath as I picked up the clothes off the floor and tried to think of something to do with myself for two hours. I was folding the sweatpants, absently trying to tug the eternal wrinkles out of them, when there was a tearing sound. I looked down at the fabric in my hands and growled in frustration. How, HOW had I managed to tear them in half? I wasn't even trying to! /This is ridiculous,/ I thought wearily, and sat on the bed, careful not to break anything. It was hot in the room, I was pissed off about Relena being such a nice person one second, and a snotty whore the next, and I was sick of destroying things with this fucking super-strength!

I growled in frustration for probably the thirtieth time that day and stood up. I realized I was clenching and unclenching my fists, exactly as Heero would do when he was pissed and ready to kill something. Forcing myself to stop it, I took some clean underwear and a stupid fucking green tank top and hauled my ass off to the showers. Have I mentioned Heero's really twisted taste in underwear yet? Ok, get this. Every single pair of underwear he owns is some kind of little boy briefs with a superhero on the ass. I swear, I'm not kidding. They are all trimmed in colour, with superheroes on the ass. When I noticed this the first time I had to pee in his body, I laughed s hard I would have cried, except this body can't cry, so I settled for collapsing on the bed in a fit of giggles until I couldn't move anymore.

The ones I had happened to yank out of the dresser were my all-time favorites to far. They were trimmed in a rusty orange and had the original Wolverine on them, striking a fearsome pose like he was gonna leap off whoever's ass and attack you. It was too funny.

I locked the door and scuttled off down the hallway, wondering where the showers were. Aha! They were at the end of the hall!! I found the shower room and helped myself o some fluffy white towels and a matching washcloth. There were only a few other people in the room, which made me relatively happy. I hate communal shower rooms, cause guys have this tendency to either tease me about my hair or try and share a shower with me, and that is seriously annoying, not to mention freaky. I don't know about most people, but I'm not into guys I don't know touching me and shit. Ew. 

But then again, I was in Heero's body now, and seeing as he was practically the picture of masculinity, I didn't think anyone would have bugged me; the whole glare thing keeps them away. I tossed my clothes into a cubby and found a shower head to stand under. I turned the little metal knob to hot. It squeaked angrily, but moved when I forced it. Hah, being unnaturally strong has its advantages. Of course, there is always that problem of me destroying things, I pulled on the knob, and it didn't budge. I pulled harder, actually using a bit of muscle, and the stupid the came off the wall in my hand! Gah! I looked embarrassed and set the knob on the ground, the went to the shower beside the one I'd broken. Fortunately this one worked just fine, and I had no trouble finding a perfect temperature.

In my normal body, I like the water really hot, like scalding. That was the 'perfect temperature' I had in mind, but when I stepped under it, my eyes went wide and I hopped quickly away, nursing my burned skin and glaring maliciously at the scalding spray.

"Damnit! That is fuckin hot!" I exclaimed, and steered around the water to the controls, cranking the knob over to cold. Now I had a temperature that I would have turned blue from in my old bod, but it felt just right to me in this one. Finally! I stepped under the frigid spray and sighed happily from how good it felt. I washed myself, my hair (which was _so_ pitifully easy, by the way, especially when compared to what I was used to working with), brushed my teeth, and then turned off the water. Yup, I like to brush my teeth in the shower. I know, strange, but it works, try it! 

Oh, and that brings me to how hard it is to brush teeth you aren't used to. Jesus, the first time I tried it I actually hurt myself! It never occurred to me that people's mouths can so different, but they are. Heero's mouth is smaller than mine, his actual teeth are finer and perfectly straight, and his tongue is shaped different. I was still getting used to that whole tongue thing. The idea that I was in his mouth all the time and I could make his tongue do whatever I wanted made me cackle happily on the inside, and I had already spent like an hour just running my new tongue all around my mouth, getting a feel for the changes. Weird, seriously.

Ever catch yourself makin faces in the mirror? Well, there was lots of that too. I had the power to force 'Heero' to smile and laugh and do whatever I wanted, and this was all very entertaining to myself and the mirror. We had a riot.

I dried myself off and put on the Wolverine underwear and the evil top, then pulled on the same jeans I had been wearing before my shower. I had to go shopping soon, I wasn't interested in wearing the same jeans all the time, but I still couldn't make myself even think of putting on those godawful Spandex shorts. Whatever possessed Heero to start wearing those things I don't know, but there was no way I would be caught dead wearin' them, even if I did have to pretend I was him. I dried of my hair and ran my fingers through it, cursing the way it managed to stick out in absolutely every possible direction, even wet. It looked so cool when I wasn't the one who had to deal with it, but Heero's stupid hair was really getting on my nerves. I missed my braid. I think that was the biggest reason I was mad at his hair. 

Finishing up, I went back to the room to see what there was to do for and hour and a half while Heero was hanging out with Mr. Jackson. *Cringe* I can't believe that guy's a principle! Fuckin homophobes It made me wanna hurt something. 

Being in this body was cool and all, but I really missed being me. I felt soalone like this. Even though I was still my talkative self, being Heero Yuy was quite the experience. I didn't want to accidentally hurt people by shaking their hand, or glare at them because I wasn't sure what else to do. It was really getting to me. There were advantages, but I didn't know how to utilize Heero's power, and I still didn't know how to talk to Solo. I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Finally I was calm enough to feel the gentle push of other people as the went about their lives all around me, completely oblivious to my presence. I closed my eyes and tried not to concentrate on any one person; I wanted to see exactly how receptive I could be.

Then I felt it. The familiar pulse of my long dead friend Solo, just sort of hovering around me. Was he going to say something to me? I could feel something in him, like urgency, concern. Maybe he didn't have a lot of time to be around here, and he wanted me to notice him or something. I definitely got the impression he was trying to get my attention. Its hard to describe the way I could fee that the necessity he was projecting was meant for me; its like it had my name branded all over it.

/Solo?/ I asked in my head, hoping he would answer. He had spoken to Heero before, why wouldn't he talk to me? He was my friend before he died, after all. It really hurt when there was nothing but eerie silence in the room around me, and in my heart. Solo's spirit didn't react to my thoughts. He sort of pulsed, once more indicating urgency, but everything was silent. I wasn't feeling any of the warmth or comfort that he'd given Heero, it was almost like the ghost's concern was for someone else. 

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I could feel Solo get sort of excited, pulsing loudly in my heart. Then he grew concerned again. What the hell was goin' on? Why the fuck wouldn't he talk to me? I suppressed a growl and tried again to figure out what he was trying to tell me. This time I was a bit more successful, I received a brief flash of an image from him; Heero. It was a picture of Heero, in my body, walking down the hallway with Relena. She was still in her freaky pink nylons, and her hair was still down, the deep lipstick applied perfectly to her lips. She was glaring at the floor, and Heero was walking beside her, looking around, but not really expressing much of anything that I could recognize. 

/So?/ I reflected in annoyance, /She's taking him to see that fucker, Jackson. What is so important about that?/ 

Before I even finished thinking 'at' Solo, I received another image, and I could somehow feel that his picture was happening now, in the present. This was like live action video compared to watching stuff captured by news crews three hours after an accident.. There were tiny differences, but they made it very clear to me that I was witnessing the present.

Heero was standing in a park. I didn't recognize it, but it was green and pretty. The images I was getting from Solo were silent, but I could imagine birds chirping and kids playing on the swings in the background. I watched from somewhere above as Relena smiled and said something to Heero in an excited tone, then gestured to the tree line a few yards away. I noticed that she had her hair up again, and that the crimson lipstick was replaced with shimmery pink gloss. Heero looked at where she pointed, and started to walk towards the trees.

Relena followed him, and trees quickly surrounded me as I watched from just above and behind the pair. Heero let himself be led along a path, into a small clearing. Relena started to say something to him, gesturing animatedly with her hands. She raised a finger, signaling for Heero to give her a second. Relena yanked the tie out of her hair, clearly still talking about something, and walked around behind him, still talking. Heero had his arms folded and was looking less than interested. Long hair hid his face, but I could tell he was glaring at the ground and thinking about leaving. I watched, completely helpless, as Relena continued talking, laughing loudly, and simultaneously took a heavy baseball bat out from behind a tree.

She went up behind him, not appearing to sneak or be quiet. She was still laughing about whatever she was saying, and she brought the bat up behind her, and swung, clearly putting all of her strength into the swing. The silence of the little movie was shattered as I heard the thick sound that came when the baseball bat solidly connected with Heero's back, and he dropped unconscious like a stone. 

There were no more images from Solo. He pulsed weakly and floated through the room, hovering anxiously around me and waiting for me to get up. I could see the cleanly painted ceiling over my head, and feel the covers of my bed beneath my body. I couldn't really think. Solo pulsed near me and indicated urgency. I finally found the strength to get up off the bed, but I had no idea what to do. I didn't even know where Heero was, much less what Relena could be doing to him. She was obviously crazy, I wouldn't put much past her.

/Solo? I don't know where he is, can you show me?/ I thought at the ghost, momentarily forgetting my jealousy and the ache I felt for him.

Solo seemed tired, fading, but he led me out of the school, pulsing weakly and occasionally dissipating completely into thin air. He was sort of blinking in and out of existence, but he managed to be concentrated enough for me to sense and follow him. I ended up walking away from the school, just past the elementary school down the street. It was Saturday, but several children were playing on the swings and chasing one another, laughing merrily. The birds I'd imagined chirping were loud and energetic, their calls ringing out in the treetops. I wandered into the trees. 

It was harder to follow Solo through the thick growth because he would drift through places that I couldn't walk, and the going was slow, muddy in places. Sunlight streamed cheerfully down through the leaves of tall maples and aspens, sticks and roots littering the ground all around me. It wasn't very long before I didn't need Solo's guidance anymore. I could feel Heero's mind way before I saw him. His thoughts were incoherent, unclear. I knew he couldn't be completely conscious, and I started to run, all the while following the steady beat that came off of him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I started to come around, not really sure where I was or what had happened. The first thing I heard were birds calling somewhere high over my head, their voices echoing loudly inside of my skull. I opened my eyes a crack and closed them quickly when bright sunlight glared into my face. Taking a breath, I listened to the birds sing and felt the sun washing over me. I couldn't hear anyone else around, but I knew that didn't mean I was alone.

Groaning, I didn't even try to sense people, I just raised a hand over my eyes to block the sun and opened them. I was in a forest somewhere, tall green trees over me, and soft moss under me. What the hell was going on? I took a few breaths and remembered how I got here, remembered Relena talking to me about something. But why had I been unconscious? It didn't make any sense, I was missing pieces of the puzzle. I knew I didn't have a concussion, my body felt fine, I wasn't nauseous or really confused beyond reason, and I wasn't bleeding. This was stupid. There was no one anywhere that I could see, I had just been standing around one minute and then been unconscious the next.

I tried to sit up when something finally registered. Something wasn't working properly. I tried to wiggle my toes and nothing happened. I tried to bend my knees, lift my legs, move them at all, and nothing happened. There wasn't any pain, but I couldn't move my legs. Panic went through me before I clamped down on it and refused to let it get to me. I was a soldier, I was not about to let something like this stop me from functioning. I would just have to find a way out of here. I thought about what could cause paralysis in my legs. Back injury. Pinched nerves and tissues in my spine. It was probably not a good idea to move. Relena had been here, she was probably getting help, and that is why I was alone. Butshe didn't leave anything to tell me she was gone, and how would I have hurt myself in the first place?

/Ok Heero, you're thinking about this too much, just stay still for a few minutes, and Relena will be back with help./

I knew the thought was a lie before I finished it. I was in Duo's body, Relena had always hated Duo. And as strange as she had been acting today, I really couldn't know what to expect of her. She had lied to get me out of the room, saying that the principal wanted to see me. As soon as I was away from Duo, she dragged me off elsewhere, and I was feeling so passive at the time that I hadn't really cared. Stupid! Now I was lying in the forest, unable to use my legs, and I could feel the ever-present cold setting in. My teeth started to chatter as goosebumps raced across my skin. If I moved I could risk further damaging the my back, maybe even hurt myself more. But if I didn't move, then I was doomed to lay out here in the cold until someone found me, which probably wouldn't happen.

I decided that I was already hurt, and that I had to get out of the forest. I was presently lying on my back. I rolled over, which proved to be a challenge with my legs as dead weight. I had to drag myself along in a belly crawl on my forearms to get anywhere, and after only a few feet, my stomach and arms were torn and scratched from the debris on the forest floor. Duo's 'I am God' tee-shirt was ripped into ribbons, and his long hair was full of leaves and twigs, his bangs sticking to my face as I sweat. 

I made it to the edge of the clearing, and found a wooden baseball bat lying on the ground, looking guilty and harmless at the same time. Probably what Relena had hit me with, although why she decided to hit me was beyond my understanding. That didn't matter right now. I had to get out of here. I looked into the woods, hearing children playing in the distance. Their soft ambience was so strange, it really made this all seem like a dream. I shivered and looked at the land I would have to crawl over to get back to some kind of civilization. There was a mud puddle about twenty feet in front of me, and after that a hill that would be easy to walk up, but not so easy to crawl. It was covered in thick brambles that I remembered walking through on the way here. With my jeans they hadn't been a problem. Now

I firmed my resolve, pushing away the fear and letting the soldier slide into action. I went at a pace I could handle, inching away from the clearing towards the mud puddle, when I started to hear someone walking through the brush not too far away from me. It sounded like an adult, not a child. I thanked whatever gods existed and called for help as loudly as I could. I barely made a peep. My breaths were heavy and deep in my chest, and there wasn't much room left for speech in my position. I clenched my teeth and tried again, this time getting out a 'help!' that was reasonably loud. The footsteps came closer to me, and my teeth chattered as I hoped to god I was going to be ok.

"HEERO!" A familiar voice answered my pathetic cry. Duo! Duo was here!

I called his name and heard the footsteps speed up, branches cracking under sure feet. Duo came bursting through the bushes to my left and I swear I have never been so happy to see my own body in my whole life. I was panting, out of breath. I hadn't realized that tears were creeping down my face along with the chilled perspiration that had plastered my bangs onto my skin. Duo stared at me for a minute in confusion, then he came and knelt by my head, looking into my eyes. Worry and fear were written all over his face.

"I saw what she did. You shouldn't be moving. Are you ok?" He checked my pulse and asked me to breath deeply for him, then put a hand to my forehead. I didn't really catch what he'd said, the relief was so strong and I was cold, and I just wanted to go back to someplace safe.

"I can't move my legs at all. I just remember talking to Relena and then waking up on my back in the forest, and I couldn't move my legs."

"Are you in any pain? You shouldn't have moved, you could have hurt yourself more."

"No, it doesn't hurt. What did you want me to do, lay there and freeze? I didn't think anyone was going to come looking for me, how did you find me?"

"Solo. He showed me when it happened, and then led me here. He's gone now, though. I don't know if I should move you, I could end up hurting something and making this permanent. But, I don't want to leave you here while I call an ambulance, it took me awhile to get this far in, its gonna be a really long time before EMT's can get here. I'm gonna hafta carry you out."

"Then carry me. I was going to crawl out, I don't think you'll hurt me anymore than I already hurt myself by trying to crawl. If you can find a way to immobilize my back, then you probably won't hurt me at all."

Duo obviously hadn't thought to bring any medical supplies with him, and there was nothing around that he could use to even remotely keep my back straight. I eventually found myself in his steel strong arms, being carried through the sunny forest as fast as he dared go. I was bleeding all over him from the scrapes and gashes on my stomach, and I had started to shiver, but he didn't have anything to keep me warm. I was slipping in and out of consciousness when we came out of the trees into a playground. 

Little children started crying and running to their parents, but one lady stepped forward and offered to drive me to the hospital. Duo accepted and lay me in the back of her minivan. She put a crying little boy in his car seat at the front of the van and let Duo sit on the floor in the back with me. She offered me her sweater, which Duo laid over my shivering body as best he could, and we took off. 

The nearest hospital was about an hour away. I wanted to stay conscious as long as I could, so I started talking to Duo. He had one of my hands in his. They felt warm and strong against my skin. I held onto that warmth and told myself that we'd be there soon. There was a first aid kit in the van, Duo laid the wool blanket over me and pulled out some supplies to clean the wounds I'd given myself trying to crawl out of the forest. He kept talking to me in a soothing voice that I hadn't ever heard him use before. His voice in my body was more masculine and quiet than what he was used to; it sounded good. I wondered why I was thinking of his voice at a time like his, but reminded myself that it didn't really matter what I thought about, as long as I was conscious.

"What happened?" He asked, looking for more detail than I'd given him before.

"Relena took me out into the forest. I was angry and frustrated, I didn't really care where she took me or what I was doing at the time. I wasn't paying attention. She just kept talking, I wasn't even listening to what she was saying anymore. I think maybe she thought that something was different, I wasn't acting like you normally would. I really don't know. She led me to a clearing, and started walking around, letting her hair down. I don't know what hit me. I just blinked and the next thing I knew I was waking up on the ground and I couldn't move my legs. I didn't know what had happened at first, but after hypothesizing I figured she'd done something to me then run away. I mean, she's never liked you to begin with. I don't think she's stable. I tried moving, and ended up crawling on my belly. I could hear the kids in the playground so I set my mind and told myself to crawl towards the sound. Thank you for finding me Duo, I don't think I would have made it without you."

Duo watched me while I spoke. I don't think he realized that I was even capable of speaking that much all at once. He smiled sadly and squeezed my hand in both of his. A shiver passed through me and the van was quiet for a little while. Duo looked out the back window for a few minutes, then turned to me again.

"Heero, it wasn't me, it was Solo. He warned me and led me to you. Next time you talk to him you can tell him you owe him your life. I still haven't heard him speak, he won't talk to me. But, you know I can feel when he's around. The only thing I wonder is why he didn't just tell you to turn around before that bitch hit you. Then none of this would have happened. I can't believe her! You should have killed her when you had the chance. I know I told you that before, but I'll never stop believing it. She would be better off dead. What if you can't walk again because of her? She's crazy."

"Duo, shut up. I'll go to the hospital and they'll get me fixed up. I'll be fine."

The little kid sitting in the front seat must have been listening to us talk, because I heard him shuffling around and then his worried little voice spoke up.

"Mommy, that man said a bad word! He's the man from TV! I saw him before mommy! Mommy!"

I bit my lip and looked at the boring gray ceiling of the minivan, hoping that we wouldn't get into a conversation with this woman about our identities. I really needed to get to the hospital without having to give out information. I didn't want to have to kill this woman at a later date. I knew that if it came to it, Duo would pull out his gun and shoot her, then drive me himself, but for a child so young to see thatI hadn't liked death when I was small, I knew that it would destroy the little boy's life. Duo was thorough, he'd probably kill the kid too.

Meanwhile, the lady, who hadn't actually introduced herself yet, was shushing her child.

"Quiet Ryan, its rude to talk to people like that! What has mommy always told you about being nice to people?"

The kid, Ryan, sniffled apologetically. "I'm sorry mommy, but he's the man I saw on TV! He makes things go boom and has a scythe! He's the man that saved daddy! I remember mommy! I never saw anyone else with a long braid like he has! He just doesn't have it in right now, but its him!!" There were shuffling sounds and a seatbelt unbuckling, and soon a cute little snub face was poking over the backseat. The kid had blond hair and brown eyes, and he looked at me adoringly. "You saved daddy! I know you did! Didn't you save daddy?"

He looked expectant, like he wanted me to answer. I had no idea how he would recognize Duo's body in its current state, but I was more concerned with when Duo had actually made a big flashy move that really, clearly saved people. He was usually the one to sneak in and out and no one ever noticed him. I was at a loss for words. Duo squeezed my hand and smiled at the boy.

"Sorry kid, I think you got the wrong guy, but he's honoured that you think he saved your daddy, really! How about you go sit back down and get buckled up, and we can get my friend to the hospital, ok? Its important, we want him to be able to walk again."

The kid looked reverently at me, letting his confused certainty show on his face. Then he looked back at Duo and decided to climb back into his car seat. I heard his mom sigh in relief and the buckle snapped shut securely. I was staring at Duo now, wondering if I'd walk again, and thinking about how much it would suck for him when he got back into his own body and had to deal with this. It seemed unfair. The woman driving spoke up and decided to introduce herself.

"I'm sorry for Ryan's excitement. His father was saved by a Gundam pilot, the one with the long braid. Every time he sees someone with really long hair and a certain shade of eyes he gets hyper and wants to thank them. I think one day when the war is over I'll try and find that man and thank him, he saved our family. My name is Karen, I forgot to tell you before. Are you both doing alright? I know I'm not getting overly excited by your injury, but I find its best to remain calm in these situations, we're nearly at the hospital. It should be about ten more minutes."

I could imagine the Karen woman smiling, even though she couldn't really see us. I was glad we didn't have to kill her, especially for something as stupid as getting me to the hospital. I rode in silence while Duo started a conversation with her. I just listened to the sound of his voice and tried not to fall asleep. I felt completely calm and comfortable, aside from the occasional shiver and the pain on my stomach and arms from the scrapes there.  


  



	9. Essence; Ch.9

  
**Essence  
Part Nine  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  
We got Heero to the hospital and I had to force myself not to growl at the nurses and hurt them when they wouldn't let me go in with him. I was forced to wait in some stupid fucking excuse for a waiting room while all the freaky old people I didn't know poked and prodded him and saw to it that he would get better. It was damned frustrating! 

So I was left to my thoughts after the docs took Heero away. They had me fill out some forms about his medical history and such, then they told me I could wait or I could go home for the night. And I'll be damned if they thought I was gonna leave! Nunh unh! No way!

I probably should have hunted down Relena and slowly ripped her apart, but Heero was more important than revenge at the moment. I think. I was wondering what was up with her, though. I mean, where does she get off beating _my_ Heero with a baseball bat like that? Its INJUSTICE, DAMNIT! I sat in the happy waiting room chairs and breathed in the stench and feeling of sickness as I contemplated what could possibly make Relena act the way she did. It wasn't right, wasn't sane. I didn't think that if we caught her, that she'd have any memory at all of what she had done. It was like there were two Relena's inside one body, and one of them was a complete bitch.

I strained my new ability and tried to pick something up from Heero, but he must have been unconscious, because I couldn't catch a god-damned thing. I didn't even know where in the building he was! After what felt like forever but was closer to being about two hours, a tired-looking doctor came into the room and coughed to get my attention, then introduced himself as Doctor Keene. I stood up and glared at him in a very Heero-ish way, folding my arms over my chest.

"Well?"

"Mr. Maxwell? I'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Shoot." I was not pleased. Dr. Keene seemed to be so tired that all I could pick up from him was a blur of his day's events and an underlying honesty and devotion to his work. Even if he didn't give me good news, I knew already that he was being honest and that he would do his very best to ensure each of his patients was as healthy as possible, including Heero.

"Could you give me a synopsis of what happened? Heero told us, but I would like to have your side of the story as well."

"His spine had an unfortunate meeting with a baseball bat at the hands of a crazy girl. That's it. I found him and brought him here. I guess I shouldn't have moved him, but it wasn't like I had a choice. Is he gonna be ok?"

The doc rubbed his face a bit tiredly and looked at me. "Its too soon to tell. He's sleeping now, but you can go see him. He did break his back, and it caused the nerves running to his lower body to be pinched. We have to wait until the swelling clears up a bit before we can try to fix him up. I think it would be best if you went home and got a good night's sleep, then came back tomorrow. He wont get any worse, in fact he probably wont feel very weak or sick at all. I can't tell you if he'll walk again for a few days. Go home Mr. Maxwell."

I shook my head at him. "He'll walk again. He's tough. I want to stay here with him, can I get a chair to sleep in or something?"

"Mr. Maxwell"

"I'm staying."

"Very well, Tina will show you to his room. He won't be awake until the morning, we sedated him so that he wouldn't damage anything by moving or trying to get up."

A young chick that couldn't have been much older than me came into the room, smiling, but she also looked very tired. She led me through some halls and up one floor, then down another hall until she reached Heero's room. The door was open a few inches. She pushed it open all the way and let me in.

"Goodnight Mr. Maxwell, there will be nurses coming in throughout the night to monitor his condition and check on him. Press the call button if you need something."

She smiled again and closed the door, scampering off to do whatever else she had to do. I felt her gentle mind's presence retreating as she got further away, until it finally blended into the rest of the hospital. I was trying my very best not to feel anyone else in the building, but the gradual ebb of tired pain was all around me. I really hate hospitals.

Heero, in my body of course, was laying on his back on a flat bed, a heart monitor beeping faithfully beside him. The soft rise and fall of his breaths filled the room, and there was only the glow of various humming machinery to accompany me as I made my way over the light tiled floor to the bed.

He was wearing one of those stupid hospital gowns and had a warm-looking blanket pulled over him. Good. I didn't want him getting cold, I had noticed how much it seemed to bother him ever since the switch. There was an IV poking out of his arm. The clear plastic tube led to a sugar-saline solution hanging from one of those stupid, tall IV stand things. There was a worn Lazy-Boy in the corner by his bed; somewhere for me to sleep.

I went over to him, not really comfortable around the calmly beeping machine and the little lights in the room. Everything looked so sterile and cold, it was freaky. I took one of Heero's hands in both of mine, feeling the blood beat through him, assuring me that he was very much alive. I couldn't get anything but a small glow out of him, because he was sedated. He slept peacefully and dreamlessly. The forced rest was probably good for him, aside from the whole spinal issue.

"Jesus Heero." I said quietly, looking at his face. He actually didn't look that sick, not like out of a movie or something. He just looked like he was sleeping flat on his back. It made me think he was dead and in a coffin for a second, but I quickly forced my mind away from any morbid thoughts as I leaned over and brushed a kiss on Heero's forehead, then moved my lips to his. They were slack and unmoving; his jaw fell partially open and stayed that way when I kissed him. He was almost completely limp, but he was still breathing so I told myself it was ok, gently pushing his mouth shut again.

I sat in the chair, staring at the rise and fall of Heero's chest as I thought about what was happening. I would have to pay Relena for this. Fuckin bitch. Everything was starting to work out; Heero was starting to act like a bit of a person, then she goes and squashes all my hopes and happiness flat with her stupid baseball bat. How could she!?? What was wrong with her anyway?

I resigned myself to think nicer thoughts, positive thoughts, and settled further into the chair to sleep. There was a blanket put there for me. I got up and laid it over Heero. This body didn't really get cold, but I knew he'd appreciate the extra warmth. I sat down again and put the footrest up, then closed my eyes and listened to Heero's breathing as I drifted to sleep. The din of pain and age around me from the rest of the hospital was never far off, but I was determined to stay with Heero anyway.  
  
~*~*~*~

Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up to the presence of Solo hovering in the room. Looking around I saw that there wasn't anyone but Heero and myself, aside from the ghost. My jealousy surged as Solo wrapped his essence around Heero, completely ignoring me. I could feel Heero's subconscious mind reacting to the comfortable warmth Solo provided, as if he were snuggling into my dead friend, even as he slept.

The pulsing feeling Solo created was strong, I think he must have been speaking to Heero, but I could hear nothing of what he said. I was not just angry now, but hurt, singed. Solo was my friend, but he spoke softly to Heero while he was sleeping? Where the hell was he when _I_ was sleeping badly? Where was Solo when _I_ was sick? He was just dead. But for Heero, it seemed, even the dead weren't quite gone.

I looked at Heero. His body didn't move, his heart-rate stayed the same, and his face still looked as if he were simply sleeping, but I suspected that the drug was wearing off and he was sleeping normally now. I was caught between storming out of the cool room to vent my anger elsewhere, and accepting that Solo simply didn't love me anymore. He must have chosen Heero for some reason. I knew it wasn't fair to Heero that I be even slightly upset over this, but it really hurt to feel Solo all around me and not be able to even communicate with him unless it regarded Heero.

I folded my arms and closed my eyes, trying to go back to sleep. Obviously I was too pissed to calm down enough to sleep. Duh. Heero made a soft, contented sigh and Solo's presence faded for a second, thinning out and dissipating. There was something that could have passed as a whimper, but it was more like a moan from Heero, and I felt Solo materialize, stronger than before. There was more gentle pulsing, the feeling I had come to believe was Solo talking to Heero, the he was gone again, floating away like some kind of ominous cloud being swept off. Ok, I was feeling a bit cynical. So sue me.

I growled unintentionally, evoking no reaction from Heero, then got up and left the room, pulling the door partially shut. I had to get out of there, the room was starting to get tiny and stuffy, and I was feeling bitter as hell.

Trying my best not to stomp, I took the stairs down to the ground floor and walked out into the cool night. The heavy feeling the hospital had given me lifted, and I instantly felt better. I was still seething angrily over what had just happened, however. I needed to cool off or something. It was too far to go back to the school anyway, and I was flat broke.

I walked off to the little park behind the hospital. It was dotted with random trees and benches. The sound of crickets chirping was soothing to my angry heart. I sat heavily on a bench and put my head in my hands, sighing.

Heero's short, thick hair was between my fingers. I could see the ochre sneakers on my feet and feel the unnatural strength that was rushing through me, despite how weary I felt. It was just so _wrong!_ I was way too angry for my own good, like I could really hurt something right now and not care. I wanted to find Relena and kill her so badly that I clenched my hands into fists and yanked on my hair, growling in frustration at the small pain it caused me.

"Shit." I muttered quietly, hating the cool sound of my voice. It sounded sosingle. Like being in this stupid body made me into my very own island, someone who didn't need any contact with anyone. 

/Why couldn't Solo love _me?_/ I thought, slamming both fists down on the bench. The wood groaned and splintered a bit in protest, but I felt better sorta. Then I remembered why I was strong enough to make the wood do that and I growled again.

"Damnit!"

I got up and walked through the park some more, still feeling angry and alone. I am not immune to self-pity. I eventually stalked back up to the room, getting myself a bottle of water on the way.

I went over to Heero after shutting the door as quietly as I was able. He was, on all accounts, sleeping as peacefully as could be. I brushed the spiky bangs out of his face and kissed his cheek, holding his hand for a minute and just staring at him. He was me, but he wasn't. It was really strange, like the former Duo Maxwell had dried up and become this new creature inhabited by someone else entirely. Well, that wasn't altogether untrue.

I sighed yet again and hunkered down in my chair to wait the night out, there was no way I could go back to sleep now.

Sleep got the better of me and I drifted off in a matter of minutes. Stupid sleep.

~*~*~*~

The next morning I awoke to a soft sounding whimper. Opening my eyes and stretching out of what could have been the most uncomfortable resting position I have ever tried, I saw Heero moving a bit on his bed. My eyes flew all the way open and I was there in half a second, reaching for his hand and looking into his eyes with concern.

"Heero? Are you alright?"

Heero blinked at me sleepily, his big indigo eyes only opening halfway. He nodded his head after a second. "Duo?"

"Yeah?"

"Hi."

"Hi. Do you want me to get the doctor? Do you hurt anywhere? I was so worried"

"No, I'm ok. Did you stay here all night?"

I smiled down at him and sat on the bed beside him. "Yes, I did. The doctor told me last night that he wont know anything until the swelling goes down, so you're stuck here for a few days. I figured you might want company."

Heero yawned and stretched his arms over his head. He was giving off a slow, calm radiation of sleepiness. I leaned down and planted a kiss on his nose, then his lips, and gave him a hug. 

"Duo? UhmI have to go to the bathroomI think I need help getting there." Distress and embarrassment, and a clear picture of Heero falling on the floor, unable to get up came from his mind. I squeezed his hand.

"Don't be upset, I'll get you a nurse. I would help, but I don't know if I am supposed to move you. I really would hate myself if I made something worse. I'll be right back." Heero nodded and I dashed out of the room and flagged down the first nurse I saw. She smiled and came over to me. Her nametag said 'Annette.'

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I hope so. My friend is in this room right here. He just woke up and I think he needs some help."

The nurse smiled at me again and a picture of Heero formed in her mind. "Heero right? I think he'll remember me, we met last night. The poor boy, I'll help him out right away."

I followed the nurse and she walked into Heero's room. "Good morning Heero, need a little help?"

Heero nodded. "I have to pee."

Annette nodded and unfolded a wheelchair I hadn't even noticed sitting against a wall of the room. She rolled it over to Heero's bed, then went to the foot of the bed and lowered it. Then she pulled the covers off of Heero and lifted him, one arm under his knees and one under his arms. She set him in the chair. His legs hung limply onto the floor, and he tried to prop himself up on one of the armrests, a tight frown on his face and horrible embarrassment wafting off of him very strongly. He looked at me.

"Duo, why don't you go eat breakfast or something, ok?"

I smiled sadly, it was clear that he didn't want me to see him so helpless. I went out of the room and down to the cafeteria, trying not to think of the way his legs were hanging onto the floor and bending at the ankles where his feet should have been holding them up.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I watched Duo go, biting my lip and trying not to cry. When he was gone, I used my arms to hoist one leg at a time onto the footrests. They were dead weight in my grasp. I could faintly feel my hands on my legs, but when I told them to move, nothing happened. Annette squeezed my shoulder.

"Heero, he's your friend, you shouldn't make him leave like that."

"I know, but I had to. I can't let him watch this, its pathetic and you know it. Can I pee now?" I was frustrated and hurt, I wanted to get up and walk over to the bathroom all by myself, but it just wasn't happening. My already wounded pride was slowly being stamped into the ground, deeper and deeper. That look in Duo's eyes, like I was something only half-whole, it really hurt. I know he didn't mean to let that show, but I caught it, even without my sense. He was still my friend, but we weren't equals anymore. He had the strength, the mobility, he had the sixth sense; Duo wasn't doing so badly. Here I was wallowing in self-pity like an attention-starved child. I frowned and told myself to stop being so pathetic. They were only legs; I still had my mind, I was still me.

Annette wheeled me over to the washroom in the hall and took me inside. She lifted me off of the chair and set me on the toilet. After my business was done, I tried to turn around to flush, unconsciously putting weight on one of my legs. I fell off the toilet in an ungraceful heap onto the cold, white tile floor. 

Annette was at my side in an instant. I pushed her away, growling out a stiff "No, I'll do it myself," and taking a second to make sure she wasn't trying to help me. I looked at the chair in front of me. It looked like it was three kilometers high, but I was absolutely determined not to let Annette help me. I belly-crawled over to the chair, forcing myself not to wince as I put pressure on my already abused stomach and arms. 

I grasped the bottom bars of the chair and pulled it into a position I thought would work. Then I reached up for the armrests and tried to pull myself up. I slipped and banged my face on a footrest, cursing. Annette came over and hovered worriedly. She looked like a ten-story building from where I was on the floor. The sad thing is that normally, I would be taller than her. She started to bend down as blood began to trickle down onto my lips from my nose. 

"Go away Annette, I can do this for myself." This time, I reached behind the chair and flipped on the brake, so it wouldn't slide away again. I held one armrest and put a palm on one footrest and tried to get up that way. It didn't work. I slid onto the floor again. Sighing, tears beginning to sting my eyes, I tried my original trick of pulling myself up using the armrests. 

I was more successful that time around. I managed to get my chest onto the seat of the chair. Grabbing the back of it, I pulled myself up and twisted into a sitting position, then I lifted each leg onto a footrest and looked angrily at Annette. I knew I couldn't wheel myself yet, at this point I would fall out of the chair and land on my face.

Annette pushed me back to my room and put me back in the bed. She hiked up the head of the mattress at a comfortable angle and pulled the blankets over me. I glared at her and crossed my arms over my chest. 

"Next time, Heero, you should let me help you. I think your nose has already stopped bleeding, you should be ok. I'll be back with your breakfast in a little while."

"Fine." I bit out. She left and I watched her go. That's when I noticed the other person in the room. Duo was sitting in the lazy-boy, looking at me with open concern. I wanted to hit him for that look, like I was a helpless child. I turned my glare on him. "I thought you were at the cafeteria."

"I was, I came back here to see if you were done yet. You know, if you weren't so stubborn, you wouldn't be so miserable, Heero. What happened to your face?"

"I was being stubborn." I saw no point in trying to convince Duo of anything, he could read my thoughts. He knew what had happened, most likely. Duo got up and came over to sit on the bed beside me. He tried to take one of my hands, and I wouldn't let him.

"Heero, I know this is difficult, but you're only making it harder on yourself if you don't let people help you. I know you aren't mad, you're scared. I can feel it. Don't be. I'm not giving up on you. Now, didn't Annette say something about breakfast? I'm hungry." Duo grinned at me and poked me in the ribs. I squirmed and uncrossed my arms to push his finger away, trying not to smile. He grabbed my hands and held them so I couldn't move, then he leaned close and kissed my lips.

It was just a soft little peck, but I felt better. I felt a lot better, actually; like he really did see that I wasn't just some sad little wheelchair kid, but another person. I could still hack anything faster than he could think about it. I wasn't worthless. 

I didn't get a chance to thank him, because Annette knocked on the door and came into the room with a tray of breakfast. She set it on one of those tables that extends over the bed, and smiled at Duo knowingly. I was missing whatever silent conversation they were having; I didn't get it. Annette left and shut the door gently behind her.

"Ahh, the sweet smell of hospital food in the morning. No wonder all the people here are sick. Look at this stuff!! I'm going to buy you some real food, what would you like?"

"I'll eat this Duo, its fine. You're broke anyway."

"Yeah, but I can still get you something to eat"

"No. You are _not_ stealing food from a hospital! Don't you have any shame?"

Duo shook his head no and grinned, then moved out of the way so I could eat. After a few bites I was starting to reconsider Duo's proposition. I think that the thing on my plate had egg in it, and the cold, black little triangles were toast, but this was just gross. I finished about half off the stuff before I pushed the tray away with disgust.

"How can anyone eat that stuff?"

Duo broke into a fit of giggles from his spot in the lazy-boy. He rolled the tray away from the bed for me and sat down again. "So what are you supposed to do all day? Just lay here? That's no fun! Let's do something Heero! I'm bored!"

"You're impossible Duo." I shivered a bit, it was cold in the hospital. Duo most likely caught my feeling of cold, because he pulled the extra blanket over me and tucked it in. The flimsy hospital gown wasn't exactly warm, and all the blankets were too short. I hate hospitals.

There was a knock on the door and Annette came back in and picked up my tray. She turned to me. "Heero, Dr. Keene will be here momentarily to see how your doing. Tell him if anything hurts or whatever, so that he knows." She left again. The doctor was back already? Didn't he ever sleep? A few minutes later the kindly man stepped into the room and smiled at me tiredly.

"Good morning Heero. Time to see how we're doing. What happened to your face?"

"I was being stubborn."

"Ah. Mr. Maxwell, I'll only be in here for a few minutes, why don't you come back in about ten, alright?"

Duo got up and left me laying on the bed. He shut the door behind him. I wondered how he felt, being constantly dismissed. Probably useless.

The doctor asked me a few questions about how I felt. I told him that my legs were half numb and I couldn't move them at all. He nodded and started to poke around, eventually turning me over on my stomach. He felt around my back, making small comments to himself. He turned me back over and looked into my eyes. "Mr. Yuy, there is still some swelling, but it has gone down considerably. We should be able to tell how permanent this condition is in a day or two. You heal very quickly. And try to feel a bit better, go outside and get some sun. I'll see you tomorrow."

Dr. Keene left just as Duo was coming back in. He stopped Duo and told him something that I didn't quite catch, then Duo nodded and came over to me with a paper baggie. I looked at it in question. He smiled at me, somehow squeezing open warmth out of my face when I had not been able to do it my whole life.

"Warm bagel with cream cheese. I'm taking you for a ride in the park, and you get to eat a warm bagel with cream cheese. See? Its not so bad!! C'mon, quit glarin' at me and let me help you put some clothes on. Turns out there's a decent lost and found, I have clothes for you. Duo pulled a pair of jeans, a tee-shirt, and a sweatshirt out of the bag hanging off his arm and tossed them on the bed. He came over to me and pulled my blankets off. I shivered and glared at him. He grinned.

"We're getting you dressed and in that chair whether you like it or not, and then we're going for a walk through the park. But first I think I'm brushing your hair, its all messy! Jesus Heero, have you combed since you got in my bod? It looks like a giant rat's nest!!"

Duo pulled a brush out of somewhere and went around the bed and climbed up beside me. I looked at him strangely. Did he expect me to just scoot over and sit up for him? I don't think he knew how limited my movements wee at the time; I've never known Duo to be inconsiderate. Unless you count his incessant talking, but that had been welcome company lately, especially now that it was so quiet in my head, and my heart.

"Well, turn around so I can brush your hair! C'mon! C'mon!!"

"Ican't sit up by myself. I need your help Duo."

"Ohyeah. Ok, I'm movin' you then." Duo's arms came under my armpits and he effortlessly moved me so my legs were hanging off of the bed and my back was to him. Carefully, he let me go. I held myself up with my arms, but I was leaning forward, putting all of my upper body weight on them. I couldn't even sit up by myselfI was really getting upset and embarrassed. Of course ever intelligent Duo had to point this out.

"Heero, don't be embarrassed, you can't help this, ok? Lean back against me, I'll hold you up and brush out your hair. There you go, you're ok, man." Duo wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me to him, planting a kiss on my cheek. He leaned me back against his chest. I was sitting between his legs. He began to brush my hair out, talking to me. Everything about him was positive and strong and encouraging. I had never seen him like that. It felt nice, and forty minutes later when he gave me another hug and set me back so I was laying on the bed again, I almost asked him to just hold me for awhile longer. But obviously I didn't say anything, after a small 'thank you.'

"No problem, now, its sunny out and you are due for fresh air. Let's go."

I wanted to tell Duo 'no,' and have him lay down beside me and hold me some more. I wanted it really badly, but before I knew it I was sitting in the chair again, with Duo pushing me around, down the halls, into the elevator, and out of the stuffy hospital into the green park behind it. The sun touched my skin warmly and I felt a little better.

This was a pretty nice place to be, I had to admit. It was dotted with random trees and benches, and it stretched back really far, touching upon some woods at one end, and, of course, the hospital on the other. There were a few other people outside, either being pushed around in wheelchairs or walking. Duo pushed me over the smoothly paved path that wound through the whole park. I don't think I weighed anything to him, he was pushing the chair one-handed and gesturing avidly with the other. 

I watched the pavement at my feet as it slowly inched past me, grabbing some of my hair and fidgeting with it in my fingers. Duo eventually rolled me over to one of the bigger trees and stopped under it. There was a little wooden bench under the willow, and it seemed private, sort of hidden away from the world. Duo put me in front of the bench, then he sat down so he was facing me.

I looked at him questioningly. What the hell was he doing?

He frowned, then his face became sort of neutral. "Just be patient Heero, I just wanted to tell you what I've been thinking about this. I mean, If its permanent, I say we go pay a visit to J and G and see if they can do something for it. One of us has to live in that body, and no matter who it is, we both need to be able to use our legs."

I nodded to him, but didn't say anything. He would just read any thoughts I had about the situation before I could explain them to him. 

And what _did_ I think? I was angry, about not being able to walk, and about needing help to do something as mundane as pee. I was scared, that I'd be the one stuck like this for the rest of my life, and I was caught between wondering who should rightfully be prisoner in this form, and who should get to live free and strong in my natural form. It was a paradox, this was all wrong. By switching us, G and J had messed with the natural way of things, and now Duo and I were paying the price with our losses.

Duo told me that he agreed completely with my way of thinking, and with my opinion of the situation. He didn't know which of us should stay in his body, or how to make that choice. Sighing, Duo got up and wheeled me back into the hospital.

  



	10. Essence; Ch.10

  
**Essence  
Part Ten  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


The day crawled along way too slowly. I stayed at the hospital with Heero, but I really needed to be getting back to school. I had Relena to hunt down, and the asshole principal was probably wondering where I was. I asked Heero if he wanted me to put him back in bed, and he told me that he would rather stay by the window, so that's where I put him. 

Bumming some change off a nurse, I went to the payphones in the lobby and searched out the St. Jame's Secondary Academy in the phone book. I called, and instantly recognized the voice of the nice lady that had first helped us get settled. She asked me what was going on, and after I started to tell her she told me to hold for the principal. This was a serious enough issue that he needed to know what was happening.

A minute later, Mr. Jackson's voice was on the other end of the line asking me what had happened. I told him that Heero had an accident and his legs were temporarily paralyzed.

"Heero? That boy in your room, right? When will you be coming back to school?" He didn't even seem to care about Heero, it made me mad. Bastard.

"Uhm, I'm the closest thing Heero has to family, I'm going to be staying with him sir. Unfortunately, we need some of our clothes and things. If at all possible, I need to go back to the school and pick some things up. Can you do that?"

"Well, you see Duo, since you're such a nice young guy, I can make an exception for you. I will take the afternoon off and come pick you up so you can get some of your things, then I'll drive you back to the hospital."

"Thank you sir."

"Don't mention it. You can do extra homework to make up for it."

"Great. Don't you even want to know how Heero is doing?"

"No, he'll be fine. Probably knockin' up the male staff. You know he's gay, don't you? I can have your room changed if you don't want to be around him."

"Excuse me? Heero is my friend! Don't talk about him like that!"

"What? He's a fag, not my problem if he doesn't like how he gets treated, maybe he shouldn't be gay then."

"Goodbye sir, when will you be here?"

"An hour and a half, at the front lobby."

"Fine." 

I slammed the phone on the receiver and made my way back over to Heero's room. What a goddamned BASTARD! Who did he think he was, bashin' Heero? I wanted to cram my fist down his throat and burn his eyes out with a cigarette, he made me so mad! And that toneless voice he always used, like he was nothin' more than a fuckin cyborg. Shit.

I took the stairs to vent my anger. I wasn't even out of breath by the time I got up them; stupid efficient tireless body, I couldn't even stomp angrily without feeling better!

Heero was staring out the window in almost the exact same position I'd left him. I noticed that he'd braided a few locks of hair in the front, so that three little braids hung in his face. They looked kinda nice, I wondered why I never did anything cool with my hair, then dismissed the thought. 

Heero was radiating indifference and annoyance, I decided not to tell him about my conversation with the bastard Jackson until he asked.

"Hey Heero, I'm goin to get some of our stuff at the school this afternoon, anything in particular you want?"

He didn't look at me, probably to avoid falling out of the chair, because he would have to turn all the way around. It would be nice when he could walk again.

"My laptop, a gun, and some clothes. And a toothbrush. How are you getting to the school? Its an hour away by car."

"I called, Jackson is coming to pick me up." At the bastard's name, I seethed angrily, wanting to hurt the man so much I was starting to think that maybe me riding in a tiny car with him for a whole hour wasn't such a good idea. I have a short fuse, and he knew all the right buttons to push to make me mad.

"The principal?" A picture of Jackson formed in Heero's mind, it was the expression of disgust on his face when he had been talking to Heero the other day. It only made me angrier. My voice came out low and full of malice.

"Yes. The principal."

"Ah."

Good old tactful, quiet Heero, not asking questions. Gotta love the guy sometimes. I was getting sick of talking to the back of his head, so I went and sat on the end of his bed that was close to the window. I couldn't really see his face past the curtain of hair. I was actually happy not to be able to see it. It was freakin' me out, how I was attracted to him, but he was in my body. I was attracted to my own body. I knew there had to be something not right in that equation.

The funny thing is, Heero would look at me, and I could feel that he liked what he saw. He was having the same problem; he was attracted to me, but I was in his body, and he was uncomfortable with liking his own body. Why can't Heero and I ever have _normal_ problems? I mean, if he got a zit, and we had a date that night, and he was hyped about the zit, that would be normal, if a little shallow. But to be worrying about who was in your own _body?_ It was freaky!

At least his thoughts were taking my mind off of Jackson, Christ knows I'd be having enough of _that_ bastard later, I didn't need to be thinking of him now.

"So, you want me to put you back on the bed? I'm gonna be leavin' soon, it would suck if you were stranded"

"No, I'll stay here Duo."

Heero felt, to me, like he needed some comfort. All this bad shit was happenin to him, and there was no-one around to hold his hand but me. And I was a seriously crappy person to have around when you needed a friend. I mean, I have to be one of the most self-centered people I know-even that sentence; I, I, I! Its always about me! Mwha. 

I put my hand on his shoulder. And the crowds were amazed as I managed a sentence that was actually kinda sensitive and comforting, although it figures my powerful...er, power of sensitivity was wasted on the one guy who really needed it. Sometimes I swear Heero practices being a bastard just cause he's good at it; like playin a game that you know you'll always win.

"Heero, I know this is hardeverythin's goin' all wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it, but try not to be so grumpy, ok?"

"Hnwhy don't you go wait for Jackson, I want to be alone right now."

"Sure thing Heero. See you."

And with that I walked out of the room and left Heero where he was. He just didn't want me to see him all helpless, I know it. The feeling of complete and utter embarrassment was oozing off of him in thick waves, humiliation and shame not very far behind. I went out to the lobby to wait for my ride.

~*~*~*~

One happy hour later, the stern impression that Mr. Jackson gave off came into the hospital, and I looked up to see him a few moments before he saw me. I stifled my anger and hatred for the man quite well, if I do say so myself, considering it was the only thing I could do at the time. He led me out to his car and I got in the backseat on the passenger side, trying to be as far away from him as possible.

Unfortunately, empathy, or telepathy, or whatever-the-fuck the power came with this body was called, reached a lot further then the space inside the car. Jackson had this tendency to broadcast his thoughts at an unreasonable volume, like really wanted everyone in a ten kilometer radius to know he was thinking naughty thoughts about me when he saw me.

I shivered as that realization hit. Mr. Homophobic-Bastard-Jackson was thinking naughty thoughts about a BOY! I couldn't believe it, he was beating Heero up over it, and the man was GAY! He drove in silence for a little while, thinking about how he had the power to stop the car and fuck me, if that's what he really wanted to do. And he really wanted to do it. Ewwwww!!!! I was getting nauseous from reading his thoughts, but like I said, he was thinking in surround sound, I couldn't block them out.

My feeble attempt to save the contents of my stomach was to start a conversation with him.

"So, is auto class fun at the school sir?" I asked, my voice in its usual low tone, now that I had Heero's voice. I had to admit though, I could see why I liked his voice before it was my own, it kind of rumbled my chest with quiet strength. Very sexy to listen to. Too bad I'd probably never get to hear him use his own voice ever again, our situation really sucked ass, now that I think about it.

"I'm sorry Duo, what did you say?"

"I was just wondering about auto tech, is it a good class? I'm taking it, I like cars."

"Its excellent. Everything at St. Jame's is excellent, our school is very well-off."

"That's cool. I'm kind of tired, I think I'll take a nap until we get there, ok sir?"

"Fine Duo, do whatever you like."

I was insanely glad he didn't ask me anything about gays or Heero or anything even remotely along that lines, I just wasn't in the mood to deal with it right now. I really was tired, so I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes, settling off to sleep and trying to block out as many of Jackson's thoughts as possible.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Duo left me by the window in my room, and I waited there a full hour, just so that I was sure he was gone, before I sighed to myself and decided to try moving on my own. I looked down at my useless legs, they were pale white and cold because all I had to wear was a hospital gown. I ran a hand over my skin, I could only half feel it. It was like having pins and needles, but instead of that tingly feeling, there was just this numbness.

I looked at my bare feet, propped up on the footrests so that they wouldn't drag on the floor. I tried wiggling my toes, and nothing happened. The ability to move my legs had just abruptly been suspended, they were useless. 

There was a seatbelt in the chair, which I fastened to avoid falling out; that would be all I needed, falling out of the chair and not being able to reach the call button to get a nurse. Long hair fell over my eyes and into my lap, it would probably get in the way. I tore the hem off of the thin blue-green gown I was wearing and used it as a hair-tie. OK. I was ready to try moving.

Leaning forward and grabbing the wheels, I pulled, trying to go backwards so that I could get away from the window. Unfortunately the break was still on, and I didn't go anywhere. Scrunching my face up in distaste I twisted in my seat to try and see the brake; maybe I could reach it. Why would they make wheelchairs that someone sitting in couldn't move? That would be illogical.

Apparently the chairs _were_ made for a normal-sized adult, and had I been in my own body I would have been able to reach the brake release, but my fingers were about three inches too far away. I sighed and tried to stretch far enough to reach it, but I was still much too far away. Growling in frustration, I turned around and tried to reach it from the other side, but that turned out to be just as hopeless.

Great. Time to try a new tactic. Thinking about the different positions I could manage, I decided that I would have to get out of the chair if I wanted to unlock the break, otherwise I would tip it over by leaning too far. I looked behind me; Duo, thankfully, had closed the door to my room, so I would not receive any visitors unless there were nurses that did routine checkups. I hoped not, I really didn't want someone to catch me completely defenseless on the floor beside my chair.

I unbuckled myself and looked at the floor in front of me. It seemed so far away. I lifted my legs onto the floor one at a time, pulling the footrests up and to the sides. There, now all I had to do was get onto the floor. I scooted myself forward so that I was sitting on the edge of the seat, then moved each leg so that it was mostly under the chair; that way I wouldn't fall on them and end up with a broken leg on top of everything else. The only thing I could do was fall forward and hope that the tile floor was kind to me.

I fell ungracefully sideways, twisting my knee in the process. The faraway pain flowered up my leg, but it was irrelevant, I had to learn to move around by myself, even if I did end up in pain some of the time. So, I'd made it to the floor. I was laying there, my face against the tiles, long chestnut hair having escaped its make-shift tie, so it was all around me. Both legs were underneath the chair, but I couldn't sit up to move them, so I belly-crawled away from the chair. The cold floor sent shivers through me even as my body worked to move itself under limitations.

Having dragged myself out of the chair's reach, I took a break for a second, panting from the effort of moving this way. I had already torn open some of the stitches on my elbows; fresh blood slicked each of them and made it difficult to pull myself forward. 

I struggled like a fish out of water to turn around and reach the brake. Once it was unlocked, I recalled what had happened to me before, when I was in the bathroom. The chair would be impossible to get into with the break off. 

Clenching my teeth and sighing in thick frustration and defeat, I put the brake back on and slowly dragged my worthless legs with me into a sitting position. Now I was back where I'd started, only tired from the effort. I rubbed at the stubborn blood on my arms with my gown and wiped the sweat from my face. It clung to my hair and sent damp tendrils wandering over my eyes. Frustrated, I yanked my hair back out of my face and took a few breaths, trying to calm myself down enough to think of another way to approach the situation.

I looked down at the unreachable brake. My outward calm was completely shot, I was a mess. All I wanted to do was movewhy did it have to be so hard? I hated the brake right now, it was the focus of all my heated anger. Anger that was worse since I had adopted Duo's form, everything in him made me act more, feel more. I hated that too. 

The anger was intense, I was definitely too worked up over something as small as this, as a general rule I never got this mad. My head started to feel light, I was breathing heavily. The sound of laboured pants was the only thing in the room, it swallowed up the sound of the clock ticking evenly.

I watched as the brake started to move of its own volitionseemingly. I could feel all the little molecules that composed it, and it was like I was making them do what I wanted. I could feel everything else in the room too, the walls, the clock, the bedeverything. My eyes were sightlessit was in my head. The brake slipped out of place and I felt the chair come into my control, but I was too busy passing out to do anything about it. 

My world went white and I slumped down in the chair, unconscious.

~*~*~*~

When I came to again, I was lying on the bed. Someone had folded the chair up and slid it against the wall. My legs were the first thing I tested out, but the still didn't work. Hn. I was alone in the rooma nurse must have come and put me in bed. I tried to think about what had happened.

Everything had gone white, I really couldn't recall what I had done. Nothing seemed out of place, maybe I was dreaming. Figures I wouldn't even be able to remember if something relevant happened to me. I was definitely feeling depressed and worthless right now, I was at a low.

Fortunately, there was some relief, I felt warmth on my skin, hot breath over my face, although there was not really anything there. Solo, of course. He had come to comfort me againthis was getting to be a pattern. I get upset and Solo comes to make me feel better.

/Go away...I don't need your pity./

~~You would prefer if I left you alone? Heero, I couldbut I really think you're going to need some guidanceyou don't realize what just happened, do you. You moved that brake with your mindtelekinesis. Not your power, Duo's, but he doesn't know about it. You unlocked it. You have to learn to control it.~~

/Bullshit./

I felt sick inside, all I needed was some uncontrollable destructive power to add to the situation...things always seemed to get worse for me.

~~Pessemist. You could have it lots worse. I'm dead, believe methere are worse things than paralysis.~~

/Just go away, I don't want you seeing me like this...If you want to help me then kill me./

~~Think before you speak YuyIf I knew you weren't totally full of shit I might listen to ya, anyway, I'll let you alone for nowbut be careful with your anger, I'm warning you.~~

And, with timely convenience, Solo evaporated once more to leave me alone with my selfish pity and hurt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sir Jackson, supreme lord almighty of all things sick and perverted and scary (not to mention the fact that he's a freak) pulled the car up to the school and I was on my way out before he even stopped. Enough of his sick mind.I couldn't take much more and still stand to face himbut I had realized after speaking with him on the phone that he needed to be removed from his position at the school before someone got raped or something, namely me. 

Sure I could fend him off without killing him, but I really didn't need to be wasting my energy on him when I was already cramped into such a fucking horrible mess with Heero. I figured that if it came down to the doctors choosing which of us deserved to have the properly working body that they would pick him over me every time, simply because he was a colder soldier, according to them. Maybe if they'd had a little listen in on his thoughts in the past few days they would realize that he wasn't nearly as loyal to them as they would like for him to be, but that wasn't my business. It isn't entirely fare to just say that I wash my hands of this whole thing and be done with it, I know that, but at the time, there was nothing else I could do but tell myself that I had to find a way to fix Heero, otherwise I would be doomed to be paralyzed, and he would have to work double-time in my absence.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not only concerned with saving my own ass, but you can probably understand that I was pretty ticked at the moment, especially with Solo making a silent appearance the night before. Jealousy will make a person do a lot of things they wouldn't normally do.

I dashed into the school after a hasty thank you. I couldn't believe that I had willingly participated in the freak car ride with the sex-obsessed principle from Hell. Jesus Christ, as long as I live I will never forget to appreciate all the kindly old ladies in the world who would have driven me without the sex thoughts. *cringe* Yeesh. I hurried into mine and Heero's room, and I was absolutely shocked beyond all belief to find that the place had been ransacked. Oh it looked fine on the surface, but beneaththere were things missing. Like Heero's laptop. My laptop. Every fucking weapon that we'd had in the place, except for my gun, which had been under my pillow. Guess whoever it was didn't even think to look there. Weird. I was about ready to keel over from total shock at this point. I was hunting around frantically, tearing stuff out of drawers, the whole deal. Who the HELL had been in here!?

This was really bad. Whoever it was now had everything on both mine and Heero's laptops, and not only that but they would have our weapons, which left us mostly unarmed. It had been a pretty thorough job too, not a fingerprint on anything, so far as I could tell. And what was I supposed to do, report the lost weapons and top secret military information to the police? To the school? Rightno way.

Fighting for control over my voice so I didn't scream at the empty room, I packed up some clothes for myself and Heero. There wasn't much else here of any value, neither sentimental nor monetary, and certainly nothing left of any military sort of value. It was driving me insane that I didn't know who had done thisI would have to talk it over with Heero before I started to draw blanks alone. Two is always more fun than one, right?

I went into the bathroom to get Heero's toothbrush and there was a note on the counter. It was written in plain blue ink from a Bic Stic by the looks of it, and it was on a yellow sticky note, of the variety that everyone has. No sense in trying to trace the paper or the pen to any kind of original source, everyone and their grandma had a Bic pen and a little pad of yellow sticky notes. Damnit. Fucking Hell. The letters were all capitals, very obviously done that way so the handwriting couldn't be traced. The note read as follows:

HA HA TRY AND CATCH ME  
I WANT TO WATCH YOU CRY  
WHEN YOU SEE WHAT I CAN   
DO WITH ALL THE POWER YOU  
HAVE WASTED. I AM GOING   
TO WIN. AND WHEN I DO, THEY  
WILL PICK ME. HA HA HA HA.  
MUCH LOVE.??  
P.S. YOU CAN'T STOP THE  
INEVITABLE, AND YOU CAN  
NEVER STOP ME.

I felt like I was going to be sick. I tucked the note into my bag so I could show it to Heero, maybe he would understand it more, or recognize something I had missed. To me, it looked like the writing could have been stenciled, it was that lacking in character. But Heero has a good eye for stuff I simply don't see, so maybe he would get more out of the infuriating little note than me.

There was nothing else I could do here. I took one more look around the room and carried the two bags full of clothes out to the car, where Mr. Jackson had been waiting for me. Suddenly I didn't have the energy to care what he thought about on the trip back to the hospital, fuck it. It really didn't matter to me what he thought about now, he showed no evidence of having any kind of knowledge about what I had discovered in my room, so I didn't consider him a suspect, therefore he was irrelevant to me at the moment. 

Either way it was a long trip back to the hospital, but I survived, my mind was completely occupied with trying to figure the situation out. Everything else had taken the backseat. I really had to wonder why whoever it was had bothered to write a note at all, it was already a totally bold statement that they were able to seamlessly get into my room and steal everything that showed I was a Gundam pilotbut to leave this mocking note.I was really stumped, and scared too.

When I got to the hospital, Jackson let me out after offering to take me back to the school if that was what I wanted. I told him that I would rather stay with my friend. He looked angry about that, but I was really glad when he leftwhether he had anything to do with the theft or not he was still a disgusting creep and I hated him deeply.

I rode the elevator to Heero's floor and walked through the halls to his room. I knocked on the door.

"Heero its meare you awake?"

"Ah." 

His voice was quiet, I assumed he'd been thinking. Actually I know he'd been thinking, although about what I am not entirely sure. He was hiding it from me, so I couldn't hear him. 

I walked into the room and shut the door behind me, setting the bags on the floor and pulling the little note out. I went and sat on his bed. He looked confused at the grim look on my face and in my eyes. 

"What is it?" he asked after I had been silent for a little too long.

"You aren't going to believe thisbut we've been robbed."

"Huh?" his expressive face reflected his confusionhe didn't get it. He stopped with blocking his mind off from me, because he knew I could explain things to him better if I understood what he understood.

"I'm not kiddingI went back to our room and everything looked fine, like nobody touched it. But both our laptops are gone, all the guns except for the one that was under my pillowand whoever did it left this." I handed him the note so he could read it.

As Heero read his brows drew together and I saw real anger collecting on his features, his skin got darker and his eyes flashed violet. He slammed his fist down on the bed and I jumped up in total shock as I felt his rage hit me like a brick wall. Nobody, especially not Heero, ever got this mad over anything really. He was insane mad now, if he'd been holding a gun he probably would have killed something. This wasn't a rational thingsure it was bad what had happened, but I honestly don't think it merited this kind of rage. 

"Heero.stop itcalm downtake a breath.-"

I was stopped mid-sentence when I heard a thick cracking sound. I turned to face the window, my eyes wide. There was a spider's web of intricate little cracks in it, that had been the sound. As I watched, the Lay-Z-Boy was slammed into the wall hard by invisible force and the window shattered upon itself, sending shards of glittery glass onto the floor and out the window to the ground below. The chair had hit the wall so hard that the plaster cracked. Then everything was totally silent, not that there had been much noise in the first place, aside from the sound of glass shattering. In all the excitement I had completely missed out on whatever Heero had been thinking, and when I looked at him again he was passed out, his forehead beaded with sweat, his eyes rolled up in his head.

I shook. I hit the call button several times and I felt sick and panicked as a nurse came into the room, followed by another one. My hands were shaking, I felt like I might faint. They hurried me out of the room and at some point one of them stuck me with a needle which must have contained some kind of sedative, because I was out cold before I knew what was happening to me.  


  



	11. Essence; Ch.11

  
**Essence  
Part Eleven  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


  
When I came to I knew I was in a hospital without having to think very hard about much of anything. The feeling of sick pain was all through me, it made my limbs ache faintly and left a nagging feeling in the back of my head. I had a mild headache, nothing I couldn't deal with. I opened my eyes slowly and tried to figure out just where I was. Well I knew it was the same hospital...but was I anywhere near Heero?

Sitting up slowly and looking around the nondescript room, I decided that I was okay to walk, so I got up. I was still in my own clotheswell Heero's clothes, whatever. It was afternoon by the looks of the sun, which was shining into the window from the south-western sky. I went over to the window and looked down. I was not on the same floor as Heero, I was closer to the ground. And I was on the wrong side of the hospital.

I left my room and walked out of the ward, hoping that nobody would think I was trying to escape or something. I had to find Heero. I went to the elevators and got off on the floor where I knew his room was supposed to be, although when I thought about what had happened I doubted he would still be in the same room. I went to his previous room, and was surprised to find him there. That had been a lot easier than I thought I would beunfortunately he had a sitter.

Up until this point, I thought that sitters were only for psych patients, but obviously I was wrong. The door was open, and a woman who looked to be about fifty was seated in a chair with a blanket over her lap and a magazine in her hands. She looked up as I came into the room and smiled at me. I glared at her and went over to Heero, who was busily glaring at his lap and trying not to let me read his thoughts. I could easily feel fear off of himalthough at this point I couldn't place it.

The wall was still cracked, but the window had been fixed. The beepy machines were still around, but everything in the room was now bolted down, so that it couldn't be moved by just anyone. I strode into the room without knocking and looked at Heero rather warily, then glared at the sitter some more, and went to sit on his bed. He looked at me unhappily and went back to staring at nothing. He was thinking about what he had seen before passing out, and about when he had awoken a few hours later to find that he would be kept under surveillance for the next seventy-two hours. A sitter. No cameras or anything, just some old lady in the room that probably didn't even speak English, just to act as an authority figure in case he got out of line.

She was looking at me, then she went back to reading her magazine. I could feel that she wanted to give us some privacy, but it was her job to sit there and watch, so she couldn't leave.

"Hi Heero." I said quietly, wondering if the words would have come out the same way had I been in my own body. I was getting used to being inside Heero's body by now, it felt like normal to me. He looked tired. His skin was deathly pale and his hair was a big mess. He was in a gown still, not yet having had any chance to put on some of his own clothes. He was propped up by the bed and his hands were at his sides. His lips were pale and cracked, matching well with the dark circles under his eyes. He looked dead. His arms were bare, as the gown was short-sleeved. They were full of scratches that were finally starting to heal a little. In the back of his mind he wanted to scratch at his arms, but he was more disciplined than his body, he resigned himself to sitting as still as possible instead of scratching his stitched up, healing skin.

"Duo," he said quietly, his voice cracking a little since he spoke lower than this particular voice accommodated for. 

I took one of his hands in mine. His skin was cool. "How are you feeling?" I asked him. This situation was turning out to be a lot more solemn than I was planning for. He frowned at me.

"You already knowhow are you feeling?"

"OK I guessmaybe kind of confusedbut after that I'm fine."

"I was afraid I might have hit you with somethingI don't really remember too well, I passed out."

"I knowis it safe to talk with the extra ears in the room?"

"You already know that tooprobably better than I do."

"Ahcan we go for a walk or something?"

"I'm not sure if they would let me yetafter what happened yesterday afternoon and all..."

"Well find out, I wanna take you out for some fresh air, we could go for a walk in that park behind the hospital or whatever."

Heero asked the lady who was sitting in the room. As I thought, she didn't understand English. I heard her thoughts clear as day, but that's only because telepathy and empathy are beyond language. I understood that she couldn't understand a word I was saying. Heero spoke to her in Russian. I didn't even know he spoke Russian. She replied that it was fine if we went outside, but that she would have to come with us. She smiled at Heero and said that she would walk a little behind so that we had some privacy, and he thanked her. Me, I was just glad for the telepathy, or I would've been totally lost in the conversation, my Russian is kind of non-existent. 

I got the chair from behind where the Russian lady was sitting and opened it up, then put the bed down and rolled the chair over. Heero glared at me furiously.

"DuoI don't want you helping me."

"Can you do it by yourself?"

"Nobut I can call a nurse"

"Fuck it, I can do it. You can stuff your wounded pride, you're my best friend and I don't give a fuck if you can walk or not, but when you can't drop the soldier act for three seconds and let me help you into the chair then that is really sad Heero"

"It isn't like that"

"Yes it is."

"Hn."

I glared at him and then gave a triumphant little grin as I yanked his blankets off and hoisted him easily into my arms. Now I have lived in that body most of my life and until I met Heero I didn't think I was too pathetic in the strength department, especially considering the fact that I barely broke 110, and most of that was braid. But when it comes to how strong Heero's body isnothing really compares. Definitely something that has been tweaked with a lot, because I literally could have lifted a fridge in that body and not had any trouble with it. Heero weighed practically less than nothing to me. I set him easily in the chair and flipped the brake on with my foot. I handed him his blanket after he was finished hoisting the dead weight of his legs onto the footrests, and he pulled it over himself. The Russian lady stood up and left her magazine and her blanket on the chair. She followed us out of the room and into the elevator.

Once we were outside, I grinned up at the sun and pushed Heero along the path with me so we could talk. The lady dropped several meters behind us, but I knew she didn't understand us anyway, so I wasn't too worried about her. I was just glad we were out here as opposed to being in the hospital where there was glass to be broken by unseen forces and possibly surveillance equipment I didn't know about.

"Duo, do you now what happened yesterday?" Heero asked me as soon as he had decided we were safe to talk.

"I'm not sure.well there was our dorm being broken intobut I'm guessing you mean what happened when I told youwell from what I remember the window went and cracked by itself and that big heavy Lay-Z-Boy got shoved into the wall hard enough to crack the plaster.but nothing pushed it. So I guess there are a few pieces missing from the puzzle.you wouldn't happen to have them would you?"

"Ahsome of them."

"Do tell."

"There isn't much to tellit was telekinesismental force. That's how the window broke, and that's how the chair got pushed."

"And that's a total load of craptelekinesis isn't real."

"Duoyou know I'm telling the truthright?"

"Well"

"And supposedly telepathy, and empathy aren't real eitherright?"

"I see where you're going with this Heero, I'm not quite as dumb as I look."

"I know that. But this could end up badlythe hospital is willing to be quiet about it this time, but what about the next timethey are keeping me for awhileits bound to happen again."

"Heero, you of all people should be able to learn some control, don't you think?"

"In timebut right now.all I can say is that I've never been so angry as I was thenyou saw me.it wasn't a sane thing. And it had already happened once that dayI got mad at my wheelchair and I made the brake move without touching it."

I thought this over for a minute.

"But what was the differencethe first timedid you want the brake to move?"

"Ahmy arms wouldn't reachI got really frustrated and my vision started to get patchy. I saw the brake move and then I passed out. Later, when you showed me the noteI was madI wanted to kill something.the glass broke and the chair movedbut I don't know exactly why or howit was different, but it was the same power that affected both situations."

"Rage?"

"Telekinesis."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I paused. The notewhat had happened to the note? Duo clearly sensed my hesitation, because he asked me what was wrong.

"Duoafter I passed outI was holding the notewhat happened to it?"

He bit his lip and looked worried. "Shit Heero, I don't know I thought you had it. Afterwell when the window shattered I kinda lost it, I got myself sedated I was so worked up. Guess the nurses thought I was a little off my rocker or something so they just figured that if I was unconscious I wouldn't be hurting anything. I know I didn't have itmaybe its on the floor somewhere or something."

"I think its gone Duothey sweep under the bed everyday and throw everything out unless it looks importantthat was just a note scribbled on a sticky paperI think its gone."

I glared at my legs, wondering if and when they would be useful again. I thought about what the note had said, and what the thief had stolen from our room. This was very badanyone who had hold of my laptop would most likely get caught up in all the encoding and dummy files and passwords.but if whoever it was had enough intelligence to successfully pull off their plan, then I seriously doubted that anything I could do would keep them out of my files for very long. There were schematics for the Gundams in there, the core intelligence program that made the ZERO system possiblealong with a lot of other stuff that I didn't particularly want floating around with just anybody. At all costs, I would have to get things together and find a way to retrieve the lost information before it was hacked.

Duo put a hand on my shoulder. "Heero do you remember what the note said.I memorized it after the first time I read it, I was pretty mad, and I didn't want anything to happen to itit's the only clue we have. But I thought that you might be able to get something off of it that I didn't see was there anything that you can rememberanything that might help us find out who wrote that note?"

I thought about it for a secondit had been pretty nondescript but there was one thing.

"What thingtell me. We'll never catch them if we don't both know."

"Duo, take a breath or somethingI can only think so fast. And not everyone here is a telepath. Ok. Whoever wrote the note is left-handed. That's what was different about the writing. They wrote with their left hand, and it seemed convincing enough, they weren't switching hands on a whim, this person is actually left handed. So if we get a list of suspects put together, make sure they are left handed, or at least try and find out if they are. That's the only thing I could tell from looking at it. If we hadn't switched I might be able to tell more." I didn't bother finishing that last sentence, self-pity is not something I intend to make a habit for myself.

"Are you sure?" Duo sounded suspicious, apparently handwriting analysis had not been any part of his training.

"Ah. Because of the direction that the letters are slanted in, and the places that the writer started each letter. Left-handed tendencies."

"Ok, well at least that's a start. But I don't think that asking people to write stuff for us will help us figure out who did it."

"The easiest way to find out if a person is guilty is to ask them questions that they would know have something to do with the crime, and just read their thoughts"

"Yeah but isn't that kind of wrong Heero?"

"Isn't it kind of worth going against your morals to catch the thief?"

"Yeah but still.you seem like you did that a lot.reading people's minds, I mean."

"I did. Constantly."

"Heero that isn't right."

"I don't need a lecture, we should probably go back inside now, its going to rain." I looked up at the sky. It was pretty clear, but there were a few clouds here and there that looked suspicious, like they were just waiting for the right person to dump a shower on top of. I hoped it wouldn't be me. Duo looked up too, but he kept pushing me along the little path.

"Whatever I don't care if we get rained on. You were good with changing the subject, but we never finished our little discussion about what actually happened beforewhen the window broke in you room. You say 'telekinesis did it' and then expect me to just accept it as fact? No way. What the hell are you talking aboutthat's bullshit."

"We already had this discussion."

"And we'll have it again and again until I believe what you tell me. There is more to the story than you're letting on."

"Ah. I'm not the one who should be moving things with their mindyou are. It isn't my power at all, its yours."

Duo hesitated in pushing me along, then kept going. He didn't say anything, I assume he was trying to read my mind. I couldn't see his face from my position but I knew it wouldn't be in a happy Duo-ish grin.

"Solo told me."

The chair abruptly stopped moving, and Duo walked around it so he could face me while he spoke. His brows had drawn low on his face, he was angry, hurt. I think there were tears in his eyes. "Why does he talk to you and not me?"

"I don't know Duo." I looked at him steadily through the curtain of bangs and long hair that was constantly in my eyes. I like having it there, something to hide my overly-expressive face with. Of course that wouldn't stop Duo from knowing my thoughts, and it was useless to try being on guard from him all the time, so blocking him out wasn't really a good solution. Duo seemed furious that I didn't have more to tell him.

"Heero that's fucking stupid! He's DEAD! He CAN'T talk to youbut I know he's there.always around youwatching you. He.when you got hurt he showed me what was happening and led me to you.but only to save you. Why the hell are you so important to a dead guy anyway?"

I glared at Duo. He glared at me. Behind us, I knew that the nice Russian lady was probably wondering whether or not to interfere. The trees seemed like a hallucination quite suddenly, everything but Duo and myself felt unreal, like it was made of plastic. I clenched my teeth and broke our staring contest, looking at the sky where the cloud were quickly gathering together and preparing themselves to soak us as thoroughly as they could. Tension built in the air and it felt like something was going to slip, or crack, or something. I wanted to hit DuoSolo hadn't done anything wrong. Duo was acting like a child who is ready to throw a tantrum if that's what it takes to get their way. I hate children.

Everyone has bad timing on occasion.I don't think Solo could have picked a worse time to show up. I felt him come into existence all around me, surrounding my body with heat. I knew he was hugging me, I could feel it. Duo could to, he was looking incredibly disgusted at the moment.

"Tell him to leave Heero"

".Duo that isn't fair. Stop being jealous."

Duo was spitting mad. He turned his back on me and walked away, out of my sights, back to the hospital, leaving me with Solo. The Russian lady watched Duo warily as he stalked off, then came over to me and asked if I wanted her to talk me back in. I asked her for a few minutes and she agreed, taking a seat on a bench in the grass after moving me so I wasn't dead center in people's way.

I felt the heat wrapping tightly around me, and Solo was real it seemed, if I closed my eyes, he was a real live person. But I knew that wasn't true, and even if it were I hadn't known Solo in life. From Duo's recent reaction to Solo's decidedly strange manner of sneaking up on me and giving me attention at the worst times, I guessed that maybe Solo had changed some between Duo's time with him and my own.

The sun was dappled in leafy patterns over my face and skin, and over the white hospital blanket that was keeping my legs warm. It shone down brilliantly through the trees over everything, warming me up and making me feel like maybe I should learn to smile. However, the sun couldn't hold a candle to the full, lively grin that was in Solo's heart.

~~Hi Heero.miss me?~~ he asked jovially, as if he really didn't care that his presence had just caused Duo to storm off almost in tears. I closed my eyes to the bright sun.

/Ah.but there's a problem/

~~I know, he's all jealous and shitcan't blame'im heh heh. Next time he gets like that you should try an make him understand that I'm dead.what happened in life is over for me.Heero to tell you the honest truth I don't remember being alive much at all. S'fine by me, I have a different life now. Duo jes doesn't understand that yetWhen I died I got changedI guess I'm an angel, although I think that's kind of exaggerating things. I couldn't talk to Duo even if I wanted to, only to you since you're the one I'm lookin' out for. If you can get Duo to understand that then maybe he will stop trying to resurrect something that has been run over by a car. Repeatedly.~~

I waited in silence, shocked by the harshness to Solo's words.he wanted me just to tell Duo that it was over for them and that was it? Made sense to me, on a personal level, but I knew then and there that Duo would never take those words as an explanation without an explanation for the explanation. Why couldn't Solo remember his life? Was that supposed to happen, or had there been a mistake? How had he ended up as my angel when Duo loved him? I didn't need people.or angels, but Duo did. He was more human than I would ever be, and he deserved Solo's affections & protection. I felt like I was taking this away from duo with my existence, but I doubted that it would be intelligent to take my own life for any of these reasons, and I was in Duo's body to boot. Definitely not something I could do at the present.

/Solo.you don't remember Duo?/

~~Oh I remember him.just not the same as I should.its like.when I became this way suddenly my whole world focussed on you. I didn't know who I was guarding at first. I thought it was Duo.I followed him, but I couldn't make him hear me. So then I found you. This was before you two knew each other, but then when you were together things got different, I started to forget things about Duo when you were around.like there was something concentrating me on you so I had no choice but to follow you and bother you because you were everything..like an intense obsession put in my head by somebody else. Now I can't help it.I love you and I'll follow you anywhere, I'll protect you if I can. I have to.~~

As Solo Spoke into my head I felt traces of anger starting to collect in me, I didn't want another disaster, especially not with anyone watching. 

/Did you get forced against your will into guarding me?/

~~No.~~

/So it was your choice?/

~~No. It was meant to be. My purpose was to lead a short life, die, and be around when you need me. I don't think I was supposed to fall in love while I was still alive. That's why Duo is getting hurt now. Because he still remembers like it was yesterday.its still in him.I don't want to hurt him anymore, but I can't help it.~~

/I don't believe in fate. You are being controlled./

~~I am in my place. Stop thinking about me and concentrate on your own problems. You have to stop the person who wrote that letter.dangerous person.stop them before they stop you, and Duo.~~

/They are going to hurt us? Personally?/

~~As opposed to what?~~

/Hurting innocents./

~~No, you don't have to worry about innocents, just yourself, and Duo. Especially Duo, in fact he shouldn't be alone at all~~

/How an I supposed to help anyone like this? I can't even piss by myself./

~~Fortunately you don't have to pee on anyone to succeed Heero.~~

/Hn.You're worse than Duo, this isn't funny./

~~Hey, I could just not show up and let you get into more trouble than you already are.~

/Wow. Thanks for your concern.I'll be going in now/

I had to stop thinking about Solo for a little while. The bright sunlight on top of the grass and trees and everything else was making me squint. Guess it never rained, I really thought it was going to. 

Asking the Russian lady to take me back inside, I turned my thoughts inward after Solo made his little exit, leaving me with a sense like I was grasping for something that wasn't there, I had only imagined it moments before.

Protect Duo.Solo had said Duo was in danger.but who could stop a fully trained Gundam pilot who knew they had every reason to be on the lookout for suspicious activity? Something nagging my insides was making the answer to that question my very top priority.

  



	12. Essence; Ch.12

  
**Essence  
Part Twelve****  
By Lady AngelFiren**

  


Disclaimer: I know I've written this damned disclaimer a million times (at least) by now, and still, there is the chance that I will be sued (yeah right) if its not on here. So here you go, although I doubt anybody will read it. I don't own Gundam and I never will. Whoever does, great for them, I don't care. I'm using their characters for my own amusement, and possibly because I'm too dumb to make my own. If you wanna sue, you should try getting water from a rock first, It'd be easier than getting money outta me. Happy? There's your damned disclaimer.

Warnings: A little humour, some violence and language. I am not, by any means, a doctor, so don't bitch at me if stuff don't work out like it should, I have no time to spend on research. I think, ok, I _hope_ that I actually got the characters to behave like themselves, but I've never written POV Heero before, so the parts where its him narrating could be a little OOC. I think I got Duo right though. Yeah, on with the fic. As always, ME WANT FEEDBACK!!! So please, send some!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ = Change of scene/POV/beginning of part/end of part  
"--" = Speech  
/--/ = Thoughts  
~~--~~ = Spirits/ghosts talking 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~  


After I felt Solo show up draped all over Heero in the park behind the hospital, I was forced into trying to outrun the dry gasps that would normally be accompanied by tears. I found a secluded niche against the wall of the hospital and slumped down there after sinking one hard punch into the brick. I nearly screamed when the actual brick cracked and some of it fell down to the ground when I withdrew my hand. I had also managed to put sizeable slices in a few of my knuckles, but really I didn't care about that, I just wanted to be away from everything, away from the sick feeling of people rotting alive and dying painfully slowly on the other side of the walls.

"Fuck"

I had lost most of my vocabulary for the time being as a nice side dish to my plate of bull, so I just kept repeating 'fuck' over and over, tying to think of what to do. Finally I decided to call a cab and get the hell away from the hospital. I would have to check in with G, see if I had any missions and such. That would be a good thing to keep my mind off Heero and theft and everything else. However now that I had my mind made up, I felt my stomach twist, Heero was worrying about something, I was so in tune with him that I could feel him even when he wasn't actually around.

/If I stopped every time Heero worried I'd be going backwards by now.ignore it Duo, get your ass in gear. Dumbfuck./

Pushing the knots out of my mind and ignoring the dread that had given me a pretty sufficient adrenaline rush, I padded to the front of the hospital and caught a taxi to take me back to the city. Really it made no sense that a hospital should be so far out of the way, but if a city was bombed or attacked in some battle, then the hospital would have a better chance at survival, and the patients would have nice clean air to breathe, that was apparently the logic of putting the general hospital and hour's drive out of the city.

When the cab arrived at the spaceport I paid the guy and hopped out, looking around without seeing much and just generally feeling lost. It was difficult to block out the array of hurried people who were making their winding ways about the busy port, trying to get where they needed to be. Random things just popped into my head, flashes of what people had done the night before, or on their flight, thoughts about what people wanted for dinner this eveningthere were a few people having sex in the spaceport bathroom, I could hear some woman screaming her climax loudly enough that I swear I could feel her orgasm. The spaceport.man, what a fucking dirty horrible place. People fucking in the bathrooms I hate casual sex, but then you already know that so why bother going into detail? 

I wasn't sure why I had decided to come here, I wasn't catching a flight anywhere and I wasn't meeting anybody. It was definitely not a good place to sit and thinkwhat the hell was I here for? I stood up quite suddenly, causing various people to look at me like I was going to shoot them, I guess it comes with the face, people always think Heero is gonna kill them. Now I have his face, so they think that about me too even though I wouldn't do it unless they were my enemies.

Walking out of the huge port into the sunny day I stopped in my tracks as I felt Solo's presence hovering around me. He was a mist the developed out of nowhere and evaporated quickly after, but I was left with the distinct feeling that I was being watched, by Solo. Consequentially, I got the chills and anger bubbled up, turning my face an irritated shade of red even though I felt more fear than anger. Its easier to me mad than scared. I hurried away from the port on foot and walked into the city, positive that someone or something was after me. Was Heero even on my side anymore? I knew Solo was in cahoots with Heero, maybe they had something against me. But that made no sense! Why would Heero do anything until he had his own body back? And he couldn't possibly be the thief, he had been at the hospital the whole time. 

Up until that second it had never occurred to me that maybe Solo could have been the thief. After all, he was dead. It was irrational that he could steal material things, and where would he put them? Dur, I'm such a moron.maybe it was him. There was no way to know. 

I found that I had spent all my free time thinking and walking around the city, and I had ended up right back where I'd started this whole mess.the Saint Jame's Secondary Academy. Actually that's nowhere near where this had started, but close enough. It was getting dark out now, soon it would be completely black and I've noticed that Heero's vision isn't quite perfect, he can't see in the dark the way I can. So naturally now I can't see in the dark as well because I have his eyes. But damn they're nice eyes, I have to admit. Having the body of the Perfect Soldier will really up your self-confidence. Perfect abs, perfect ass, perfect everything, and then some. Steel strength that would be impossible if it wasn't so real, and flexibility past anything that I would consider normal. If I wanted to I could sit down on the grass and stick my legs behind my head, then hold them there while I practiced sucking myself off. Very flexible, wish Heero would have let me know all about his perks before we'd switched, it would have been nicer to maybe actually do something enjoyable rather than have him pound relentlessly into my ass until he was satisfied. Of course that train of thought made me contemplate whether or not I was currently possessing a body that had raped my original body.but I don't think it was rape, I let him do it and the one time I did say no he stopped. Actually the one time I did say no everything stopped between us, and there was just no more sex after that. Heero didn't change at all, he just got a little tenser after I got out of the shower and that's about it.

I wandered over to a stray picnic table that was parked easily on the front lawn of the school beside the smoking area under some nice trees that would give lots of shade. I was kinda hungry, but not hungry enough to actually do something about it. The front lawn of the school was huge, like a football field. There was the driveway and a walkway, and the rest was evenly cut green grass that glittered vaguely in the rising moonlight. I wondered how Heero was, then growled under my breath and forced the persistent thought from my head. He would be fine, the doctors would fix him and all would be well. And if the regular docs couldn't do it then the evil mad scientist people would. 

I heard something in the trees above my head but I didn't look up, that would let whoever was there know that I knew they were where they were. I calmly stood, and that's when I felt Solo's presence around me once more, he was hovering in the trees.fuck the bastard was out to get me! I started to bolt across the school lawn, my mind going in little panic circles, my lungs taking giant panic breaths. I made it to the west side of the lawn and still Solo's presence followed, and now I could hear distinct footsteps following me. The person was not breathing too hard, in fact I could only hear their footsteps, not any breathing or panting or sounds of movement. Chills went all though me and made my muscles ache, but the adrenaline kept on coming as I ran, now sprinting off the lawn into the woods to the southwest of the school. 

I was hearing leaves crunch beneath feet that seemed somewhat unsure, and that surprised me. Mostly though, I felt blood pounding in my head from fear. It wasn't so much that I was being chased, Heero's body was well equipped for long-distance running. But Solo was following me, somehow in a physical form that I didn't understand, and that scared me enough that I actually felt pee trickling down my legs as I ran, but at the time I didn't give a fuck whether I pissed myself or not, I was being chased by a dead man and all I could do was run. Solo was gaining on me. I stopped in a moment of insane courage and turned to face him, but blackness covered me before I could do anything about it and the last thing I remember about that scene is feeling vertigo as I hit the ground and the blackness engulfed me fully.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I had arrived back in my room Duo wasn't there. Solo hovered in and out of my senses throughout the day, but he refused to tell me what Duo was doing, or even if he was still in the area. Without my sense I had no idea how to get that information, but I was worried for Duo and I didn't want whatever was after him to get him before I could stop it. 

I was getting a hang of life with dead weight for legs at least. I was able to put myself into the chair without too much fumbling, and as long as I wore the seat belt I could actually get around by wheeling myself. My sitter followed me, but I wheeled a little faster than she walked, so she wasn't too much of a hindrance. Unfortunately I could only do a little at a time. It was pretty hard on my arms, and chest, even with the added muscle from piloting a gundam for so long. Duo's chest and arms were different from minehe just wasn't as strong. He was muscled like a cat, powerful but sleek, and always sensuous. I am not exactly the sensuous type. More like the ascetic type. 

It felt cold in the hospital, so I spent a lot of the day wrapped up under my blankets, but around sunset Solo came to me after a long absence, and he was definitely upset. He didn't offer any hugs or comfort, he merely slipped mistily into the room and started to panic. 

/What happened?/ I asked, my stomach tightening up at the realization that something had made Solo upset.

~~Its Duo.like I said before, he's in trouble now. You have to save him Heero. If you don't then you'll never get your body back and he'll suffer worse than that.~~

/What happened to him.where is he?/

~~.I can't tell you.~~

/Then how the hell do you expect me to save him? Are you stupid? I can't walk!/

I pushed the long locks back out of my face and waited for the angel to do something, to miraculously heal me, or maybe to tell me exactly how to save Duo, but it never came. Solo was growing thin in the air, his presence was dissipating the way a fire burns, dies, and simmers into nothing.

/Don't leave yethow do I help him!?/

~~I can't.you have to learn how to save him.I can't do anything for you but watch you. And right now I can't even do that.sorry Heero~~

Solo faded out and I was left blinking at the ceiling, shivering and feeling sick. Something was happening to Duo at this very moment, or something was going to happen to him.and Solo wouldn't help me. Anger brimmed up in me, the same startling and powerful anger that had let me crack the window and shove the chair. It was going to happen again.something would move or explode.fuck, this was not the kind of power I needed! How was I supposed to manipulate this? How could I use this?

Past the fogging anger in my brain I knew that I was sweating and shivering in the bed. My eyes had rolled up into my head so that the whites showed, and the monitoring equipment that was attached to me was all going haywire. As before I felt light-headed and I knew I was going to pass out if something didn't change.

But then things did start to change. I found I could see the way everything around me was composed, how denser and heavier things had different components, even the little molecules that formed the cells that formed my body, I could see everything.touch it if I wanted. But there was fear in this too, and confusionhow would this help? What could I DO!?

The light-headed feeling swayed through me and the strange vision and sense of my surroundings wavered back to being a regular hospital room, then it wavered again to the other thingthe weird molecular stuff. I know how scientific and precise and Heero Yuy-ish this explanation is, but I am not sure how else to say it, it was creepy and disconcerting, at the very least. I could see through and into everything in the room without feeling a thing from anything, except that I knew it was there. Ok, this is getting more complicated.

Maybe this would make more sense. The room was at first normal, like any room, and then it was made out of tiny little molecules, all stacked together, but somehow visible to me even though nothing had moved as of yet. I could even see the molecules that composed the nice Russian lady. She was reading a magazine, but when she noticed what was happening to me she stood up, her eyes growing wide, and he thumb went to the call button she had been given. I couldn't let that happenif she called nurses then I would be sedated and Duo would never be saved.but it was too late. There were already two people rushing into the room.

I couldn't hear anything at all in my state, there was only the scene of all the little molecules that had wrapped themselves together to make the chairs in the room, and the bed and the window, even my own body. Before I was able to try anything, I fell unconscious at the prick of a needle in my arm.

~*~*~*~

When I next opened my eyes I was still in the same hospital room, but there was a different lady sitting at the door. She had a thin line for lips and angry looking eyes. Her hair was blonde, pulled back into a bun. When she saw that I was awake she looked at me and forced a smile. I didn't smile back.

"How long have I been out?"

"The whole night, its about nine AM now." She said pleasantly, but the courtesy, once again, was forced.

"Ah."

It had been too longsurely Duo was beyond help now.how could he have survived whatever was so incredibly urgent without my help? You can well imagine that I was completely dumbstruck when I saw Duo walk into the room with a grin on his face. He looked kinda tired, but that was about it.

"Duo?" I asked in total surprise, my stomach jumping up into my throat as my eyes widened in shock.

I received only a sly, Duo-ish grin and a chuckle in return.

"Where the Hell were you Solo-"

"Never mind Solo baka, I'm fine. How are your legs?"

"Hnwhat happened last night?"

"I went back to the school.I was crossing the road and this fucking stupid guy almost ran me over with a bus, can you believe it!? He never stopped! I had to duck under the thing or loose my head, I almost didn't make it here."

"That's all? You almost got hit by a bus!?"

"Yeesh, its no big deal Hee-chan, Duo Maxwell doesn't get knocked down so easily." A big grin spread over Duo's face and I was relieved that it had only been a bus and not something totally serious. Maybe something was wrong with Solo's crystal ball and he thought Duo was in more danger. Obviously he was fine. I was incredibly relieved, if anything ever happened to Duo I don't know what I would do.

"Hn."

"Awww, were you worried about me Heero?"

"Ah."

Duo leaned forward and kissed my lips roughly, then thrust his tongue into my mouth, exploring at as if he had never had a chance to before. There was something wrong with his kiss. I pushed him away in confusion.

"What was that supposed to be?"

Duo looked, for a moment, like he'd been caught with his fingers in the cookie jar, but he covered it up with a grin. He was grinning more than usual todayhn.

"A kiss Hee-chanduh."

"Hn.You never kiss that way"

Something ran through Duo's face, the deep blues behind his shaggy brown hair flashing with what could only be categorized as fear. I took his hand in mine and looked at him curiously.

"What's different Duo? Did something happen last night?"

"Heero I."

Duo got up and sprinted out of the room, not looking back. I was stumped completely. Something was not right with Duo.had he been hurt? Had somebody done something to him that he wouldn't talk to me about? I had to know. I didn't want him hurting when he didn't have to be. Especially not if there was anything I could do to help him. I had thought that I was being more sympathetic recently, not less. Especially since he had my sense now.he could understand what was going on in my mind with ease, whereas before he would be left in the dark unless I spoke to him. What was wrong with my Duo?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I started to feel like maybe I was close to being conscious again, the first thing I knew was that I was not on earth. I had to be on a small colony somewhere, the gravity was completely different here. The air smelled strange, traces of gas were left in it. That meant that I was most likely in a lab. The hard feeling of tightly woven cloth beneath me added to that idea, I was on a cot. However, instead of my legs sticking off the end on the cot, or being just the right length for the cot, as they would be if I were in my own body, I was shorter than the cot. That realization sent alarm through my brain. There was an unfamiliar weight on my chest.breasts. and I was missing some vital things, like my cock and balls for example. 

I was too afraid at the moment to open my eyesthis wasn't my body, and it wasn't Heero's. Slowly, I did open them, to complete blackness. I could see nothing, it was dark in the room. I sat up, feeling very dizzy and weak. It was hard to tell what I was feeling because everything had been altered so much. I was scared. There was no special sense in this body, I had grown accustomed to it and now it was gone. I put my hands together. They were calloused, this body had held lots of weapons and done lots of physical work. I was strong, but there was a roundness too. And the breaststhey were strange. I found that I was naked, and I became fascinated with running my hands over the two lumps on my chest that had never been there before. I felt my hair, it was longer than shoulder length, and smooth. It would be nice to have long hair again at least. But this.breasts were one thing...but.I had a PUSSY!!! FUCK! 

I ran my hand down my tummy, which felt altogether softer than mine or Heero's, and there was a little triangular patch of pubic hair and then.fuck. I was a GIRL!

Now I had realized that I was in a female body before I opened my eyes, but the realization that I had a pussy hit me like a ton of bricks. I heard myself gasp in the darkness, and my voice was high and feminine. I clenched my teeth and curled up in a ball, the breasts feeling uncomfortable against my bare legs. Running my hands over my new legs I felt stubble from shaving, and moving down to my feet, I found that they were much smaller than I was used to.

I started to shake. I stayed curled up, naked, in whatever lab on whatever colony, and I shook and cried softly, scared of the female voice and the female features. It was when the lights suddenly came on that I got my biggest shock.

There was a mirror in the small cube of a room that I was in. I went up to it, my frame shaking. My facemy eyes...I wasn't me, and I wasn't Heerothis was just so WRONG! I now had blond hair, although there was a touch of sand to it so that it looked earthy and natural. My lips were full, kinda pouty, but also pale. Actually, I had never noticed how much Relena resembled Heero until I looked in the mirror then and there. Her eyes weren't the same colour as his, but the way her face wasnow my face... there were similarities in the way they both looked wild but refined at the same time. I was in Relena PeaceCraft's body.and obviously there was more to her than met the eye.

I sank back down on the cot, holding my breasts, still shaking and wondering how I had gotten here, and what Solo had to do with it. It wasn't too long before someone who was most likely working for the evil mad scientist people came in. She gave me some clothes and an envelope and left, never meeting my eyes.

I wiped the tears from my face and pulled out the envelope first, opening it. There was a single sheet of text inside.

Duo Maxwell.  
I bet you never suspected me...obviously you know who I am now. If you want to find out more, just try and catch me. Heero will be on my side...he'll think you're me. That's all I'm going to tell you. Happy hunting Maxwell.

My mind was quickly overloading with a million different things all at once, and Heero was standing on top of it all. Relenathat fucking BITCH! But I still couldn't understand how it was possible for her to be such a strong enemy when she was nothing but a politician. I looked though my blurry eyes at the calluses on her feminine hands. She knew how to use weaponsin fact, from the different strengths in this body, I figured she could probably pilot too. Something was definitely not right about this, and if I couldn't get to Heero before her then he would be in trouble big timenot to mention the fact that I was stuck as a GIRL! And RELENA, of all people! I looked down at my new body and sighed, hating the high tone in every sound that issued from my lips.

There were clothes for me. I pulled on the uncomfortable underwear, I wasn't used to bikini style anythingand there was a knee-length skirt that I abhorred from the second I saw it. And there was a bra. Black. Relena wore a C34 apparently, but it took me some time to try and figure the thing out. Once it was on I found that it scratched and annoyed me, so I left it on the cot and went without, pulling on the light pink blouse and buttoning it up. I looked in the mirror once more and hated the freak I saw standing there. I lookedoff.

There must be something about the way girls stand and move, cause I swear I looked like a guy, even with the tits. I tried keeping my legs closer together and that didn't work at all, I was used to having a little circulation. But first thing was first, get back to earth, get back to Heero.

I had nothing to take with me, so I left the complex with only the clothes on my back and worked out in my head that the best thing for me to do would be find a place to stay, get some clothes, get something to eat, and get a gun. Then I would be all set, and if I had to shoot Relena down to get rid of her I was ready to do it, all I had to remember was not to kill Heero's body, he'd probably be wanting it back at some point.

I earned a lot of strange looks as I dashed through the streets braless and got into the alleys, where I knew my way around even though I had never been here before. I had spent entirely too much of my life as an orphan not to know how to pick pockets. I bumped into ten people on my way to the back streets, and when I got to a doorway that was set back into a building that looked totally decrepit, I had managed to collect three hundred dollars, two watches, a gold engagement ring, and a man's wallet and credit cards. Pretty good start if I do say so myself.

I kicked the door in and pushed what was left of it shut again. The thing that bothered me most was not having shoes. My feet were sore and cut, and there was no electricity or water in this building, so they had to stay that way. My hair I couldn't brush because I had nothing to brush it with, so it remained tangled and dirty from my short little journey here. I sank down in a dusty corner, letting my head fall into my hands and pulling my knees to my chest. I had to get to Earth, find Heerohad to get rid of Relena, get my body back, find out where Solo fit into things, and there was still a war to be fought on top of everything else. Man, when the shit hits the fan things really blow

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

To Be Continued

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HAH! I bet you people NEVER guessed I was gonna do that! MwahahaI am so good. Duo's in Relena and Relena's in Heero and Heero's in Duowhat a fuckin party! Please send your comments in so I can read'em! Thanx for all the feedback I've been getting, awesome!

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